I make almost 3 times as much as my husband as a implementation consultant and my husband is still the Alpha male. We share the housework and the cooking (he says he does most of the housework - which is not true, but that is another story). He is also 14 years younger than me and I have always made more than he did. He is a very secure person and knows exactly who he is, so my higher income does not threaten him. In fact, I am expecting the incomes to shift when I retire.

Jean Nash

One thing stuck out in my mind during this story. The idea of my money and his money. Once you get married it is now OUR money. My husband and I have discussed him staying at home while I work since our incomes are almost equal. We decided for me to stay home because I have more patience with the children not because of money. Our decisions about our money are joint decisions. He may bring home the check but it's my job to make that check last for everything our growing family needs. I think there are too many couples that still think of mine and yours when it comes to everything in the marriage. In most marriage ceremonies it is said the two become one. We need to regain that mindset that everything merges.

Racheal you hit hit it right on (when you get married it becomes our money)my wife is haveing a hard time seeing this and so when business is so for me in the winter months she will let my so call bills fall behind. She wants me to make all the money and pay all the bills and she spend 'her money' on what ever she wants. This is not what we agree on in counseling before we were marriaged 7 months ago. It leaves me feeling like I don't have a say in any thing .We have a big problem in the finace department.

I earn more than my husband and am learning what not to do by observing another women who is also the main breadwinner in her family.

For one thing, she frequently announces that she is the main breadwinner...to her children as well as others. She feels that the breadwinner is the one who should make the decisions about raising the kids, so she does. She also makes a point of flirting with men in the presence of her husband.

It's unclear as to what she hopes to gain by her behavior. If she thinks she's building herself up by tearing him down, she's doing the opposite. It's difficult to watch her attempt to emasculate a good man. It makes others uncomfortable.

She fits your description.... ultra confident. That's another irritating trait...confidence based on belittling. Her behavior is much like the mean girls in "Mean Girls" except that her target is her husband. Many of her comments are passed off as jokes. They aren't.

This woman has taught me what not to do. Should I attempt to return the favor?

I'm in this situation now and am very stressed over it. I'm engaged to a man 11 years younger. I make double what he does and I'm not sure he'll be able to make much more than he currently is unless he works 2 jobs. Which I don't want, as I enjoy spending time with him. We are currently discussing finances and our future before going to court to get our marriage license. I've never had to support anyone and am not comfortable in this situation. I own my home, my car, etc. He's living with me and at times I feel like I'm providing everything for him. When I ask to be taken out to dinner, I'm told "I'm broke." To get married, there are so many unknowns and I feel it's asking a lot of me to be understanding and "wait and see" if he can make a career for himself. I love him dearly, but am nervous to tie the knot and a few months down the road regret it because we're not able to do all the things we want to, discussed doing or I am feeling like I'm still providing. Just needed to vent...thx

my girlfriend is 12 years older than i am,when we first met,she showerd me with everything.
the minuet the money stopped coming in,her feelings towards me changed now im too young for her,i need another woman that is sexual,because sex stopped when the money stopped now i want to add,in the meantime,her father ,she hates died,and i remodeled the house to sale,my wife got $30,000 i got $4,000.all communication between us was gone,all that she was doing,stopped,and now i became the bumb,i take care of home,her mom,and completly redecorated her house with marble floors,its a musem.
she accused me of having an affair,for writing in forms like this about her,so she had a boyfriend the next day,tells me to move out,i do,she beggs me to come back,only to pay me back,and says"get a job"even though i make $2,000 do my part she asked,but im not still worthy to be a man,she compares me to all her past men,calls my mother bitches,and trys to drive away my family and friends,and condemns me for helping others and not her?

Holy holy Micheal wake up buddy smell the coffee. I have said it in the past and here it goes again to all the people out there. Every women thats not really nice has a sweet man, and every women that is nice has a jerk!!!! Go figure... My advice to you is walk away people that don't respect you don't diserve your respect. Love that's not love far from it. How can you do that to the one's you love, she needs help you sound like a nice person try to find someone who will see that in you. Best of luck...

I am in the situation where I make significantly more than my husband and I think it really has caused many of our problems. And I hate it. I just can't have the guy making less money than me. If I can work very hard to make a career for myself why can't he either? I know many out there won't agree - saying that all that matters is love- but I don't believe that. For ex., I would have NEVER looked to date a janitor, burger flipper, etc. in the first place b/c I want to be with someone who is as ambitious as I am. I don't know what to do to help me accept the situation as it is b/c I do love him and I think he is in a bit of a rut (or so he says, I am starting to wonder...).

Frustrated-

Love is all that matters! You are such a snob! Who cares if he doesn't make tons of money or what he does for a living if he loves his job? Isn't his health and state of mind more important? People who hate their jobs have more stress and more stress equals more health problems. It just sounds like you don't truly care about your husband and that you are embarrassed of him!! Why would you even marry a guy like this if that's how you felt? Leave him so he can find someone who will appreciate him!

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husband is having an a fair. what do a stay home mother of two with no money to do?

I've been wondering if any of the sociologists have theory or explanation for the seemingly high number of men who are jobless/under employed? I seem to have a lot of female friends with husbands/boyfriends who don't work. They arent independantly wealthy, they dont have children (most of them) and they don't work. What is going on with the men of my generation? I am 34 years old- Did these men witness The Challenger space blow up in 7th grade like I did and decide "I'm not working when I grow up!" Was it Reagan-omics?
Was it MTV? Did the testosterone leak out of them? Where are the men who work and provide for themselves and their family? Maybe it has always been this way and now that I'm of marry mind, I notice it more.

It doesn't matter how much you make if you are not going to get along with your spouse.

Bruce

I have to comment! It's so true. All of the women in my family as well as my fience's family make more than the men. I could care less about make more than him but not the issue is our merging accounts. During our three year relationship he have done nothing but agree that we would have 3 accounts. Putting 75% of our paycheck in a joint, still leaving me with my independence of an account with my name on it! I make 3x more than him and now suddenly with a ring on my finger he wants complete control. He says both our entire paychecks should go into "our" account. I like my independence... why the switch? help I'm going crazy!