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Turning 50
There is probably more variation between people overall in how they handle turning 50, than between men and women specifically. How you feel has much to do with your personality, your previous experience with and handling of loss, and how you feel about where you are in your life.
Turning 50 means your life is more than half over in all likelihood. This resurrects thoughts of mortality, questions of having achieved enough, reevaluating priorities and thoughts of aging, infirmity and loss. Many stressors may also be occurring: loss of or care of parents, children leaving the nest, menopause for women (which also affects men!), already having peaked at work, not realizing a particular dream.
Men may be struggling with all of these feelings and not feel comfortable sharing them. Isolation and loneliness may also become an issue. Very few people in general have a healthy attitude about aging. Our society at large overvalues youth, and many men and women are scrambling to try to look younger and act younger. "50 is the new 30?" Acceptance of and appreciation for later life is certainly a goal, but most men struggle with it.
Men who are more flexible, who have positive images of being an older person, who feel more optimistic, but yet can allow themselves to think about death, loss and what they want their priorities to be going forward are going to be in better shape turning 50. Satisfaction with what they have achieved in terms of career, relationships, finances and of course their health, all impact how a man feels turning 50.
Fatherhood is a hugely important role for many men turning 50. At this juncture it depends on whether he feels he is comfortable with the time and energy he has invested in fatherhood as to whether he sees himself as satisfied or regretting lost time being a father. When children start leaving home, many men suddenly do regret time they spend ambitiously going after career perhaps at the expense of family time. Or financial survival may have required missing child-rearing and now that financial survival has been secured, regrets move in. Losing one's own father increases thoughts of ones own mortality and questions about your own fathering.
Thoughts of mortality are about fears of the unknown, abandonment, loneliness. It raises questions of whether you have lived enough, accomplished enough, left a legacy so people will remember you. Faith is often helpful here.
Men are more aware of appearances than ever before. Looking old makes men feel they are losing power, vitality, sexuality and the power to compete and hold onto loved ones. This has driven an increasing number of men to seek cosmetic procedures, work out and do whatever they can to look young.
In order to avoid a crisis a man needs to spend time thinking about and talking to people with whom he feels comfortable about mortality, his wishes for what he has yet to do, evaluate what he has done, address any regrets he may have or thinks he will have if he doesn't make a change, acceptance of the limits of life and his limitations in particular. Contemplating the end of life actually helps many men to value each day and future plans that much more, to reprioritize what really matters (more toward relationships of import) and to feel more in touch with emotions and be able to share them with others.
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Women have The Red Hat Society to belong to and hang out and be 50 and over. I really believe men need something like that to help them through mid life crises The discussion on TV this morning certainly leads me to believe men need support groups for their aging egos.
I am delighted I am turning 60! There really is a generation gap. The men featured in this segment,Matt Lauer included, are all self centered and egoists! Their discussion and concerns were all about them!Most of my peers(men in their late 50's and early 60's- the real baby boomers) have had a different perspective when we all turned 50. These men featured on the program and Dr. Saltz's discussion is mostly about self image.But then maybe the men I have known who have passed 50 are more mature or maybe more balanced than Dr. Saltz's experience and the experience of those featured on the program. Then again I wonder if it is cultural as I wonder if these men and Dr. Saltz are all from the NYC metro area.
I really feel sorry for these folks .Please let the world know that we all don't and haven't felt the same way these
selfish men feel.
I like your programing for 50 year old men as a 55 year old. I strongly suggest that when talking about men that you feature
Men pscychologists and NOT women. Men will listen to men much on these tough issues.
I have learned one thing, as I have aged..
not to listen to women...especially those over 40.
I,AM 47LOOKING TO FORWARD TO 50 I HAVE A 5 MOS. OLD BOY AND ANOTHER ON THE WAY. AND I FEEL JUST AS GOOD AS I DID WHEN I HAD MY 19 YEAR OLD
As a female, who turns 50 in Jan,I think AARP, contacted the wrong person. Isn't that for when you turn 65?
Anyway, I still feel and look great! I've sorta been bragging I'm turning the big 50. My dad died at 49 & my kids dad died at 48, so I'm just praying I make it!
Remember, the only way to not turn 50, is to be down under! I'm just so thankful for good health! Count your blessing, as the saying goes, there's always someone worse off...
I saw a TODAY show segment this morning on turning fifty. I am forty-eight, so I was interested in learning more about the experiences of men who are turning fifty or who have turned fifty. However, the unspoken assumption of the segment was that all men turning fifty are straight, married, with children. I am a gay male, and the segment did not address at all the concerns that I have--health issues, being alone, retiring in a safe place, etc. Can't the TODAY show be more inclusive?
I am a woman who turned 50 this year and although no one believes my age there is still much more of a stigma towards 50 year old woman vs 50 year old men. The majority of men's perspective is that women have outlived their usefulness at this age (i.e., not hot enough anymore....). Somehow men that are fat, bald but with some money still are a hot commodity. What have I learned at this ripe old age?...I want to come back as a rich, ugly man!! Fifty for a man is adolesence!!! Stop crying!
My husband just turned 51 and I'm 60. I haven't died yet and I'm sure he won't either because he's in his fifties. All he talks about is retiring. Life is great no matter what age you happen to be. This segment is about men at 50, not women and all men not just straight men, get over that your gay, 50 is 50 and has nothing to do with your preferences.
You never really feel as old as your birthday tells you until you try to dance with a twenty-year-old and have trouble getting up from the floor once you get down there. JUST DON'T DANCE WITH TWENTY YEAR OLDS AND YOU WILL REMAIN CONFIDENT IN YOUR YOUTH.
You never really feel as old as your birthday tells you until you try to dance with a twenty-year-old and have trouble getting up from the floor once you get down there. JUST DON'T DANCE WITH TWENTY YEAR OLDS AND YOU WILL REMAIN CONFIDENT IN YOUR YOUTH.
turning 50 in a few years (gay, partnered 20yrs, 2 kids and career). It's all a gift going forward and yes I to get tired of womens opinion of men.
I just turned 50 last week.
I feel great. I have a wonderful husband, a great job and money in the bank. Plus, no more pimples!!! But darn those hot flashes. It's a great time to be alive.
I am 52 and danced about 5 dances with a 21 year old one night until he almost passed out! I am in much better shape than him!
Itâs wonderful! Spa on it at home must be very good! I see customers in pubspa.com are using it.
And so what concerns did the 60 year old "real" baby boomer have at 50? Altruistically about everyone else?
A 10 year 'generation' gap?
Floating his own boat? Hmm.
A 50 year old's health, job, future affects his family too.
I'll be 49 this month, but what the heck. I'm as good as there, right? For the greater part of my life, I tried to be something that I could never be. The toughest guy, the coolest guy, the hottest guy. Not even close! But I just couldn't face up to the fact that I was the "average" guy. Now I'm at a place in my life where I'm very happy with that. I'm not cool, toubh, or hot. I'm just average ol' me. I really like that.
Also now I really am aware that I'm going to die. As simple as that. It's really going to happen someday, and probably sooner that I expect. Whenever it happens, I know it will seem too soon. Knowing that makes my Monday afternoons, my driving home in traffic midweek, my waiting for my wife to return from the supermarket all very important and enjoyable. I don't want to live for my weekends and vacations anymore. I know now that life is what goes on between the "special" times. Good luck, everyone.
I am a man working in iraq for a private
company....it surprises my co-workers that i climb up and down aircraft to
perform maintenance...with such ease...i
have never felt old and probably never will...when i go home in june...i plan on hiking the appalachian trail....old?
not for me...
My boyfriend is turning 50 next summer (I am much younger than him at 22). He's already lived two times the life I have - yet he often acts more carefree and young than I do. While I look at him everyday and know he is probably happier than ever, he is still very quick to defend that he is not 50 yet!
At 52 I'm at my best physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My career is really taking off. I love my wife more than ever. The whole thing of not having children works a little bit more on my mind, every year. Fortunately, we get time with a couple pair of kids that we really love. At this point, not having children isn't a big deal for my 49 year old wife, though. I'm 100% fine with God's plan (as if there's a choice). I feel blessed to have dear friends who entrusted their precious gifts with us. One little girl deals with depression but when she's around me, she's filled with joy. I need to keep that relationship in check. It's too easy to become so attached to these children that I begin to think of them as mine. It can cause my wife to feel inadequate and create a difficult dynamic where the child takes preference to me over a parent.
Good site! Good resources here, All the best!
I am just glad I am not as old and pathetic as some of you geezers. Seriously, keep some of that to yourself!
I hated turning 50, but at the same time felt it was an accomplishment to have gotten there. My husband threw me a huge party with all my friends and family and I loved it! However, since then (I'm 54 now) I have been feeling depressed about aging. I've noticed that you don't seem to matter anymore...what you say isn't really taken seriously and people tend to ignor e you. I really hate turning older. I'm a smart, vital woman and I'd like to be treated as such!
when you r 50 you are not getting old but you r getting better with age and experience just like the old wine. so celebrate.
I am 50 and suffering from depression. I am getting older and I love younger women, but I don't think they want me for me.
Please help!