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You've just been told "Yes, it's cancer"
Cancer is responsible for a quarter of all deaths in the United States each year. There are 1.2 million new cases of cancer diagnosed annually and 1,500 people die each day from cancer. These scary statistics — despite the fact that many people do well with cancer treatments — make hearing the diagnosis of cancer feel synonymous with a death sentence and truly traumatic.
Dr. Kubler Ross has written about the stages of feelings one goes through when dying and in fact, it is common for a person newly diagnosed with cancer to go through some or all of these stages. They are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and lastly, acceptance. Sometimes the fears of one’s own sickness — and possible death — do cause them or their family member to be in denial of the diagnosis, or be completely depressed and despondent.
While it is important to grieve about the situation in your own way, these types of reactions can get in the way of pursuing the treatments you need to get. Gathering all the facts from the proper doctors is absolutely key when it comes to embarking on cancer treatment. In addition, it is important to be as positive as possible about the outcome and be a “fighter” because those patients generally tend to do better with tolerating the treatments. This is a time to use all your resources — your family, friends, professional help, support groups — whether you are the one with the cancer or your family member is. When cancer strikes, it effects the entire family and everyone will need help. Sometimes it is even harder for the spouse than it is for the patient. Here are some things to consider when you or your family member have been told “Yes, it’s cancer”.
1. It’s OK to be afraid. You may think that being scared can overwhelm you so turn to denial, anger or depression. Those emotions may keep you from pursuing treatment and may also cause you to push away the very ones you love and need and who need to help you. Let yourself be afraid, it’s a very normal response.
2. Let others help — not just for you, but for them too. The most difficult part of this diagnosis is feeling helpless to fix it. Letting your loved ones do whatever they can for you (talk to you, go to the doctor with you) will make them feel more useful and make you feel supported.
3. Organize and act. Many cancers do very well with chemo and other treatments, but the earlier you start treatment, the better. Though you may be reeling, you must get going and find the best treatment available. Usually you will get the diagnosis from your general doctor and then you MUST find the proper cancer care specialist (or two) to tell you the facts about your cancer and what treatment options are available to you. If you cannot because of how you feel, then let others galvanize for you, delegate to them. Waiting will only lessen the odds.
4. Prepare for the way you want it to be. Out of terror of dying, it is hard to think about how you would want to die if you cannot be saved, but is so important to do. Nothing is harder for family then not knowing what you wanted and then fighting amongst themselves. Now, when you are strong and prepared for the battle, is the time to make these plans. Do you want a living will? Do you want all life support or never to be on a respirator? Who will you give power of attorney to if you cannot act? Have you made a will? If there is no hope, do you want to die at home? These are tough questions but they get tougher as you get sicker and closer to the scary idea of death. It is best to decide, prepare and tell your family your choices while you still feel able to hold your ground for what you want and able to explain to your family its importance to you.
5. Talk to those you love. Many people never get to say what they needed to their spouse, children, parent, sibling or friend before they were gone. Now is the time to tell them whatever you really want them to know, if you don’t you will have to live with the regrets. So don’t let fear or embarrassment hold you back. These can be things too that your family can have to think about if the worst should happen.
6. Get professional help. This is amongst the hardest thing to get through and many people get depressed. There is no reason not to get extra help and possibly medication.
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My breast cancer diagnoses last summer was a shock. It's a good thing that my husband accompanied me to subsequent doctor visits and took notes on the vast amount of information.
My husband's notes not only allowed us to absorb the facts, but to also be sure of them when well meaning friends questioned what we were saying.
Constantly updated research provides the basis for frequently changing treatment options. Those who were treated even a few years ago did not have the benefit of the latest information and were not familiar with it last summer. That caused them to be skeptical of the course of treatment my doctors chose for my individual case. It was tiring to try to explain!!!
Through my medical team, I'm learning just how individualized cancer treatment is now and how many factors come into play.
The Today Show has the capability of relaying the LATEST life saving information in cancer treatment and other medical conditions. Why are they spending so much time on subjects of so little importance?
A dear friend was recently diagnosed with cancer. It does, literally, take your breath away. I've found great support on iVillage's Breast Cancer board - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhbreast
I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer this past month but I feel becaue its so cureable everyone is pushing it off as though I have the common cold. :(
I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in August 2005 and am still battling through testing and now they are talking about me possibly having colon cancer. I am only 22 years old. After hearing I had thyroid cancer, it made me incredibly nauseous b/c I knew they would tell me I could have no more children (they were wrong!). Between the times of finding the lump and getting the official diagnosis, I did all the research and felt nearly at peace when I found out and my husband was also well informed. I am scared to death, though, about the possibility of having colon cancer.
I am 47 and was diagnosed with breast Cancer on the 28 of February 2007. I had surgery on the 13th of March to remove the tumor and three lymph nodes. The nodes tested negative for the cancer, but the pathology test came back they would like more tissue removed to be on the safe side. I went back for more surgery to remove more tissue on the 23rd of March. I am not scared but, surprised of all this is happening to me. This has happened all too quick. I am single and have a daughter and a son. My Daughter is expecting a baby girl, my first granddaughter. Everyone tells me I am very strong. I would not call it being strong, but positive and I love life. I feel that everyone should get their yearly check ups but, once you get tests done call for your results. Don't wait for the call. Be persistant and follow through on everything. This is your body and you need to act quickly and be positive. I feel we all need more education on the subject. Even if we are told we are not at risk.
My breast cancer diagnosis 4 years ago at the age of 58 was a big surprise. Then I learned that I fell into several risk categories, age, 9 years on HRT, my first child born at 31, and radiation to remove my adnoids as a child. Because my cancer was early stage and I had a strong support group and doctors I trusted and who allowed me to be part of my health care team I went for an aggressive treatment and never looked back. Today, four years later I continue my follow-up doctor visits and medication to surpress estrogen production. I feel great and very fortunate on so many levels. I no longer fear the word cancer.
I was diagnosed with liver cancer in July of 2005. I was tested and able to get on the transplant listin November. The normal wait time for a liver was normally around a year, and that did me no good. The drs said I had about 3 to 4 months before it was in my blood. I was given a liver on January 4, 2006 and I am cancer free. Never, ever give up hope. No matter the outcome, I found that fear was the greatest challenge I had to face and with my belief system in place, my God would handle the fear and give me peace of mind to get better....or be with Him. Either way, I was in a win-win situation. Today, I live without fear, and enjoy each day. Life is good. I just follow Drs. orders.
No cancer in my family, I was active, I was 52 and haphazardly found a lump high on my breast. It was cancer. I was glad I opted for bi-lateral mastectomy, an agressive move but I did not want to go through this twice. Chemo followed and the prognosis is excellent although I removed myself from arimidex treatment because it made me feel so awful.Will discuss with the oncologist but quality of life is important -- I'm single and want to make the best of whatever time is left. I will always be looking over my shoulder to see how far away that Spectre of Cancer is. Once you have it, it may not kill you in the long run but it will never sidle out of your life either. It is treatable and being treated. After the first bout with cancer, you always have to be prepared for the next one. One does truly learn to live with cancer even when it is apparently dormant.You wonder how long it will stay dormant...but life and living go on.
I was diagnosed with follicular non-hodgkins lymphoma (stage 4)at the age of 40 in 2003. I was treated with chemo and today I remain in "remission." Although my Dr. kept a close eye on a lesion in my left lung that didn't shrink with chemo, I was just recently diagnosed with a second cancer (completely unrelated to lymphoma)called a carcinoid tumor. (non-smoker) I had a lobectomy in Nov. and this cancer is 98% cured. Someone once told me "God brought you to this, He will get you through it." I believe it and say it to myself everyday. I also say, "I will get better and better everyday in everyway." And I will. I will be that patient my drs. talk about for years to come about how I survived a cancer that is not curable but treatable (lymphoma)and how it miraculously disappeared. I am blessed with a fabulous husband and children and family who I get my strength from. I am thankful to be alive and that God has restored my health. I will always do my part and remember that the rest is not in my control.
In 1999 I was diagnosed with edometrial cancer. I was lucky because it was found so early I only needed a hysterectomy. In 2002, I was diagnosed with colon cancer, totally unrelated to the first. Fortunately, the surgeon was a friend of my husbands and was willing to rearrange his schedule to get me into surgery in less than a week after the diagnosis. Six months of chemo and radiation and now 5 years later I'm cancer free.
The cancer ghost is always in the background - not just because of my personal history, but because in my mom's family there were 11 siblings and 9 of them had some form of cancer.
I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 2003 at age 37. Within the next twelve months three of my sisters (all younger) were also diagnosed with thyroid cancer, another sister with "pre-cancer", and my 16-year old daughter with "pre-cancer". I was told "oh, do they still even consider thyroid cancer to be a real cancer?" It just made me want to scream. It's very real, so were the surgeries, the depression, the medications, and the radioactive iodine treatment. It's rough living with a cancer diagnosis, especially when your insurance company drops you and you can't get coverage. I found a wonderful forum of people who have "been there, done that" - they are the only ones who get me through it.
Anyone out there with stomach cancer? My mother was diagnosed with Stage 3 Adinocarcinoma recently and I only hear negatives!
I was diagnosed with Acute Myloid Leukemia on Christmas Eve 2004 at age 52. My odds of even walking out of the hospital were 3-13% at best!! All we heard about was other people who had died from this cancer, even my husband's older sister!!! All seemed so hopeless. I went through 4 rounds of intense chemo. I now watch my diet, exercise and have changed much of my enviroment. I have been completely cancer free (even my DNA tests show that I am cured!!)for 2 years now. My odds of survival are now at around 95% and I feel healthier and better than I did in my 30's!!!
The cancer scare is a ploy to me. It is not always the blanketed term "cancer," and the lack of proper information is usually why misdiagnoses border on medical malpractice. The truth is, many problems identified as cancer can be treated by eating right and exercise. Usually a simple misalignment of the spine can be diagnosed as cancer when it could be corrected by treatment of the muscle area and / or a sprang. Bone spurs can also cause something that resembles cancer, but it is difficult to treat an injury because if the patient will not do the work to heal, it will be a permanent problem. It takes a lot of work to stay alive, and that is my valid point.
Bruce