On the Couch with Gail Saltz, M.D. | A Mental Health Blog at iVillage.com
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Straight vs.Curly Hair
This topic is really near and dear to my heart because I am a curly haired woman who has gone from feeling absolutely tortured about my hair as a kid (I don't fit in, I can't make it look good, kids are teasing me for looking weird or different) to being told I really should wear it straight for work (it looks neater, more professional, etc.) to just recently deciding that I have had it with constantly blow drying it straight (a long, laborious task) and that actually I now love my curls and feel that my outside should reflect my inside and I am at heart, a curly girl. I feel more authentically myself curly, even if now and then I decide its fun to switch it up with a straight "do."
But, it has surprised even me, how strongly people feel about a woman's hair, both male and female. How many people felt comfortable saying "I really don't like your hair curly" and how many really gushed that they much prefer it that way. How could one look evoke such opposing and vehement responses?
Hair is really a woman's crowning glory, a reflection of her tastes, her feelings, and people "THINK" they know a lot about you from your hair. Of course, this isn't necessarily true. But each person has their own interpretation based on their life experiences about what hair color, texture and style mean. I went from hearing as a straight haired woman that I was "serious," "intense," and "smart," to hearing that I look "sexy," "cute," "spunky," and a "spitfire." Well, I have not changed, but when people respond to you based on your look, you can see how it might also alter your self-view and your behavior because they are treating you differently.
Throughout history, hair has been seen as a sign of strength (Samson) and often sexuality. That still rings true today for many women who feel "good" if she likes her hair that day and feel "lousy" if she is, in fact, having a "bad hair day." Many children and adults find it so upsetting to get a bad haircut. Losing your hair is a very traumatic event for many men and for the (fewer) women that it happens to.
Our iVillage Index showed that less than half of all women liked their hair! That is sad, because while it is human to feel that the grass is greener somewhere else, I think many women are not happy with their hair because they think they should look like the models and celebrities in magazines and you all know they had someone spend several hours making their hair look that way.
My voyage with hair has reminded me how important it is to appreciate who you are, to embrace your individuality, and that being the "real" you is as good as it gets.
Watch the segment from TODAY:
iVillage Related Links:
• Makeover-o-Matic
The Makeover-o-Matic virtual makeover lets you try on hairstyles with your own photo or a model photo, virtually. Always wanted to go curly or straight? Find your best online makeover look, without the risk!
• Hair Remedy Finder
• Louis Licari: Your Hair Affair - Love It Or Leave It
But, it has surprised even me, how strongly people feel about a woman's hair, both male and female. How many people felt comfortable saying "I really don't like your hair curly" and how many really gushed that they much prefer it that way. How could one look evoke such opposing and vehement responses?
Hair is really a woman's crowning glory, a reflection of her tastes, her feelings, and people "THINK" they know a lot about you from your hair. Of course, this isn't necessarily true. But each person has their own interpretation based on their life experiences about what hair color, texture and style mean. I went from hearing as a straight haired woman that I was "serious," "intense," and "smart," to hearing that I look "sexy," "cute," "spunky," and a "spitfire." Well, I have not changed, but when people respond to you based on your look, you can see how it might also alter your self-view and your behavior because they are treating you differently.
Throughout history, hair has been seen as a sign of strength (Samson) and often sexuality. That still rings true today for many women who feel "good" if she likes her hair that day and feel "lousy" if she is, in fact, having a "bad hair day." Many children and adults find it so upsetting to get a bad haircut. Losing your hair is a very traumatic event for many men and for the (fewer) women that it happens to.
Our iVillage Index showed that less than half of all women liked their hair! That is sad, because while it is human to feel that the grass is greener somewhere else, I think many women are not happy with their hair because they think they should look like the models and celebrities in magazines and you all know they had someone spend several hours making their hair look that way.
My voyage with hair has reminded me how important it is to appreciate who you are, to embrace your individuality, and that being the "real" you is as good as it gets.
iVillage Related Links:
• Makeover-o-Matic
The Makeover-o-Matic virtual makeover lets you try on hairstyles with your own photo or a model photo, virtually. Always wanted to go curly or straight? Find your best online makeover look, without the risk!
• Hair Remedy Finder
• Louis Licari: Your Hair Affair - Love It Or Leave It
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I inherited premature gray from my mom - she was salt-n-pepper from age 25 on, and I found my first gray at age 15!! Ouch! So I'd colored it for about a dozen years, and then stopped. Shock!! At age 40, I was completely gray!! Oy! But, after a while, got used to it. Then I got married. And the (now ex-) husband harped on me all the time to "go back to that red" that he never actually knew on me, only from pictures. Well, let me tell ya. At 48 now, I'm back to my REAL red (which is how I always thought of myself) and happier than ever!! But as far as straight or curly, I've learned to live with my hair structure as it is - I refuse to fight with it anymore. Life is too short! Love your hair. Love yourself. Love. Your. Self!
Don't hide your curly hair. Mine is straight and after raving for months over my co-workers naturally curly hair, I got a perm and LOVE IT!!
I just saw the segment on nbc along with ann curry. Young girl #2 that went straight...PleAse hear us !! You look 10 years younger and very attractive ! That is why your man didn't like it. DON'T LISTEN TO HIM ! He must feel treatened by your beauty. Enjoy your external beauty while you have it...us women please these men enough ! You look hot sister...hot ! Keep it up and when you want curly...go curley. I have this hair to, and I love the constant options...and the different reactions from people in general. Please yourself first, I can tell inside you really like it...then you can please others if you are happy. Terry & Vanessa from Philly.
Dr. Saltz, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your segment on curly hair!! You UNDERSTAND! You Share! I too am a VERY curly haired individual from birth! I have stories galore on the escapades of hair dressers TRYING to control & straighten my locks! I have invested more in hair products than any other thing in my life! and never finding a solution until 2 yrs ago when a hairdresser straightened mine successfuly as the women on the show today & I cried like a baby that I was "normal" for the 1st time. Now, because I know I can chose,(and the time it takes blowing/ironing) I now love my curly hair. I CHOSE it and am happy for it! From this same hairdresser, I have found the perfect products for both curly and straight if I want, & the attention I get I no longer see as weird & negative, but that I chose to be who I am. I live in the Midwest & finding someone who can do hair this way was a miracle for me.
Psycologically, no one knows what it means unless they have been there. Thank you again for being a "friend" who knows!
Dr. Saltz, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your segment on curly hair!! You UNDERSTAND! You Share! I too am a VERY curly haired individual from birth! I have stories galore on the escapades of hair dressers TRYING to control & straighten my locks! I have invested more in hair products than any other thing in my life! and never finding a solution until 2 yrs ago when a hairdresser straightened mine successfuly as the women on the show today & I cried like a baby that I was "normal" for the 1st time. Now, because I know I can chose,(and the time it takes blowing/ironing) I now love my curly hair. I CHOSE it and am happy for it! From this same hairdresser, I have found the perfect products for both curly and straight if I want, & the attention I get I no longer see as weird & negative, but that I chose to be who I am. I live in the Midwest & finding someone who can do hair this way was a miracle for me.
Psycologically, no one knows what it means unless they have been there. Thank you again for being a "friend" who knows!
What a great segment! Did anyone catch the anme of the stylist? He was amazing. I think it was Francky L'Official in New York City but I'm not sure. Does anyone know anything about the salon?
So glad you're focusing on this subject.
You said that you'd spent years trying to get your hair to be something it wasn't, until you realized that you wanted to value your authentic self. Did it takes years for you to get to this point because of messages you got from our culture when you were younger?
It would be enlightening and educational to have women keep a log of the time they spend on trying to make themselves fit a narrow description of beauty.
Once we know how much time and money we're actually spending on chasing the illusive look, let's do something similar to what Joy Bowers does when she looks at how we're spending calories and how to better spend them.
Ex:
2 hours
hair/make up OR volunteering with kids
$10,000.
facelift OR helping N. Orleans
If we embraced authentic aging, we'd be happy with curly/straight graying hair, faces of character, comfortable shoes at reasonable prices.
If we embrace how we're naturally looking, we can spend the money we save...on living.
I'm trying to find out the name of the salon featured in the curly/straight segment on NBC's Today Show. HELP!
The stylist's name is Francky L'Official and his salon is in Manhattan. My friend is a client and she loves him. The girls on the segment looked really beautiful.
was an amaizing segment,and francky l'official the hairstylist he's so handsome and so talented
i want see him.. is francky l'official salon in NY city ?
I wish you would do a segment on short or long hair. I am 62. I some natural curl. For me, it is easier to work with when it is short. My husband wants it a little longer. Any comments?
I can only echo what everyone has said, and I cried when I watched the segment. And I was excited when my very curly hair got flatironed the first time, and still am every time. I love it, the feel, texture and the look. And yet, I love my curly too now.
GREAT JOB, really nice makeover
congratulation francky l'official
What an amazing segment. All the girls looked so great, they should all keep their new styles. My friend said that she's been to Francky's salon in Manhattan and absoluely LOVES HIM!!! Not to mention he's gorgeous! I think he does some major celebs too. I just called her and she said his salon is on Madison Avenue and 84th Street. I defintely have to make it up there. Great segment TODAY! xoxo
Yep, Madison Ave. and 84th St. The salon is gorgeous I've been there. Francky and the staff are fabulous!
I know that hair doesnt make who you are. Its all about what is in the inside. And how you cary your self. i have Alopeca Alerta I have no hair on my body. Sometimes its hard but I walk with my head held up hi. And my husband met me this way and thinks it is sexy. So be thankful for your hair.
I was watching the show this morning and I thought that girl #2 went through the mst amazing hair change... I have the same hair as she does - what was the name of the stylist? the french guy?
Bad Hair Day Perspective from a Chemotherapy Patient
Words cannot describe how disappointed I was with the Curly versus Straight Hair segment. I lost my hair last week as a result of chemo treatment for breast cancer. Is the question of straight versus curly hair really an issue? What happened to self esteem and liking yourself and all your flaws? I thought each of those women looked beautiful BEFORE the hair makeover! I would give anything for a bad hair day or any hair day right now. My condition is temporary and when my hair grows back I vow NEVER to complain about my hair again. That is what I was saying out loud to the TV this AM during the segment - "I will never complain about my hair EVER again!"
Is hair really a woman's crowning glory, a reflection of her tastes, her feelings? Do people "THINK" they know a lot about you from your hair? These are words used in the segment. Oh my goodness, that is the most superficial thing I have ever heard in my life. We women can do better than that!
Beth ann,
the french guy is francky l'official and he has a salon on madison av and he's the stylist, i heard about him many times, and i agree he's GORGEOUS
In my twenties I finally made peace with my wavy hair. I always battled to straighten or curl it, and now I just let it be. I still straighten/curl my hair for special occasions, but for the most part I just put a little oil and let my big waves roll. My hair is healthier and happier for it, plus I get more time in the morning to snooze.
I do think that too many people feel they have the right to make comments about our hair. I couldnt believe how many people told me they preferred me as a red head after I went blonde (I'm naturally a brunette). Eveyone seemed to have an opinion on it. I just got bored and thought blonde was easier to maintain, but goodness did I get a rise out of people. I got an earful for it from men and women. The women preferred the red, and hands down the men preferred the blonde (I had alot of dates all of a sudden). It's just hair people! Nothing else about me changed!
I have long curly hair and I have always loved it. People often ask me if I wish my hair was straight and I say no way. It is so easy in the morning to wash it and let it air dry. If I do want to go straight, I go to the salon and let them blow dry it out, it's fun. I am happy with what God blessed me with. Thank you.
The comment made at the end of the show was the most profound: "We are not our hair."
When you've lost your hair to chemotherapy you find that to be true and it's liberating. You find that there was a real person under all that hair. Fellow patients make that discovery with you. We feel unconditional acceptance...relating rather than competing.
While I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone, it would be nice if you could experience the complete absence of hair while you sit in the complete presence of yourself and others who have found their inner selves, having lost the outer vanity.
Hair can be a distraction from the things that matter more. It can take up so much time that you don't have time for the things that matter more.
My hair used to be shoulder length, but now I keep it about an inch long and gray. Wash and wear hair has given me the gift of time. No blow drying and styling each morning, no coloring every month.
I now volunteer to help chemo patients with questions about the process. They love the look.
On a related issue....noses. Have we reached the point where we're having our noses cut as casually as we're having our hair cut? Does everybody want the same nose, courtesy of surgery?
Matt Lauer's report from Iran was interesting, yet disturbing. Increasing numbers of Iranian women are having nose jobs. It begs the question.....are we exporting the best of American culture....when we transport the idea of being cut to meet a specific standard of beauty?
Why must all noses look like the one on the Barbie doll? My grandmother, my mother and I all have Italian-Jewish noses, which aren't found on Barbies.
My relatives are accomplished women who are proud of their heritage. They are smart business women who are also family oriented and community minded. In fact, they spend so much time organizing charity events, that they spend little time on contriving appearance. The natural look of these women is regal. They carry themselves with confidence. I appreciate that they've given me pride in myself as I am.
I can straighten you out in a way that you will love.
I was born with curley hair. When I ws a teenager the style was straight. Now that I am an adult I like it because I can wear it straight or curley. Thank you.
I have very tight curls on the top of my head and straight to wavy along the sides and back. Yes, this is natural.
This has caused me unended grief.
I have either permed the sides and back to go with the top or cut it really short so it's not as noticeable.
I have confused more than one hairstylist with this problem.
I have chosen to wear it short and my natural colour, which is now gray.
I just watched an episode of Oprah on which you were a guest, and I LOVE your hair curly! It makes you look younger, more relaxed, and more approachable than your straight do. Whoever told you to lose the curls was wrong.
i tried francky l'official at francky l'official salon on 84th st and madison av and he's AMAIZING
and really sexy..
Look, if you want curly hair eat herbs. If you want straight hair, eat noodles.
It's as easy as that.
Bruce
My hair was straight and fantastic until I hit puberty. Ever since then, I just deal with my hair and blow dry it every other day. Am I miserable? No, it's just something I do, and I LOVE my hair when its straight.
For those of you who can actually do something to change your hair or your
"look" - BE THANKFUL! Not everyone who
has straight hair can get a perm! I was always teased for my long straight hair
in school. As an adult I gradually cut it shorter and shorter to make it more
manaageable! My hair is baby fine and ultra-thin to boot! Once I wanted to get something really nice looking for a very special occasion so I let myself get talked into getting a perm.... and that
perm RUINED my special occasion! WHY you might ask? Because after only 10 mins. with the solution on my hair my scalp began burning and itching and the little hair I had FELL OUT!! I was practically BALD in only a few short minutes when most women take at least 30 mins. to get a perm. I was lucky my hair did finally grow back, and I will NEVER get another perm as long as I live!! My hair is now short and straight and the only thing I do is color it from time to time with no ill effects. I am doomed to having my thin, baby-fine, straight hair the rest of my life! Curlers never worked, even hot rollers and curling irons never worked either! And the perms are most definitely OUT OF THE QUESTION!!! You
curly haired people with all your moaning about what a hassle it is have no idea what it feels like to be BALD on the biggest day of your life, so stop your belly-aching and be grateful for the wonderful gift God gave you! I was not so lucky.....
A good comparison is here about straight hairs and curly hairs...Excellent article !!!!!!!!