Looking for a book you can recommend and where do you practice?

I have been married for 20 years this month. We have basically been "separted" for about 4 years now... what I mean by that is we are living in the same house but have no romantic involvement anymore. I really want to be out on my own so much but he is trying to hang on. I am afraid to go out on my own.. but I am not happy in my marriage.

I am the Mother of children who are divoce. Every thing you spoke about has or will be happening. My daughter has been divored for a while and every thing has occured in her life, children,finances,and being alone. My son rescued a girl from the trumma. Married her took on her children and finanes had two children who are in their teens. The first two children are out of College His finaces has piled-up on top of her first amount, now she has moved out. Health wise, she needs the support of a family but her mind set is not that way. As a RH person I reconize your statements. And as a woman who is in her 50th year of marriage I have a great understanding of situations and out comes of these situation. Thank you for stating the situation on TV. I hope that many more people saw it and that it will promote deep thinking and hope in couples. My son may loose his house and the trama is affecting all the children.
Thank you again.

I've been married for 45 turmultuous years. At this point - he plays bridge most every day of the week and weekends. I just found out that he has a 'bridge partner'. I started getting very curious and checked cellphone bills. Lots and lots of calls to each other. He gave her a christmas gift which happened to be the same necklace he gave me. They talked on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Years Eve and of course in between. The go to bridge tournments in of town - they come home at night though. She told him "I love you" and he responded "and I love you". This was because I stooped to recording the phone conversation while I went to church, because I knew they would talk. 45 years is a long time to have someone in your life then their gone. I'm sick about this literally. I have even asked him to give up his 'bridge partner' but it does not happen.

we've been 2gether since 91,married N 94, N 2003 my past resurfaced,Aft. more than 10yrs.I was told i had a child. I lied to my wife,N my effort to preserve what we had,and more lies followed. The lies were discovered,1&1/2yrs.later & are the basis of our demise,there has been no infidelity on eatherside,we R close to 1yr. with no affection bet.us, my wife wants a real seperation, beliving N A chance for a renewed happier relationship bet.us,can this really work, she clearly doesnt want a divorce

My wife and I have been together for 18yrs. For the last 8 or 9 years, I feel like she has treated me with utter contempt and distain. A few months ago I finally got the courage to say enough and to seek help. My health, self confidence, and Job have all suffered. With a 12yr old Daughter who as also suffered some physical attacks from my spouse... I still am scared to leave. The guilt I feel for "giving up" is overwhelming.
I know it is the right thing to do. Perhaps thats why it is so difficult. It also helps to know that I am not alone. At this point my primary concern is for my Daughter. In a perfect world, we could have a friendly divorce. However, it is not likely. To be treated with contempt is the single worst thing a spouse can do to another. But I have come to the realization that being lonely is not much fun.... But being lonely when you're with someone SUCKS!

I'm going through a divorce right now and have 2 young kids (1 and 5). It's tough but I'll tell you I'm happier than I've been in years and my ex and I are getting along better than ever. I finally decided that staying for the kids was not really doing them any good at all. Now they see two parents that can be civil and happy in their lives. I think that's alot healthier for them than living in a household of conflict. It's scary to go through divorce, but slowly you learn to pick up the pieces little by little. It's also overwhelming when you think of all that needs to be accomplished. I started by focusing on one thing at a time and now almost 5 months later, I'm finally starting to feel in control of my life. Best of luck to all of you. It also helps if you can find a support group. I went to divorcecare.com and they have some excellent groups all over the nation. It was literally a lifesaver for me!

I have been hiding myself in my 12 year marriage that has created two beautiful and confident children. I did not marry because I was "in love" with my husband. I married because I was 32 yrs old, living in a small town far my own and the lonliness I experienced clouded my judgement. I wanted to belong somewhere. Having children was my answer and my husband was in the perfect spot and place for me to create that. I have no regrets. I take full responsibility for what I did then and what I do now. Now we will have a conversation about what is so for both of us. I know that whatever is said, if it is shared with consideration and generosity toward toward the other we will be able to create the relationship we both want/ or don't want. Ihave been disappointed in our relationship because of I have tried to live up to some standard of what I think a "good wife". That is killing me and my marriage. It is too much work with no satisfaction. My committment is that we both win-including the children.

I will Have been married for 20 yrs com Aug We have 4 kids 2 are adults w/babies We have not lived together for almost 3 yrs for 2 yrs before that we just existed going thru the motions because our kids were still young We are still stuck in a non divorce divorce We can neither reconcile nor afford a divorce I am on gov housing and he has destroyed our credit We cant even sell our house due to his tax lein We have been in a stale mate way too long My children have suffered both when we were together and even now he still tries to put them in the middle
I have sought help numerous times to no avail. I can truly understand how and why people end up in this predicament

I have been married for a little over 2 years, we have been together for about 10. We started out as kids really, and now i feel as though I have matured and have different needs.I do love him, however, he does not respect me, I dont know if he ever really did.I guess years ago for whatever reason it was not that important to me.Now that i am getting older the need to feel respected has become so important to me.He has issues that go way back to his childhood, there is a lack of respect in his parents' relationship and i guess all the years of being exposed to that has molded him into the person he is today.I have tried numerous times to help him to change, I even entered into couples therapy about 5 months ago, he only lasted 2 sessions and now I continue to go on my own.I do not feel as though he will ever respect me, and even if he did at this point I dont think it would make much of a difference.He does not make me feel good, I am not the person I want to be. I need to put me first, and just move on now.

Carli,
It was nice to know there was someone else out there in my situation. I have been married for almost 21 yrs, but we have not had sex in about 4 years. I just thought I would stay with him for my son and try to keep myself happy. After cheating on me for many years now he seems devoted but now I don't want him. I think I am finally ready to do something, but I am scared to death of screwing up my son and supporting myself

Sometimes you just do what you have to do, particularly when children are involved. I am planning on a divorce in 3 years for the simple reason that is whaen my youngest is done with high school. Short story - besides the affairs, my husband had no respect for me during our 17 year (and counting) marriage. I have openly discussed the divorce for the last 2 years as I do not want my daughters (now in high school) to think I reflected the ideal marriage. They do no know the reasons. Frankly, the reasons are only between me and my spouse. I have been 'counting down' now for 5 years. It does get wearing and sometimes i wonder if it is the right thing to do but having raised one child on my own, and witnessed children of others divorced play the parents off each other, I feel it best to have both parents under the same roof. What is not helping is that my in-laws are encouraging my husband to 'work on the marriage, after all she hasn't thrown you out yet' and that really is no longer an option.

Thank you for this article. I truly felt that I was "all alone" in this situation. "All" my friends seem so happily married. They know that my spouse and I are totally "separate" and that I'm too chicken to actually leave. But, I feel I am living with this pain and being a coward. I have 5 more years until my youngest will finish High School. I can not see my way to get a divorce and financially feel secure at the same time. I am too afraid of how to pay the bills, where to live, having to say "no" when the boys want something, not being free to grocery shop when I want to ! I am sad that MONEY is the only reason that I am staying with him.

Anyway, I am so glad to have a place to share my inner pain & frustration. thanks.

Well, this was a timely subject for me. I had the worst couples counseling session ever last night and when I got home I called a divorced friend to vent. She and I came up with the solution of just not trying anymore, but staying here...raise the kids, etc.
Then I saw that segment this morning. I think the universe if speaking to me. It may not be a permanent solution, but it is a positive direction to go in the meanwhile. It is extremely sad that I want to give up. I do love him and the thought of him being with someone else fills me with jealous rage. But, I think that is more a statement about me and my inability to "satisfy" him anymore (due to a debilitaing chronic illness).
Anyway, it's time to stop trying. I hope that by my passive action, he will finally be able to do some work on this situation. I've had enough. It's his turn.

I too feel very alone & isolated in my situation. "I" have been married for 33 1/2 yrs. I've had suspisions about my husband's behavior for many yrs but he ALWAYS had an answer when questioned. I found out by his "W@#!? B*$#@" when she called me, that he has been living a double life for 14+ yrs with her. Living with her-when I thought he was 'out of town',and helping to support her. He knows I know and continues to see her. He has us in deep debt and I have no $ for what I need- a 'wolf of an atty'. I was a stay at home mom for 17yrs and now work part-time. At my age 50+ I am scared to death. We will have to file bancrupcy when we divorce.I will not be able to get a job that will pay well-I am used to a pretty good life style.Why is it that the women always are the ones to suffer and really pay the consequences when there is a divorce,living at or close to poverty level? After a few yrs he will bounce back financially w/his big salary. I didn't mention he is also a functioning(?)alcoholic. I feel so lost

I didn't actually see the segment this morning, but my friend called me to tell me about it. Why? Because lately, I've decided I can't hold in the lie anymore. I'm so full with feelings of being scared that I'm not in love with my husband. I'm done pretending that everything's ok. It turns out that since I've broken the seal - by talking to close friends and my family doctor, a therapist and my husband about my true feelings - I'm finding that I'm so NOT ALONE. In fact, it seems to be a situation that's running rampid. What a shame. The way I see it... if 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce, then at least 1/2 of the still married are walking around miserable in their relationships. So, I'm guessing I didn't actually see the segment this morning, but my friend called me to tell me about it. Why? Because lately, I've decided I can't hold in the lie anymore. I'm so full with feelings of being scared that I'm not in love with my husband. I'm done pretending that everything's ok. It turns out that since I've broken the seal - by talking to close friends and my family doctor, a therapist and my husband about my true feelings - I'm finding that I'm so NOT ALONE. In fact, it seems to be a situation that's running rampid. What a shame. The way I see it... if 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce, then at least 1/2 of the still married are walking around miserable in their relationships. So, I'm guessing PS.... I'm going for the divorce... it's inevitable
PSS... and I have 2 young children

As a teacher who has seen many children of divorce, I say try harder to keep those marriages together.

Many parents try to convince themselves that divorce is best for the kids because it's easier than making an honest effort to make the marriage work.

Many of these parents don't see the effects of divorce on their kids because they don't see that much of their kids. Teachers do.

Kids who are shuffled from one household to another are often disorganized, tired and disoriented. Many of them have a sadness in their eyes and are quick to cry. The pictures they draw are very telling.

Kids of divorce also often own the latest in material goods..tangible symbols of parental guilt.

During parent/teacher conferences, after hearing all of the above, divorced parents will often sum up the meeting by saying, "So all in all, things are going pretty well." That's what they want the record to reflect, so if the teacher doesn't say it, they will.

Work on the marriages. It will be advantageous for your kids.

To those parents who put their careers ahead of their families as priorities, this message is food for thought....

Price of Admission

When your limo gets to Heaven
Will a bouncer guard the gate
Will he analyze your clothing
As if that's what makes you great?

Will he shake his head and say no
If your shoes aren't Jimmy Choos
Will you fail the test to get in
If Armani's not on you?

If you hock your family values
To buy the hottest stuff
Will you earn a place in Heaven
Will you have bought enough?

Will the diamonds on your fingers
On your arm and on your shoes
Impress the folks in Heaven
Do those diamonds pay your dues?

Do the stars in the Enquirer
Mean more than those up in the sky
Both of those can lead you
But to different kinds of high

Think of your destination
How your time and money's spent
Are your gifts and talents being
Used for what is meant?

Reading all of the above comments saddens me, because I can relate to each and every one of them. I too am married, going on 17 years. I am in my late 30's and have tried a number of years to make my husband understand that it takes more than just paying the bills and caring for kids to make a marriage work. I too have faced despair regarding my marriage during the 7th year (thought of having an affair) because of his continual in ability to meet my needs for affection, warmth and togetherness. I have wanted to do counselling but he would not, I have sought spiritual help and it has bolstered me up for a while, but damn it gets hard when the only conversation some one can have with you is when they want sex. I am tired of feeling like a door mat, he never wants to do anything with me outside of the home, and when we attend a family function we never truely go together. I too have been scared over the years to leave. I just don't want to become bitter in my older years over wasted time.

I have been married for 30 years to a wonderful man. He takes care of the family financially and make sure we have what we need. 5 years ago he had surgery on his prostrate. We have not had sex since then. I am about to lose it. I want our sex life back but he refuse to get help. Every time we get into a discussion about it, he changes the subject. I am 50 years old and I am very lonely. It not so much as us not having sex,it is that I think he feels if he can't make love to me he doesn't even touch me. He sometimes makes me feel guilty when I try to talk to him aboutit. He tells me that I am more concern about my needs than his health and that is not true. I feel he is not being simpathetic to my needs. I know there is sex toys but I really want to be held and squeezed by my husband. I do love him but I am very lonely. I am not seeking a divorce, just understanding. I dont want him to feel pressured or stressed because of my needs. Maybe he don't want me anymore, and his surgery is his excuse.

Today is Valentines Day and after giving my husband(of 30 yrs)a gift he accused me of "setting him up"
because he didn't buy me anything. In my heart I know this in not a marriage, it's mearly a living arrangement. My husbands true love is his additions to prescription drugs. He can not, does not, feel love towards another human being. Why have I given up the best years of my life for this? I have been blessed with two wonderful children - but at what price am I paying to live a full adult life with never having a man in love with me? What is wrong with me that I continue to live this way?

Valentines Day! I tried to find the right card like I do every year, but couldn't. In his V-card,I wrote "I know you luv me, but you're not IN luv with me. "My husband and I have been living under the same roof, but not the same bed. We have 3 small kids ages 6,4,&2. It started last yr when I was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. I had to have brain and back surgery. During my 4 month hospital stay one of my friends, who is married w/ 2 babies, was there to help us out. My husband is very shy and quiet. She isn't and until now confides in her. I've been out of the hospital for some time. I am jealous that he can't talk w/ me. I know there is no sex involved. My husband and we have had big discussions several times. Our last conversation, I asked if he wanted to be here. He said yes. Now I realize this is the relationship we have a nondivorce divorce. He's here for the kids. I forgot to mention I am the breadwinner. It scares me to think he'll benefit from my death. I love & want 2 protect my kids.

JANINE, HEY YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I LIVE OR SOON NOT LIVE IN THE SAME SITUATION. THIS TIME INSTEAD OF SAYING THAT I HAVE HAD IT. I BOUGHT A HOUSE AND HAVE TO BE IN IT. WHY PAY 2 MORTGAGES? SEE I HAVE TO GO THUR WITH IT. MAN I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL THE 23RD.

I love my husband and always will. But I hate him for what he has allowed to happen to our relationship. We have been married for 17+ years. For him to not do anything to help make us work is like saying "I don't love you anymore". I am also the bread winner and he has flat out told me he was not going to work. No intimacy, no hungs, kisses and no sex. We can not talk about anything important without a fight. There is nothing left here for us. Soon I will let him know I am done and am moving on. We will fight it out in court like those before us. This for That. I just know to hold onto my faith and my daughter as tight as I can and we will get through the sadness time of my life.

I love my husband and he says he still loves me, but we are about to start divorce proceedings. We have not lived togather for almost a year, but I enjoy spending time with him and we seldom fight. This is my second marriage and his 3rd. His counselor is pressuring him to divorce me and "let me fall flat on my face financially" because he says my hubby has a savior complex and that I am stopping him from moving on with his life. While it is true I am still somewhat finacially dependent the reason we can't live together is his bipolarlism which makes for a bad situation between him and my kids. I felt constantly torn between them. He loves them and they love him but we all get along better without him living with us. Now they feel responsible because we are divorcing. I do not want a divorce and I still love him. In so many ways i feel connected to him. am I just being selfish or is anyone else out there like me, I feel all alone.

I have been thinking about the non-divorce divorce.I've been married for 10 plus years.I work 8 hours a day and drive to and from work 3 hours a day.I come home fix supper,do dishes,give bathes and fold clothes.I have tried to be a good husband but my wife doesn't put forth the same effort.She never initiates sex,never bought me gift(birthday,christmas,valentines day),never does anything out of the blue just to make me feel good about myself.I have talked to her repetedly about how I feel but nothing ever changes.I just want to give up.

Have been separated for 2 yrs. Finally he filed 6 mths ago, but ONLY proceeds w/more threats from his attorney when I get mad at him & "bitch" abt something. Yet,he gets mad at me, too. Anyway..I realize now that we have a Non-Divorce marriage. We quit doing things together & went to bed together maybe 1X a mth or two. Just both worked, raised the kids, they r now 11 & 12 (his 3rd marriage by the way, my 1st). Till one day...he had an affair & I asked him to leave. So, we have been living happily apart now for 2 yrs & juggle the kids nicely & sometimes do things together as a family. I truly have a love/hate relationship w/the man & he probably feels the same, but has NOW decided he just doesn't want to be married anymore. Hello..why not work on the marriage, even if living apart? Hey, I've had my affairs now,too&I only go out w/younger men.I'm 50.He's 65.Had found him w/a 26 yr old. Should I just not "bitch" anymore & live a NON-Divorce?If I just leave him alone, he'd stay married. Is Ok w/me. Crazy & sad,huh?

Wow, I never realized anyone else was in this situation! We've been married for 14 years, but not together the past five years. Every once in a while he'll mention divorce, but we can't afford it. Its extremely lonely.

As a 52 year old growing up in this sitituation, let me tell you that you aren't doing the children any favors by staying together. My parents have been married 55 years, and out of those years they've been non-divorced at least 45 of them. I've got 4 siblings, and out of all 5 we've all have had more than 1, 2, and 3 failed marriages. I feel that children need to be raised in a loving enviroment, seeing their parents loving each other in a healthy relationship. I feel that when you don't see this and feel the love you as a child will not learn what it's suppose to be like. It makes you learn all the bad behaviors of choosing all the wrong men, that eventually you're in the same boat as you grew up in. All I heard all my life was when the baby sister graduated school we'll divorce, she quit school. Well, still no divorce, separate rooms, arrive at family gatherings separate cars, etc. Bottom line, YOU'RE NOT DOING ANY JUSTICE OR FAVORS TO THE KIDS BY STAYING TOGETHER PERIOD!

I am one of the siblings that Glenda talked about. I can never remember my parents sleeping in the same room much less the same bed. I am on my third marriage at 46 and have been married for 14 years. We have had some tough times but pulled through it. I had no idea what commitment or love truly was until I met my husband. Even if your kids are small they realize that something is wrong and something is missing, the love between husband and wife the way that God meant for it to be. You can't be a good parent if you are constantly fighting and complaining. We never as kids went on vacations or to the movies with our parents because they barely talked to each other. Why put children through that. Life is hard enough without having to deal with turmoil in the home. The home is a safe haven when things in the world are not. And that is where they will turn if they can't find the peace and love and understanding of Christian parents. Maybe these people are missing the most important love of their life, Jesus Christ.

I have been married for 25 yeas, officially separated for the past 3 yrs. We decided to stay in this non-divorce divorce until one of us decides to move on with someone else. We have two small children. Since the separation occurred before they could remember anything, this separation arrangment is the norm for them. We take turns to take care of them, their base home is my house, so their father still comes to my house. They are growing up knowing that their parents love them, because our focus is on them, not our problem. I address him as my ex in public. I am in a relationship with another man, but my ex is ok with it. We have an agreement that each of us can live as if we weren't married. We decided to stay married for strictly financial reasons. I can see why so many people have no choice but choose this route to compromise their situation. Divorce costs too much. We need to save for college and retirement, etc... It's the same for me, divorced or not divorce, I still have to deal with my ex anyway

I've suffered through what turned out to be 2 lousy marriages. The first time around I married for his family's money. I'm from a churchmouse poor, but devout, family. His family thought Sunday was meant for golf. We bounced along for years, until our 3-day old son and his 19 year old brother died within a day of each other (both for medical reasons). This double tragedy sent hubby on a fast downward spiral. We were divorced after 6 1/2 years of marriage. He hasn't seen our daughter in over 25 years, and I don't know if he's alive or dead.
I stayed single for 23 years, then married the man of my dreams. He married my wallet. We soon began living from paycheck to paycheck, until the day his son committed suicide. We'd been married 18 months and he died inside that day, finally leaving on the second anniversary of the death.
Next time around? Won't be one!

WOW! I can't believe so many people live like me. I have been married for 27 years, have 2 grown children. I am the only breadwinner in the family, work very hard and travel for my job. I come home to someone with no ambition, is depressed, angry and bitter. I can't break this barrier and now am not sure I want to. I am just tired. I can't figure out why I keep trying when I know I don't want too. I am also tired of complaining to my friends, and getting angry and bitter at myself. I have no respect for my husband and sometimes feel disdain. Why do I keep trying? Do I need to be loved that badly? What is truly wrong with me. I think I stay for the kids, even though they are grown. But I know I also stay out of fear of loneliness (which is worse, as I am lonely here as well).

I've been down the path 3 times with my "husband" telling me he's not happy. I've have tried to make this "marriage" work but it take 2 to make it work. I'm turning 40 next month and I'm thinking that after 16 years of marriage and an amazing son who's 4, that it is time to throw in the towel and not waste any more time in a marraige that there is no affection. I look in the mirror and see the gray hairs and wonder where the time has gone! I'm not happy in this marriage and just can't see this turning around with just me working on it. I guess I'm just really tired of trying so hard. I would love to have affection, romance, love and passion in my life... I feel that I am really ready to move on. At this point I don't fear the unknown of divorce because fortunately I am educated and have a good job and I know I will do well. I guess I am just tired of everything and all I want is to be happy!

I want to thank you for bringing this topic to so many peoples attention and letting them know they are not alone.

I am a divorce lawyer specializing in the kind of healthy divorces you talk about. (www.divorcewithouwar.info) I have seen many couples choosing to remain undivorced. You have addressed the mental health perils of such a relationship. I often educate my clients on the legal perils. A divorce can be more complicated if you wait years to do it -- especially if you live in a community property state -- and maybe even if you don't.

Thanks for what you do. I use you as one of my resources for my clients.

i feel sad when reading this but at the same time more at peace. Have i finaly found what my marriage is called. The sad part to all this is seeing that all these readers are in there 30 and up, it scares me to even think that i might be 50 and still feel all alone. I have been married for 8 years this year and have a child who is 6. I used to have the kisses, hugs ,sex all at the beggining of our marriage now he sleeps on the coach because he says the bed hurts his back.HAHAHA Always an excuse!!This has been happenning for 6 years now. We will have sex 2 a month an u are lucky to have it last 1 hour. Not to mention we are both under 30 years old.Their is no real explanation for this except that he might love me but is not in love with me. I'm starting to hold it against him and it has now been 8 weeks sence we had any sexual thing and i don't feel like i want 2. It's very sad to get to this. I love my husband, and i would love to be able to just fix this don't matter what the exit is,as long as everyone is happy

I saved the The Non-Divorce Divorce segment for my husband to watch. I feel like we are living in this new category of couples paralyzed by fear. I still love a man who told me one night "I'm not happy anymore". We went to counseling, read self help books and spent many hours learning how to communicate with one another. We have been together for 23yrs and have two young children together. I am turning 41 this year and do not want to start my life over. I am willing to work as long as it takes to strengthen our relationship and bring it to a higher level. He seems to still be lost in his midlife journey. His desire to have some freedom and space are overshadowed by his fear of being alone and leaving his children. I want him to be happy but I also have to live a happy life. I told him we can't just "exist". He needs to either fight for his family or fight to leave.

I've been staying with the wife for 3 years now in essentially a non-divorce divorce - aka - a miserable marriage - that spans a total of 10 years. Her best friend told me not to get involved with her 11 years ago as she had a drinking problem that she wasn't telling me about. Well, I married her, and now I'm stuck. She does have a drinking problem and won't admit it. She has over 6 drinks a night - EVERY NIGHT. I do love her and her son, but I was told this past weekend, by her, that I was just a paycheck to her. If she had the money she would have left a while ago. What do I do? She doesn't work, she has not wanted to in a while. Do I kick her out? I don't know if I can do that, however, what about me? Do I stay miserable for a few more years until her son is out of school? She doesn't want to work this out - and I don't want to pay for her laziness / drinking habit (alimony). Everyone tells me I'm crazy to stay with her, am I?

I was all about the kids for the whole marriage...and knew they needed to see their parents happy. So I tried to make him happy even though he was very selfish and never did things for me.I hid his selfishness from our kids doing things like buying them gifts and telling them their Dad had done it. One day he announced he did not love me and the very next day he left. I was 44. My kids were 16 and 18. He kept paying the housepayment, but did not leave a number to be reached. A year later I got his wages garnished in a divorce settlement just into accounts for my kids. I did not take his "blood money." Looking back on this, I blame him for leaving and I blame him for being selfish. However, I am the one that allowed him to treat me that way for so many years. I should have made him work on the marriage and maybe we could have fixed it. My biggest regret is the bad example this set for my daughters.

i am married for 5 years.i have a 3yr old son.we have been living like this for sometime time.he had an affair,which he says is over,but he does not work on our marriage.he has been lying and cheating for several months.he shows no remorse for what he did.i wish that he realises that he broke my heart.to top it all he blames me and says that i dont care for him.all these years he was always emotionally unavailable and irresponsible and never let me feel secure and wrecked me emotionally.he can read me like a book and tell what i am feeling by just looking at me.but he continues to hurt me in every way.i try to reach out to him ,but he pushes me away.i have this wrenching pain in my heart that wont go away.the sad thing is that i still love him and yearn for him.even though i now realise that i was not happy all the while,i cannot let go of him.is this normal?i am very attached to him and believe that if we try we can overcome this.how can i make him realise that i love him and that we can be happy?please help me

This is an interesting article. My husband and I have been living like this for 4 weeks now. The tension, unhappiness, unresolved feelings and anger are not going away. It is a tough way to live, only for the very strong hearted. I do not believe that after 4 weeks or 4 years of non marriage things will improve. My children are grown, but children being raised in this situation have to grow very thick skin. I believe it is wrong. Divorce & get on with your life or resolve your marriage problems. This is no way to live. Why be afraid to live alone when misery is right in your face every single day?

Iam in a bad way right now i have been married over 21 yrs and on april 6 my husband walked out on the kids and i without saying good byeeeits so hard right now i dont know what to do

"'I hate divorce,' says the Lord God of Israel." Malachi 3:16

"Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate." Matthew Matthew 19:6, Mark 10:9

www.letnoman.com

Once again, it is better usually to stay together and work things out maturely.

Bruce

My husband doesn't love me anymore. He has decided that his poetry is more important than anything else, and that I take up too much energy. I want him to take our commitment seriously, but he's not motivated to work on a relationship that isn't rewarding to him. What an insult to "not be rewarding". I'd rather live with a cheating husband than one who sees me as an obstacle to happiness.

I want to work on our relationship, but it takes two. "I am looking for someone who can take as much as I give, and give back as much as I need, and still have the will to live."

How depressing it is to scan through all the unhappy marriages...makes me wonder..if we're all afraid to start alone. I cried as I started reading the pain and the hurt and hate each commentor shared. To share mine would only be redundant. I see no way to change the unhappiness

Anyone who is living "divorced" under the same roof is only kidding themselves. Been there, done that. Be true to yourself. It only ends up wasting time in the long run. The feelings of being alone and the financial burden of being alone goes away. I have finally been divorced for one year, when it should've happened 10 yers ago. I am the happiest I've ever been in my life and I did it all on my own. My children are so much better off to see a happy mother that is independent and happy. It's amazing the feeling to get when you look back and go, "oh my gosh, I did this, I've made it a year and everyone is happy and healthy!
Don't waste your time. All everyone wants is to be happy, so if you aren't, don't wait another day. End it as friends and move on and search for your prince charming, he's out there!