Sometimes, men and women are guilty of "letting themselves go" once they're married because they feel like they don't have to try to look good or be attentive anymore. This is a huge mistake by both sexes. People have to remember what got them together in the first place.

I believe everyone looks at an attractive person, male or female. It is natural. The deciding factor to me of when looking crosses the line to oogling is the time spent looking. A glance is about 2 - 3 seconds and then your attention is turned back to your partner or whatever you were engaged in. Looking for 5 seconds or more begins to appear as "lust" to your partner.

intorduce him to Jesus Christ, and watch the Lord work in his life!!!!!!

And then there are the oglers who are really good at hiding the fact that they are ogling. Or think they are! And deny and deny and deny! What about those!

Blatantly checking out, commenting on, repeated admiring of, flirting and touching of colleagues..are all apparent on The Today Show.

It is disrespectful to the spouses of these TV personalities and it undermines the values held by many.

It also crosses the line regarding what is appropriate in the workplace.

The Today Show is a workplace setting viewed by kids. The messages sent are that anything goes with another's spouse and that it's OK for older married men to make lascivious comments about (and to) young girls.

Going by the standard of behavior promoted by The Today Show, impressionable young girls (and boys) would think that they simply have to endure such treatment when they encounter it in their own lives.

From The Today Show, young girls would also get the idea that the sexually provocative dress and behavior seen in the Paris Hilton commercial is sanctioned by this program, which is promoted as family fare.

Perhaps this is why Laura Ingraham's book is on the NY Times best seller list.

Beat him with a stick!

It seems that this lady has a real problem with her husband. He would benefit from psycho-therapy and she would benefit from his going. Maybe he doesn't take his commitment to her seriously enough because if she is upset by his behavior and he knows it, he should stop doing what is ruining their relationship!

How would he like it if she did the same thing? Usually guys can't take thier own medicine.

Jeez---some of you people need to get a life! nothing is more pleasant than looking at an attractive member of the opposite sex (or the same sex if you're so inclined) It's one of lifes harmless pleasures. Hey John; where in the new testament did Jesus say "thou shall not look at, stare at or oogle an attractive woman"? God gave us vision, women and created some more beautiful than others so that we may all appreciate his work!

yes my friend you are rite in the sense that looking and recognition is not in itself a sin, its the oogling as you put it that crosses the line. and if you check, JEsus said " for any one to even look at a woman with lust, you have commited adultry already with her in your heart"

PS that same gender issue is also discussed in the new testement and is an abomination in God's eyes. still worse even that is. dont get made at me, i didnt say it, God did!

My ex-husband did the same thing PLUS! After we were married he got really bad about LOOKING. So bad that he would deliberately look down women's tops. When I told him how much it bothered me - he denied it BUT I SAW HIM DO IT! He left me for another after 1 1/2 years of marriage. We had dated for 6 yrs before we got married. He was very romantic and caring before we were married - after he did not care how much he hurt me.

I don't agree with the opinion of Mel on the Today Show at all. Just because they have a "family atmospheir" on the show. It should be light and enjoyable to watch and it is. I like the fun they poke at each other. I also love the Laura Ingraham's book and am a Christian but life is short and anything can happed at any time and we need to all laugh a little more and not be so heavy and the time.

MEL!!! Get a life!!! I watch the Today show almost every day, I'm a Christain, AND I'm not DEAD!!!
I have never observed anything thjat was offensive by any of the lead players there OR their contributors. Although I didn't like that gay fashion guy they used to have on...He was way to "OUT" about his sexual preference to be on that show and I'm actually happy not to have to wait for whatever segment he was involved in to be over..Usually I just went and fed the dog or got some coffee...

My ex-husband did this, and I did not fall into the trap of thinking it was my fault. I was only 25 and doing fine, thank you. He just doesn't care about other peoples' feelings. I don't care if you weigh two tons, a nice guy will be nice no matter what. He may decide to leave you, but a good man won't act that way and expect his wife to stay. I sure didn't.

Good site! Good resources here, All the best!

My ex-boyfriend would check out other women when we were out and about. He's a physical therapist and would say he was just doing his job. He was supposed to notice people. He told me I was being insecure and jealous. He would actually stare a women up and down a few times and wait for her to make eye contact and then smile at her. Very annoying and rude.

Mel's comment makes some good points. Regardless of religion, the standards are slipping.

what is it with christians and misspelling?

I'm not going to be ignorant and pretend that I've never checked out another girl, but there is definitely a line which should not be crossed. I love my wife, and even if she looked like a supermodel, chances are good that men (and women) would still check out others. So her choosing to be provocative and keeping herself up would hardly dissuade the problems... Keeping herself up (and myself for that matter) will help with other issues and is a very good thing to do, but not with the wandering eye.

Try my favorite site Couponalbum.com for shopping.......Here so many offers are related to the home & garden...!!

Never get married!

I've always enjoyed looking at women and at least I'm not looking at other men! When God made a woman, to me he created "the most beautiful creature on earth", and thank God you are all different. I'm 49 now and have been happily married since I was 18 to the same woman. To me it's like someone who is a fan of a favorite sport. I don't mean to hurt my wifes feelings, but I won't deny it probably does. I really don't think women understand it's not the same for all of us. I'm faithful to her; I come home to her; during the day in my mind I'm thinking sexually of her; and I make love to her and no one else. Does this really make me a SINNER? Does this really make me a bad man or person? If this is all that I do and I'm condemned, then I would hate to know what it would be if I really did something bad. This is more proof to me that men can do no right in women's eyes. I couldn't possibly be angry at my wife for looking at other men or women, as there are many beautiful people in this world. (lf1957@excite.com)

gimme a break.
my lady is always talking trash about the fact that i gawk. the problem is... i don't even realize i'm doing it most of the time. if i could change myself, i would. but alas.. i am a man. so spare me all the crap about hurting feelings and all that jazz. the truth is... i stay home, i don't party, i don't cheat, i love MY lady... but i also like looking at all the precious eye candy out there in the world... you only live once... might as well get an eyefull!!!!

PS...
remember guys....
keep this in mind:
NO MATTER HOW GOOD SHE LOOKS......
SOMEBODY.....
SOMEWHERE......
IS TIRED OF HER CRAP!!!!

I am living with someone who moved in after we dated for 2 months. He stares at other women and it's making me sick. It's absolutely the most humiliating and disgusting thing. He DENIES HE IS STARING AT THEM like I don't see it - it's so obvious -and I told him I would rather he tell me the truth that he checks out women rather than lying about it. It happens all the time! While we are walking down the street holding hands - while he's driving and I'm in the passenger seat and someone walks across the street - eating in a resturant and he keeps looking up at her across the room or as someone walks by the table - while we are in a movie theater and we are talking, his eyes will keep returning to the same woman seated near us - you name it. He even says things like "OH MY GOD!!!" I try to let it go - like some of you men say it's just human nature. That is a bunch of crap! I can understand someone who just looks now and then - but what my boyfriend is doing is DISGUSTING. It's rude and it's low class. UGH.

WHEN A GUY CHECKS OUT OTHER WOMEN IN FRONT OF HIS MATE ALL THE TIME REGARDLESS OF THE DAMAGE IT DOES TO HER SPIRIT AND SOUL HES ONLY IN LOVE WITH HIMSELF AND DISREGARDS AND DISRESPECTS THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE HE SHOULDNT EVEN ENTER INTO IT HE IS A MORON

I agree with chanco!

Well. . .it seems to me that most of the men in these postings acknowledge that looking is, well, not good, but swear it is not lust driven.

Here's a view none one has ever considered. I'm a beautiful woman.

I have felt the weight of a man's stare--whether alone, or in the presence of his spouse, or when he is in a group (of his fellow man)no matter.
I do not dress provacatively, I do not flirt. I am not gay, uptight, snobby, or whatever adverb is mentioned--yet, I still get the looks.
Well, from my years of experience:
1.Men-married or not-WILL STILL look
2.A "glance" does NOT go BELOW the neck
3.To oogle below her neck is "LUST"
4.YOUNG GIRLS BUTTS ARE OFF LIMITS!
5.And anyone to claim that God approves
of such behavior needs to move to IRAQ
6.No wonder they HATE us!We're perverts!
7.And yes, because of the "Innocent Lust" some men want to hide behind, we have the highest Date Rape, Teen Pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, Fatherless Children,Divorce Rate, Welfare statistics in the world!

Thanks!

I think there's a line too...there's looking, and then there's LOOKING *punctuate that with a drool mark* I've been both the looker and the lookee, and I've also been the woman being checked out and the woman wanting to hit the guy with my purse for checking someone out (I've had to deal with some REAL rude bf's in my life). It's pretty normal, and I think if it's not excessive or obnoxious, it's okay. It can actually be a nice compliment to know someone is looking at you and that you notice other people--it's life-affirming. The trick is being accepting when your mate or partner is doing the looking/being looked at. After all, isn't it exciting to know that the person standing next to you is attracting attention because they are attractive and by golly they're going home with YOU! Feel good about it. If it's getting a person THAT upset, it might be good to talk to a professional about why.

And plus looking is one thing...what you do beyond that is what REALLY counts.

My Husband worked a night shift job for 3M in a warehouse in DeKalb, IL. Of course that meant that he worked with a lot of college girls wearing little shorts and shirts 'because it's so hot in the warehouse' (boo-hoo). (3M wives, take this as a clue as to what goes on there!!! - 3M girls have reputations!) After a year of him getting his rocks off at work every night he was stupid enough to brag to a buddy all about it big mistake) and his so-called buddy told me. I gave him a choice. New job or me. He chose me. The thing is, I don't trust him at all anymore and constantly catch myself watching him everywhere we go to see if he's checking out the girls who are young enough to be his daughter. I don't see our 13 year marriage lasting much longer. May sound silly, but he may as well have actually slept with one of them. I feel betrayed and resent that I was sleeping alone every night while he was at work oogling giggly little girls in teeny little clothes. I blame him AND the little sleezes for leading the men on.

Ok listen up ladies...Guys are NOT trying to hurt your feelings most of the time. Most of the time "IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU" no offense but most guys are just not that deep. Even if I have a corvete at home I'm still going to look at that rad dropped civic at the light. Do I want to trade? No! But that civic sure looks good. Niiiccee, clean lines, nice paint probably pretty fast but guess what my ride will still smoke that! Trust yourself we are with you for a reason, but when you constantly give us problems, ya we start to think about a trade. Not to say your cars but men just aren't that hard to figure once you stop taking it personal.

When you out together and he makes it known to you that he is looking at women. Even going to the point of ask you what do you think. Its time to have the talk. If he still persists. Then he not respecting you. And you have to respect your self. They are many great guys that will respect you.

I agree with him she may be good looking. I had fun and pulled up and drove alongside her for awhile while he was in the passenger seat, luckly he has a good sense of humor, we "three" had a good laugh.

i agree wiht the woman who stated that God DOES NOT approve of this regardless of what is said of Him. unfortunatly, most of the world will and does put God in a box. much like those who believe God approves in "some" way of all this. when in fact He does not. that is lust, i mean. not a simple glance, but the repeated looking or prolonged look. that is lust no matter how you spell it. admiring beauty is fine, but as one said, you have to think of the one being looked at as well. i am guilty as the next guy, but think of the poor gal who fears, yes fears that approach by some. with the world full of what it is today, the simplest thing can strike fear into someones heart. women being most vulnerable in this. seriously, if you guys want to keep slamming the Lord's name around, maybe you should actually open His word (the bible) and truly see what He does say about this. i tell you this, it is totally contrary to this whole thing. any Matthew or Romans is a good place to start if you want the truth!!

Is the eye bone connected to the hand bone? some of us practice look but don't touch. all of us need to be forgivin for something.

forgiven? absolutly! that is why Christ came. i know i am lost with out His forgiveness. in fact, we all are!!

There is a line between ogling and denying that you do it and can't take your eyes off someone. If your guy doesn't have enough respect for your feelings after you talk to him about it then maybe you are the one with the problem for staying with such an idiot. I used to date a guy who was addicted to porn and he stared at every woman in sight and denied it, also denied the porn, some guys just really have a problem and need to get counciling for it, look at Halle Berry's last husband.

Love & relationships are work. Just like an athlete needs to train to a state of muscle memory, so to the heart needs training. For me there are two important rules.

The first is biblical in a sense; Never let the sun set on your anger. I never hang up the phone, or close my eyes at goodnight time if I am feeling animosity. Sometimes I realize I was being an insensitive jerk & sometimes I remind myself of all the wonderful things she does for me & makes me feel. I think of life without her & almost always those things that are blowouts in my little head morph into insignificant & trivial or petty tribulations. Often I'll reflect back on them later & smile at how silly she or I was being.

My second exercise is the important one. It's also an easy one because I have a woman that is strong & wonderful in so many aspects. What do I do? Well, I remind myself every morning, & usually every night, just how wonderful she is, everything I love & would miss, all the joy she gives why I love & chose her to be my gal

LADIES, LET ME GIVE YOU ANOTHER SLANT TO THIS BULL CRAP.

"YOU" strip for MEN; "YOU" wear scant clothing to be seen by MEN; "YOU" wear makeup with glossy lips and all to improve "YOUR" looks for MEN; "YOU" get bigger breast implanted for MEN to look at; "YOU" pose in the nude magazines; "YOU" participate in making XXX movies for MEN to buy; "YOU" are all about playing games with MEN'S heads; "YOU" have tempted MEN from the very beginning of "YOUR" creation; so SHUT UP and get a life because deep down "YOU" must really enjoy it or "YOU" wouldn't be doing it all. If "YOU" don't want to be googled at, then stop shaving "YOUR" legs, wear baggy clothes, keep the breast you were born with and wear a bunch of sheets to cover up "YOUR" bodies. "YOU" were put here on earth as a companion and to create life; so deal with it.

I appreciate beauty, but I know that true beauty is a balance between sex appeal, personality, education & their heart intent. I used to look at every woman, even ogle some & rate them sexually in my head. I like to believe most guys grow out of this behavior as they age, I did. I know it would sadden me if my gal stared & commented at how hot another guy was & so that's one reason I don't do it. I also find intellect sexy now. If a sexy woman opens her mouth & nothing intelligent comes out or she's snotty, her attractiveness seriously declines in my eyes. One of the sexiest things about my gal is she is strong & independent. She doesn't need me or any man for that matter. She can do anything, work, hold down the home, care for kids, take classes, do homework (hers & the kiddies) & cook dinner all on the same day & still have time for romance & to do special things for me. She's always up before me & usually the last to go to sleep & rarely complains. I have no need to look elsewhere for anything, she inspires me

The world is so filled with all these rules and regulations on who should do this and who shouldn't do that, I think the whole thing is a big joke. Men are week and that's that, so they should be by themselves and stop hurting precious woman who care for them. Live alone and look all you want to!!!!!

What a SWEET man Georgie Boy is. Your wife is a very lucky lady.

LESLIE, from the name, I can't tell if you're a bitter woman or a clueless guy. Anyone ever tell you that you shouldn't generalize? If it's just woman, then why do you get so much spam for "Miracle Penis Enlargement" & the "Killer Six Pack Abs"? Everyone wants to be attractive, to have sex appeal. As for breast implants & surgery, I think you're way off the mark. Most women do surgery or the sexy clothing because they lack self-esteem. However, some do it because it makes them feel sexy or even because they're comfortable dressed in halter tops & a mini-skirt. Either way, that has nothing to do with some pig checking out another woman when he's with his gal. That is just plain rude & disrespectful. Maybe you saw daddy drooling over the cleaning lady or mommy's sister one too many times, so you think that's how a man should behave. However, you are a weak person if someone's attire can alter your behavior. Morals & discretion are the point, not surgery or low-cut jeans. Sweats or mini-skirt my woman is a woman.

Georgie Boy: my comments are only a slanted opinion about how some men feel or they way they think and not my own true personal feelings. Besides, isn't that what this board is all about is "opinions". I'm certainly not down on women by any means; but there are facts to support what I say. And talk about generalizing; what do you think this subject and previous statements are doing. You are either for or against any ones opinions; that's what makes the world go around and that's what makes us a democratic society. AMEN

Wow, quite the diverse range of opinions here...might as well express mine: First of all, I'm 39, married (15yrs). My wife is beautiful, but she's not the only beautiful woman out there. Its not as if once you find your mate, all of the other beautiful women become butt ugly. I don't care about age, size, race, whatever, there are so many women that have either beautiful (perhaps sexy) features or are just nice to look at from head to toe. I know that someone will crucify me because I said the word "sexy", but a woman being sexy doesn't mean that I want her in bed. Its simply an appeal that some women have, and its impossible to describe using adjectives expressing looks or outward appearances. Women are beautiful, its just that simple, and I enjoy admiring them. Those of you male bashers who ooze hatred....as in "Men are week" (sic) are most likely alone because of your hatred. Instead of trying to understand men, you choose to write us off. Believe me, there's plenty about women that we just can't understand

Wait a second here folks. Don't ya see the parodox here? In order to ensure procreation, the Lord created beauty and the beast; vourerism & exhibiter. Its part of the human condition. Shouldn't women be appalled and hurt by the provacative dress and tease by other women. But Wait, let's reflec on their own dress style when they were on the hunt to attract that special male. As long as the male remains faithfull, and you have chosen each other, so what if both the male and female are on diets. We can't look at the at the menu? Its fun and it should be satisfying to know that he's my man and she's my woman and we're sutured at the seems and that's the way the Lord made us. Beauty makes life worthwhile. Why can't we enjoy it without all this hurt nonsense. Its just fun and should enhance whom we have chosen.

I married a 49 batchlor as a second marriage after 23 yrs.of being single. Oh what a shock!! Even the servers at restaurants have had been evenings than
I have experienced in this marriage.
Mr. firt, just doesn't get it!! I'm a professional and very attractive woman in this community and would be considered a catch. I came to this marriage with NO financial problems a wonderful home/friends, a retirement, plus $$$$ in the bank. This has been devastating exerience!! After therapy and a years worth of anti-depesent drugs. I now see the light!!My International Travel without that husband has opened my world. An if he persues the woman infront of me, what must it be working his International job??? Yup I know, I'll move on!!!

I think that one of the things that doesn't help women today is that fact that everywhere you look things are sexually driven; even the daily soaps and the nightly shows, and certainly all the magazines you pick up. I think our society has a huge impact over even something as simple as men looking at women. Being sexy and looking good are very important to men and women these days and it certainly sells even in the job market. It's sad, but it's true.

Thanks Carol, I owe a lot of who I am to many women. First, my mother whe taught to respect women & myself. She taught me to value people for who they are & what they bring into your life, not what they look like.
I also owe a lot of it to my ex-wife. Sounds funny, I know. But she was very materialistic & phony at times. She didn't appreciate anything if it didn't have a tag like Rolex, Mercedes, Coach, etc... She left me & our daughter on Christmas eve 4 years ago & while she wasn't the same person I had fallen in love with, it was hard & it hurt. The experience taught me to look at a person’s heart & to really & truly know them. It taught me to appreciate the little things & to value strength. I now understand the difference between a woman needing a man & choosing a man because of whom he is, really wanting him.
Now I have a "Real" woman that respects herself & me. Because of the past women in my life I appreciate all she brings to my life. I’ve found a woman that inspires me to be great, to be a better man.

I TINK THAT IT IS NOTHING WRONG TO LOOK AT OTHER PEOPLE TRUST AND LOVE IS WHAT MAKE A RELATIONSHP LAST LONGER

Well my advise is for you to first let him know that it's hurting you and see if he cares enough to stop. If he doesn't stop after you tell him then my advise to you is to start pleasuring yourself with eye candy and ask him; who told you that the Sun only shines when I look at you?

My Gawd - is that ok to say?
This is a crazy bulletin. And, interesting at that. My take on this is, we all have choices - you can either choose to live with it or go. It boils down to self esteem of women. Women are competitive. I am not into women, but I do check them out. In hence, competition. To be comfortable with yourself and how you look and want to be perceived is a decision and choice by you. Do not blame the person they are oogling at. It is a choice that men make to glance, oogle or comment. Is it your choice to put up with it?

My Gawd - is that ok to say?
This is a crazy bulletin. And, interesting at that. My take on this is, we all have choices - you can either choose to live with it or go. It boils down to self esteem of women. Women are competitive. I am not into women, but I do check them out. In hence, competition. To be comfortable with yourself and how you look and want to be perceived is a decision and choice by you. Do not blame the person they are oogling at. It is a choice that men make to glance, oogle or comment. Is it your choice to put up with it?

I just could never take my ex's declarations of love seriously or trust him with my heart once he started this ogling and commenting stuff. Sorry, but he just couldn't compete with a man who respects and knows how to treat a woman--it sounds harsh but it comes across as gawkish, sad and "loser-ish" in comparison. He wasn't fun to go out with, it was embarrassing. I wish him well, but life is too short to spend with someone who makes you feel bad.
So he had to take a ride on the dump truck of love XP
Seriously, I think it is really a power issue.
It is so devastatingly sexy to be with a man who does *not* have those aggravating power issues and who takes joy in letting me feel happy to be with him. It is fun to be in his arms. He was a surprise, too, I thought I wanted to be alone more, but he is sweet & low-key, nice to be with.
There is a big wide world out there. Some ppl are fun to be with and some are ...not.
Nice is the new hot, IMO. YAY for nice guys! :D

P.S. Georgie Boy, you rock
Your mother did a great job with you, and you richly deserve the happiness you have found with your lady :)

split up today over bfs roving eye and comments on other girls.funny thing is he said its over cos i keep nippin his head about it....i so wanted to get in there first.isnt life unkind!!!!

oh and could anyone tell me how often it is acceptable for your partner to speak to there ex,when there kids are adults

I loved the Beautiful Lady Comment, she is not only beautiful but very intelligent. She is absolutely right about everything she said. I have been on both sides. I have been in a relationship with a gawker loser and I have been checked out on numerous occasion, especially when men are with their wifes and girlfriends. It has nothing to do with God, the fact that they are men etc. They are all excuses that men use. It is called SELF CONTROL, they need to get some. And to those women, you are much better off alone or with a decent guy, there are many out there and they don't gawk under any circumstances.

I think that this behavior is very hurting,
disrespectful and I show a real problem, that men are never satified. I love my man ,but I am not feeling his love when he is looking at every woman, even looking over me to see her. I have a real problem at him looking at girls young enough to be his grand daughter. This I think is also a pre pron person, but ofcourse he is in denial.

I think that this behavior is very hurting,
disrespectful and I show a real problem, that men are never satified. I love my man ,but I am not feeling his love when he is looking at every woman, even looking over me to see her. I have a real problem at him looking at girls young enough to be his grand daughter. This I think is also a pre pron person, but ofcourse he is in denial.

It,s really a problem. Looks are ok but staring in the present of your lover is not cool.Todays men need to be more respecful.

I have been with my husband 23yrs and married 17yrs. He has always had a wondering eye. I have always told myself that it was ok, because I and secure with myself and in my relationship with him. He would never cross the line. There is no harm in looking. I look too! The difference between the way I look and the way my husband looks is that he is ovvious I'am not. The problem come to light when we were out with few of our friends. He made several comment about the women around us. He said what he was THINKING. I over heard my friends say what an jurk he was, how can she put up with that. I was so embarrassed, humiliated, and felt he disrespected me in front of our long time friends and his family. There is a time and a place for that boys and it's not when your with your lady!! Later I told him how I felt, that those kinds of looks and comment should be kept to himself or save them for when he was out with the guys. We haven't been out sence that night. So I don't know what to expect from him next time.

It's all about male ego, you can actually see their pecs enlarging when they spot someone who makes them feel good when they look at them, like "I'm so wonderful-I know she wants me!" I don't mind the looking but I hate it when it changes their behavior ie. they are so preoccupied with what they just saw that they forget you're even there. I've watched my husband get so nervous when he's around a beautiful woman that's he's actually forgotten his own name. Get a reality check men--nobody is what they appear to be.

What is wrong with everyone. There is no way around it. Everyone looks. Till we all get to heaven, there is no peace.

AMEN Rose!

It's one thing to look and another to drool. I think the doctor's ideas are right on. It's a matter of respect for the mate's feelings. If you can make it a lighthearted issue, an "I adore you but Brad Pitt is Brad Pitt," kind of thing, it can make the couple closer and increase the level of intimacy in the pair. If it is a poorly-hidden secret, it is a communication that one of the spouses is having trouble with the level of closeness. If it bothers one of the spouses, it needs to be talked about calmly but clearly.

Do you think married men in the 50's behave the way married men do today? Probably not as many and if they are, they are probably way to drunk. I don't think all guys all the same and I don't think all guys stare, they are nice guys, I think there are still nice guys out there, many just fewer of them or harder to find.

Do you think married men in the 50's behave the way married men do today? Probably not as many and if they are behaving so, they are probably too drunk. I don't think all guys all the same and I don't think all guys stare, they are nice guys, I think there are still nice guys out there, maybe just fewer of them or harder to find?

people-when your other half is "checking out" someone or being "checked out" by someone why don't you try a new approach to it. Reach over, give them a nice kiss and smile. You are doing two things-they now know you see them and you know you have the attention. If you aren't happy in your relationship whether you are married or not, if you can't both give 100% than maybe you are in a losing battle.

My girl friend does it , she will stay at another guy while I'm speaking with her! I've told her about it she gives some lame excuse"I thought I knew him" Ect. this has happened hundreds of times she just doesn't get it!

I have been a "mistress" many times. I don't think there is a man alive that doesn't "sample" other "partners" during their whole entire life. Accept it or pretend it isn't happening.

hey Linda, i feel bad for you. perhaps are you familiar with john 8:1-11. and i must say that there actually are men alive who will respect you as a person and woman, and not want a sample. unfortunetly this is what the world has come to, and i know and Christ has promised, it will get worse. you can trust that. God love you!

This is interesting. Thanks to all who participate. Here is another perspective. I have been married over 10 years (with kids). I am relatively handsome I get looks and attention by females. In my experience, females are much more discrete about their 'oggling'. They will not generally do it around their significant other or if they see that I am with my wife. They certainly will talk about how handsome a man is when their men arent around (again - just genralizing from my experience). My wife is comfortable around me because she knows me and trusts me as I do her. Personally, I will look and smile at a beautiful woman, it just makes me happy - its that simple. It is not meant as any disrespect to my partner or the one I am looking at - men are simple creatures (and also more visual). If looking does mean something more (like trying to make your partner jealous or hint at infidelity, etc), then its time to have a talk with your partner and get to the root cause of the issue. Keep it real ; )

ran out of room - I wanted to say that the comment by 'whatever' above is a very good idea. It conveys love, acknowledgement, and confidence without condemnation/confrontation. Thanks for the thought.

Keep it real ;)

Dr. Gail,
It was good that Oprah had you on her program yesterday to warn the "open marriage" couple of the many problems that befall a family when couples try to convince themselves that this arrangement is fine.

It would have been good if Oprah had asked you to address the comment made by Pepper Schwartz, who said that if a man doesn't want to wear a condom, one can always participate in oral sex.

It was irresponsible of Oprah to let that comment go unchallenged, knowing that STDs can be transmitted through oral sex. Oprah also has to know that oral sex has been increasing among teenagers, who are also putting themselves at risk.

As you know, kids push against boundaries that adults set for their physical and emotional safety. When adults remove those boundaries, that safety is jeopardized. Seeing adults on Oprah's stage espousing "friends with benefits" was disturbing. It's yet another risky teen behavior which now appears to have been given the Oprah seal of approval.

Oprah was irresponsible.

I agree this issue is very interesting. I am a married young woman with kids. We haven't been married that long but have been together almost six years. We kind of grew up together so there really weren't any secrets when we hooked up. We both knew that we were flirtatious people he did his thing I did mine. I like to look he likes to look maybe more than me but it goes both ways. Honestly I can say it never really bothers me to much, I mean we are both beautiful people admiring what life has to offer. I love my husband and know that we are humans and sometimes you just can't help it. But our love is strong and we built a nice home. We tell each other everything so I know that even though he looks he won't stray from home.

I have a b/f who stares and will even let go of my hand if he sees a beautiful girl. This doesn't bother be because he is just looking, but if I look he will yell at me, and call me names. When i am looked at by another male he will go crazy and tell him too stop looking at me.
I am a very attractive woman, and when another woman looks at him, I take it as a compliment, when a man looks at me I take that the same way.
He has trust issued with me, but looking is just looking, as long as you don't touch looking is okay, and it's a natural human nature.

Lil' Ms,Chatman,
I love your comment.

Jenny-- If he yells at you and calls you names when men check you out, he sounds like he has serious issues. Has he ever been to a counselor?

I am a lady who is in her 40's but looks younger, ex model,sweet and loyal...When ever I go out with my husband, he will look directly in a ladies eyes and smile...The ladies then look at me , as if they are saying, what is going on? I have told my husband that, they think of it as a come on....he doesn't get it, and I really do not like to go out anymore, because he acts like he is ready to go out and meet people to date....he likes the flirtatious behavior, and I have told him before that it has nothing to do with my ego, it is very painful and unpleasant, and I wish he would be aware of how it makes me feel, Also, I have suggested if I were to behave like this in public, that he would not like it at all, and he would talk with me about it....Am I left to play games with him?

Any comments...I am not a game player, is that what will get his attention?

I am amazed that the problem that I am currently having with my husband is being discussed in such great detail with so many different opinions. My husband is the most honorable, respectable, kind and has more integrity of anyone I have ever known. He is truely an admirable person...until you see his dark side. He ogles all women and even 12 year old girls. He makes every woman think that he is extremely attracted to them. He has ruined every single occasion, every single vacation. He is an embarrassing rude man. We have been married for 8 long years. It does not get any better, it just wastes more time. I have always been an attractive and fit woman in business and dress very professionally with an edge of sexiness. I have always detested pigs who won't take their eyes off of my chest. Women make fun of them. Every one thinks they are disgusting. It is extremely uncomfortable to be cold and have a man not be able to see your face, only nipples that accidentally show. I don't have orgasms anymore.

The bottom line is this I believe.. if you are in a relationship with someone and you have a problem with something they do, sure discuss it, if it persists maybe you should re-evaluate the relationship. Some people are just that way, its what makes us all different. Life is short don't waste your time on trivial matters of the heart...LOVE AND RESPECT each other or go your seperate ways. If you have children together-don't say you can't split a family up-do you want your children to grow up with the same animosity? You can only talk with your partner for so long before you have to realize that its not worth it!
Reallady-don't play games who is it really hurting?
Sharon- having your breasts adored is how you should look at it- some men are pigs but ya no what...don't tell me that you have never been caught doing the same thing to an attractive guy with a nice package. There has to be some point in your life that you did it. Somegrow up and some don't. Not trying to insult you-I do understand

Georgie boy and John I loved you comments. I feel as though looking isn't harmful at times. I'm a nice looking women that gets checked out alot by other men. Sometimes couples need that re-assurance that others are looking and that you haven't lost your youthfulness, if you will! That's not to say that you don't love and enjoy who you're with. That's just a natural high a person gets by knowing that they are still admirable. Ofcourse, if you're staring to the point of no return and your mate is offended, then yes that is a problem. Other than that lets open our eyes to enjoy the beauty of the world. God didn't intend for us to be blind and unhappy. ps. thank God for our past , let it encourage our future.

I encourage my man to look at other women! To him it's a turn-on that I'm comfortable enough with myself to point out beautiful women to him. I don't care if he flirts - it's part of his personality. I know that he's going to be crawling in bed with me at night!

Jen not to point out anyone's faults, but you did say that, when you do the same thing he yells and calls you names. Is that part of his personality also? To me it seems as if he's controlling and just like to have his cake and eat it too.

God has nothing to do with this conversation.. Just like facts have nothing to do with religion. So lets leave which ever deity you worship out of this.. please!

It is okay to look. It is NOT okay to discuss it repeatedly, or to ogle another woman in front of your wife/girlfriend. Ever. Have some respect.

I have something else to say-I just split with my b/f of eleven years because he "met another woman". He has been sending out the wrong signals, and I have known it ever since he started drooling over his best friend's g/f (who is extremely beautiful), and pretty much everything else his friend has that he does not. I should have known that it was a sign that nothing he has will ever be good enough for him.

You women are sad. If you can't handle that men are attracted to other women, maybe YOU are the insecure ones. I LOOK at every attractive female I see. And 99% my fiancee has no problem with it. Those girls don't get the diamonds, I don't make dinner for them, etc. If you would seriously end a relationship because of wandering eye syndrome you should think about your self worth while sweating off that 35lbs that keeps you down.

My b/f isn't controlling he is just a jealous freak, he calls me a wonderer and says "if you think that he is so hot why don't you go fo him. I just laugh too myself. I can handle his gawking at other women. The only time it bothered me was when he said "I'd like too sleep with that, at that time i left him, and he begged for forgiveness. I took him back, and he hasn't said it since. Looking isn'y harmful, beauty is in the world, you have drive yourself crazy trying to change it or simply adapt. Looking is fun and okay, as long as that it as far as ot goes.
Kevin you obviously haven't read every opinion, because it doesn't bother all of us. You're sad because you are proabably shallow and insecurea nd you wanna sleep with everything you see. So just be quiet!!!!

Yeah Kevin!

this is a sad subject. But it does hurt people, and i agree with c.c., georgie boy , and meghan. if you can't trust your significant other then get out while you can

this is a sad subject. But it does hurt people, and i agree with c.c., georgie boy , and meghan. if you can't trust your significant other then get out while you can

i'm a jeolous wife. he's into friendster. i wanna a divorce

I am divorced. I was married for twenty five years. My husband would do the oogling and even go so far as to corner a gal at a party. He finally stepped over the line and committed adultery. I now have been dating a man that has eye contact and oogles a lot of times. Once as he was helping me move, my new neighbor cam eout of her apartment. He stood still and followed her every move with his eyes till she was out of sight. He even went so far as to sit outside in the heat and wait for her to come back so he could look at her or talk with her again. He did this off and on all day. I told him if he was interested to go ahead and ask her out. I said I would get her apartment # for him. He said "It's 925". That's when I became even more hurt and told him that the word is called respect. He stopped the staring and oogling for a while. But now he is slowly starting it again. What is wrong with these guys? I know it is hard for me to trust men but guys like him validate why. Stop it - it hurts and destro

well Mark my friend, i am sorry you feel that way, but one day, you will find that not just this conversation, but every instance of your life and everyone elses will be and open book. God, has everything to do, with everything, and if you think otherwise, i will pray for you as well. i am not being self righteous in any way. i too am a sinner just like every one else, i am just stating facts. blessings to you!

Wow, that's a lot of comments. I am a guy, so I would take issue with the idea that guys have a Evil Stain on them that makes them Lustful. But I am a husband and I learned from the time I was dating that while there are a lot of attractive women out there, the time to "notice" it is not in the middle of a date. If you think of a marriage as a permanent date (romantically) then you would agree that ogling is rude, crass and classless.

Georgie Boy should join the 21st Century. it sounds like he is saying as long as his women does all the housework, all the child care, does a job, AND makes love to him every night, she doesn't have to worry about him ogling. Is that what you meant?

Chuck's description is a good one..."rude, crass and classless." I am never surprised by a stinky man with his big gut and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, tatoos, long hair and unshaven to ogle me. Or even a man with slicked back hair and a silk shirt unbuttoned to show his big hairy chest and all of his gold chains, but when a man I am with does not have any class I am always surprised and disappointed. I wonder how they all can't figure out that women have incredible orgasms and sex when we know WE turn them on. Ogling tells me that he thinks he already has me, every other woman turns him on. That is a big turn off.

geez! i seriously wonder just how much MORE can be said on this topic!!! this is getting real old

Got married. She stopped dressing nice...found some ugly old sweat clothes. Complained. Kitchen was closed. Went to church. So many beauties. Thank you Jesus. Dog's gotta bury the bone. End of story.

you know what? Men are men...women are women...men look at women!...women get upset whether they are out with their man or being "ghawked at" walking by us. I am a married man who will look at a woman and smile and say hello or how are you, my wife will ask if i know her...what does it matter? can't men be nice to women without getting the third degree or think we want to sleep with them? I will say hello or good day to a man with no reaction from my wife, i don't get it?

my last guy would stop and literally stare. at times, i had to yell at him to stop staring. he was always checking others out. annoying. when i started doing the same, it was hilarious to see his reaction! guys are so stupid

well brett, i would love to be with you when you face Jesus and HE asks you why you would thank Him for using His body the church for your foul playground. and you WILL face Him. think about that!!!!!

It seems as if Brett don't hide bones very well, Because he's online airing his stinky laundry Brett, hope your wife isn' t reading. End of story for you.

Really it's the mindset. Looking is fine. Lusting after is not. Both my fiance and I admire other atrative people openly and verbily to one another. But we are both loyal and love one another. I think really it comes to be comfortable with yourself and your sexuality.

Interesting topic. I had a boyfriend of 2 years. I was living with him for 1 year. During that year (after I moved in with him) he would always stare and even comment to me about all the beatiful, sexy, women who he talked to, who he had met, who he flirted with... and so on, after awhile it got old. I got tired of hearing about it. I decided that I deserved better. I felt disrespected. I moved out. Let someother woman deal with him. I think it is the man who has the low self estemm issues when they are in their late 40's but act like 16 year old boys.

Met a man who had a wondering eye. He told me it was because of his problems with his wife. He told me he had an affair once because of his problems with his wife. He told me he went to massage pallors because of his problems with his wife. He got a divorce. We later married. He still had a wondering eye. Looked at women, seemingly strategically placed himself in most setting to see the women come and go, looked down women's blouses, looked up women's skirts (because "if they're showing, he's looking"), cautioned me on how I exited the car cause men are looking, how I sat cause men are looking, wanted all female physicians cause male doctors want one thing. The scenerios go on and on. I told him how hurtful it all was. His looking & his accusations. Finally went to therapy. So much more came out than what I knew. He is a sex addict. He will never be "happy". We didn't want the same things. I guess because he has a problem with his wife. Correction, HAD a problem with his now ex-wife!

My philosophy is "look but don't touch" It's human nature to look. I am a female and I will look at a guy just as my guy looks at another woman. We make jokes about. If I notice him looking I just randomly pick a guy to look and comment at and we joke about it. Why take looking so seriously? I have to say that with the way some "girls" dress its no wonder they stare...hell I even stare. Granted my thought process is a bit different than guys..although maybe not! lol At one point in our life us women are/were the "eye candy" for some bloke just as our guy is/was eye candy for for some woman. As long as it doesn't go past looking what does it hurt? Nothing! Now if it goes past the lookin stage and they start chatting it up with them then you have issues buts that a whole nother story. Girls you need to take a chill pill when it goes to your guy looking at the women; they can't help it most of the time, and guys don't get mad at us for looking when you do the same.

I have always been told by my DH not to worry about how my body looks, that I look good and he loves me no matter what. But as soon as the conversation is over, I see him staring at a girl whom is passing by or at a music video that has to do with girls and tight or short clothing...so what gives, am I good to go or dose he just want me to shut up about it?

Looking is not hurtful, it is when the eye contact is right in front of you and the two are flirting with each other right in front of you. I say do it on your own time, and go away and do not come back. I want to make eye contact with someone also and flirt too, but I have enough class not to be rude to the person with me. I have enough class if I am not satisfied in the current relationship/friendship to move on to the next, why risk hurting a persons feelings. Have some class and be single when you flirt, be alone and flirt. Have some class and make the person your with feel like they are your sunshine, you know you could be the most important person to them and you don't even know it. You could mean the world to them and you could break their heart, why not flirt with your friend with you. And wait till your alone if your so insecure that you have to get a flirt in and your not satisfied being the apple of your friends eye. Leave and keep on flirting on your own time. It is not about being insecure,have class

As a reply to Dan on sept. 20 @4:06 P.M.
Jesus did say that if a man looks at a woman lustfully he is commiting adultry with her in his heart.

my husband looks . It hurts.

Has everyone forgotten that men and women are just civilized and intelligent mammals. Males are genetically programmed to "service" a herd of females. As politica