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It's all right to cry?
There certainly has been quite a bit of commentary on whether or not it was appropriate for Ellen DeGeneres to cry on her television show about her adopted dog going back to the agency. What many people don't realize is that a person's judgment about whether or not it was "OK" for someone to cry, often has more to do with the observer's personal psyche that that of the crier.
This is why the community tends to disagree on their reaction. Crying is universally seen as a sign of great distress, sadness and vulnerability. It could, however, mean other things, depending on one's experience with crying. If you never saw your mother cry, you may think it signaled dire circumstances, or crazy irrational behavior. If you saw your mother cry all the time, it may mean not much to you to cry, or you may see crying as a form of manipulation, a way of getting what you want.
People often feel that when someone is crying they need to do something to "fix" the problem and when they cannot they then will retreat rather than feel impotent. In fact, most people who are upset and crying aren't looking for you to fix their problem, they just want to be comforted and feel understood.
Saying "you are very upset, or sad" is often just what they need to feel a little better. Stereotypes based on our past experiences tend to color how we view crying. Some feel a man crying is too "feminine" while others appreciate a man's ability to show his real feelings. Women can be seen as honest about their feelings or "too emotional" or even as manipulative.
Before you judge someone who is crying remember that your past experience with criers will greatly alter how you see that person in tears. It is often difficult to be with someone who is so sad or distressed, because you imagine feeling that bad yourself and you want to get away from that feeling as quickly as possible.
Remember that you are a separate person. It isn't your tragedy. Just by listening and being present you can bring great comfort to someone who is struggling.
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You about covered it all. I've never thought about whether or not it was okay for someone to cry in public or not. Crying to me, is a release of an overpowering emotion. Sometimes we can control it, sometimes we can't.
I saw Ellen's video and felt compassionate for her situation. I don't feel as if she did anything wrong.
Just MHO.
I thought Ellen's mother had died the way she was crying. A bit dramatic.
You got it right, now tell my husband!
I do not cry in front of my husband (as much as I can help it), because he wants to find out what is wrong and fix it. Sometimes you are simply overwhelmed or emotional and there is no fixing to be done.
Public crying is another issue. I am not a fan, but I also don't like PDA's or other things that 'cause a scene'.
I dont like to cry in public. Mostly because our society looks down on men who show their emotions too openly. I think that society accepts a certain amount of emotional behavior from women, however. I have learned all my life to accept this double standard. I have cried in front of my wife before, and she didnt seem to get too freaked out by it. But, when my mother saw me crying at my favorite uncles funeral a few years back, I could tell that she was disappointed with me. Now I do all my crying alone where no one else will know, that way I will never disappoint anyone, and I can still be a man.
"Just a man", you are sad, dude!
I don't think it is right for others to make judgements about what makes each of us sad or upset enough to make us cry.
I see nothing wrong with the fact that Ellen Degeneres expressed human emotions
on her show.
For those who feel her tears and emotion were much too exaggerated then perhaps they should be questioning their own feelings, and not Ellen's???!
Crying is a natural expression of the emotions, and what affects one person will not necessarily affect another in the same way or the same intensity. For
God's sake, don't pick on people just because the happen to cry more easily than you do! We have enough bullies in the world as it is already! At least we know people who do cry, CAN cry! I'd rather be around someone who cries than some heartless person who doesn't know how to cry. JMO
I just want to ask a question and have no idea how to get an answer....hopefully this will get to someone for some advise..Im 41 husband 26. 4 kids with us 3 are mine 1 ours together..the oldest,18,tends to think that anything is hers and can take or use,bring friends over,etc without asking permission.after 2yrs of this she lived with grandparents and eventually came back to live with us.know she is still habit of this.my hisband said i don't displine enough...i do..she tell you...he hasn't unpack thins because he is afraid the kids will brek his stuff...happened in the past... go example this morning...she stayed home from school sick. she decided to move a piece of excersise eqip in her room. i noticed right after he noticed this morning.turns to me and said"how come you let her take that?" I had no idea ...I'm tired of you letting her do what she wants,you never back me up. and i do all the time. I'm always on her and the others not to touch his things, stuff.said it is pushing us 2 div becus of kids :(
18 is old enough to leave the nest, It is time for you to start nudging her out unless you want your marriage to fail. You have done your job for 18 years, and it is now time for her to fly. Getting her out wont solve everything, but, having a bad example like her around isnt good for the other kids to see.
18 is old enough to begin your own life, it time as Rita said for her to fly.
But when you have multiple family situtation, I am the add on along with my 3yr old daughter. The problem here is everything belongs to everyone, they never should be told no, they demand and they are supposed to recieve. Reguardless of anyones feelings, or even if the item is asked to be returned,its oh.. I am still using it.
Or even my personal items that are put away, can be given away, tto the members of the family,while someone claims I didnt know. Sharing is what you choose to do, not just because someone else demands you share,
And share only with those who respect the person giving and what is being shared. Your foundation will begin to crack even the best marriages. Talking seems to be the only answer, and maybe an ultimatum??????
Its probably ok, but i think iam one of her youngest viewers. But I'll give my opinion anyway. I didn't see it personally, but i saw it on you-tube. maybe it's not ok to critisise her, but imagine what it would be like it we were the ones experiencing it. What would you do if someone said that to you? Iam 14.Daio I know
Its probably ok, but i think iam one of her youngest viewers. But I'll give my opinion anyway. I didn't see it personally, but i saw it on you-tube. maybe it's not ok to critisise her, but imagine what it would be like it we were the ones experiencing it. What would you do if someone said that to you? Iam 14.Diao I know
ps. the time here is 9.05, not what u see...