loose communication between each other along with the friendship!

Whatever the reason, its never right, for either sex. The simple reason is that its not fair to the other person. There's no amount of pleasure that can make up for the pain caused to the other person when someone cheats. I've been on both sides and at least when I was cheated on, I could look in the mirror and face myself. I couldn't when I was the cheater (I cheated one time, in hgh school and I'll never do it again). I'm 36, male, and my opinion is that if there is problems in the relationship, work at them or get out honorably, by breaking up. Or just stay single, like me, and avoid the whole problem!

people take affairs way too seriously. follow the example of the french. have affairs for the fun and excitement. what you dont know cant hurt you. absence makes the heart grow fonder

You cheated one time, in High School ??? WOW, that is terrible. You didn't even know what a relationship was in high school. That is hilarious. I cheated once, in high school ..... That's called dating ..... haaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaa I've cheated so many times , mostly from fourth grade to my freshman year in hs, but i'll be ok. hahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa...... with an outlook like that, yes, remain single, just don't become a stalker......................or worse

MY ODE TO GAIL

Dr Gail, couched up so sassy, you're flawless and classy,

I think that soon i'll be fixed,

The advice that you give, teaches me how to live

But somehow I think its a trick

As a therapist you say, that a man must not play

cuz a turbulent wrath surely follows

but women on couches with attractive sly smiles,
will ALWAYS trap me in a disdainful, hot, wild escapades that lead to divorce, sorrow and the loss of my home, but at least I can live in my boat, or at least half of it because that thankless woman that put me through med school has got a mean azz lawyer that says she'll take me to the cleaners and i'll be LUCKY to keep 1/4 of what i make for the next 10 years. Good thing I funneled tons of money to off shore accounts, and I will move to the baja and drink rum drinks ALL DAY LONG. LADIES> Come Join me. Thank YOU.

Man Cheat should always remember...goes around And comes around. really is.....

I'm glad to see some male inputs on this because I really do want to hear it from a man's perspective and viewpoints. And for those with kids, did you even think about your kids? Was life with the wife and kids that unbearable? Stop thinking about yourself for once, think about the kids first and get yourself into counseling before you decide to get out of the marriage.

I watched today's show with the panel of young good looking men Curtis Stone etc. It just opened up a whole can of worms for me about the subject of cheating.
Here's my situation:

My kids are grown, still live at home but basically have their own lives. Which now leaves my husband and myself to resume our life together without the kids always being front and center. My dilemma, we have grown apart, the things we used to do before kids are no longer common factors in both our lives, He no longer wants to go to dinner and a movie, taking a weekend jaunt to the beach, or just going for a Sunday road trip to drive around and stop at interesting places along the way. He's content to play his computer games, watch sports and drink beer all weekend. The only attention I get is when he smells food cooking. So this is what I've been reduced to, the cook, maid and beer runner?

I feel now that maybe I should be moving on, I don't want to, we've been married 29 years. I have friends both male and female, we do things together on occasion, but its just not the same as spending special time with my husband.

I also don't want to force him to do things with me, that only make his attitude ugly. I just don't know what to do, I find that I may be on the road to cheating on him to get the emotional support and intimitacy I need. What to do? What to do?

I am so glad to see that the men who did make a comment did not make it worth my time to read it. Maturity is so not evident in the comments.
I think people cheat becuase they cannot and refuse to grow up and act like an adult and accept responsibility for the commitments they have made. Anyone who cheats has made a decision to do so and that is the end of it. Man or woman there is no excuse for what has been done.
I am married to a man who has this need to be able to have contact with woman who do not know he is married. I do believe he has cheated but will not admit it. We have had many fights over this.
I am independent woman and I think he talks to these woman to feel needed, because as I have told him many times I only need him to love me all the other stuff I took care of myself before marriage and I can again if I have too. We are on rocky road which I would not wish on an couple.

Stay true to the one you love and when it is not right anymore end it to save a lot of heartache in the future.

This article is addressed about men, so here goes:
To the women, don't take what's not your--a married man--that's stealing.
To the married men, don't take a woman that is not your wife.

Easier said than done? Not really. Women, just stop flirting and men stop trying to impress women that's not your wives.

This article is about men, so here goes:
To the women, don't take what's not yours--a married man--that's stealing.
To the married men, don't take a woman that is not your wife.

Easier said than done? Not really. Women, just stop flirting and men stop trying to impress women that's not your wives.

Men and women are only deemed such when they can respect themeselves enough not to demean others, themselves and their relationship in a committed relationship by cheating. Whatever the excuse...children make excuses for their behavior.... if you are a true adult and claim to be a man or woman and fail to work on a relationship then definition of cheating is not looking, touching,emotionally supporting another without the willing involvment of your committed partner;thinking about another or putting yourself in a situation that would cause doubt to enter in, hurt, temptation for your loved one to have to seek heart repair. This is not hard because we all know there will always be those outside of the committed relationship to help you stray.What is worse finding out they strayed because you now have an incurible disease or emotionally being tourtured because cheating is only defined by physically touching although you have been emotionally staraved by your love.

I must say, I've been there too, except from a different perspective. I am the as many would say, " the other woman" and have lived my whole life always following my morals until now, where I find myself fooling around with a married man nearly twice my age. How do I end this and move on with my life and give him the wake up call that I was just hit with? Any suggestions would be great. thanks

Son asked his mother the following question:

'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies,

'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his fathe r.

'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'

The father looks at his son in surprise and says,

'Son, all household appliances come in white.'

no one wins when a partner cheats, both parties will always get hurt and in the end the trust is so very hard to get back! My husband had an on-line/phone affair with an old high school sweetheart that he searched on classmates.com and they were communicating back and forth for about three months!! I found out and flat out asked if he wanted a divorce so he can resume his past fling, he said no that he still loved me and it wasn't really cheating because it wasn't physical, calling another woman babe, sweetie, honey and telling her he misses hearing her voice is cheating no matter what. He promised to end the emails and phone calls, but to this day I still feel a little suspicious of him, I know it will take time but the pain and mistrust is still fresh in my heart and mind.

I was cheated on by my boyfriend--- with my best friend--- only to find out about a year after... I had nothing but hate for both of them. and in some way i still do. Everytime i think about it I just want to cry but he was never the type of person to cheat, but realistically it all seemed right. It happened, he denied it, and i said ok keep denying it life will kick your ass later for it and I CAN't WAIT. i about killed the best friend, killed him, and then move on. To this day i still feel betrayed, because i loved my boyfriend for so long it almost was a BIG punch in my stomach, i was shocked when this happened, but life continues on... Now my only problem is trusting again. I feel like i will never trust the same and other times I feel like it shouldn't bother me as much as it does, but that feeling will never go away.

FOR NOREEN...

Dear Noreen,

Your "Dilemma" is all too common, and you are definitely NOT alone. So many couples drift apart after so many years, especially after the children have grown. They discover that they actually don't have anything in common anymore, or they figure out they don't really like each other all that much, and that all there really was in the relationaship was the procreation of their children. Communication, compatibility, and likeability are the keys to the long-term survival of the relationship, and it sounds like you and your husband have neither of the first two. In addition, there is a heavy dose of "Selfishness" on the part of your husband, who after all these years of being waited on has become fat, dumb, and happy. He needs a swift kick in the pants to get off his ass to show that he still loves and cherishes you, and you are the VERY person who needs to "wake him up" and make him do it. That is, of course, if you want to save the marriage, because from what you describe so acurately, you really don't have a "Marriage" of "Partners," you have a "JOB," of taking care of a man who is lazy in the relationship maintaining department.

You really only have three choices.

1) Continue living as a "cook, maid and beer runner," and spend the rest of your natural life in that capacity.

2) Tell your husband that things need to change, and that he needs to make the effort to become a loving, attentive, and unselfish "Husband" again, if he ever was.

3) Go find a new man who will provide the love, attention, and excitement you require.

Noreen, I'm not sure how old you are, but after 29 years of marriage I can only guess you're probably in your mid- 50's...which makes you a YOUNG woman. YES...you STILL have many years of love and joy ahead of you if you have the COURAGE to seek out and embrace what you DESERVE in your life. It's going to require the inner STRENGTH to lay it all on the line to your husband that if things DO NOT change for the better, than you will be leaving to find a partner who cares, and who will not simply USE you. This really does NOT have to be as big a deal as it sounds. Just think of it this way...On average, you will be DEAD in 30 years. Tick, Tock...Tick, Tock...Tick, Tock. How much lomger are you going to live in misery?...time is ticking. We only get so many years Noreen. It's ludicrous to spend your life in a situation that is not pleasing to you. It's ALL up to you Noreen. No one else is going to make the changes you wish without you taking the initiative and "Bull by the Horns" to get busy on recreating the life you desire, and deserve. You have spent your life unselfishly raising your children and waiting on your husband. It's NOW TIME to put the focus back on YOU. There is NOTHING wrong with this, in fact, to NOT do this means you're suffering from Low-Self Esteem...which means you would need to work on that first. Remember, Low "Self-Esteem" measn you have HIGH "OTHER-Esteem"...you "Esteem" your Children and Husband MORE than you do yourself. You MUST Transcend and Overcome this at this point in our life. Again, it's NOW TIME to put the focus back on YOU, before it's too late, and you turn around and find yourself an old woman who cannot do a "Do Over" in her life. Again, if you're feeling bad about giving the ultimatims to your husband, WHY would you feel bad about a person who only sees you as a "cook, maid and beer runner"?

THINK about it.

Best of luck.

well i was faithful to my boyfriend for 10 years--we had lots of problems but I always loved him and never thought about cheating--it just wasn't an option. We have a 9 year old son together and have been together since we were kids ourselves. We split up for about 2 months and got back together. I moved back to the state where he was and started living with him and his best friend. I knew his best friend wanted me, but i made sure never to let his friend think it was ok to cross that line--that was until he told me that my boyfriend had always cheated on me and that I deserved better. He told me of dozens of times that he knew about--girls I knew, girls I didn't know over a 10 year period...so I left my boyfriend and started dating his best friend. It hurt my boyfriend so much--I couldn't stand to see him in so much pain--regardless of what he did to me. Pretty pathetic huh? I ended up taking him back and we are trying to work out our problems--but I don't think I will ever trust him again. Any ideas about how to get over years of betrayal and the feeling of complete idiocy for not knowing?

It is interesting to read the perspectives of others and to find myself deciding to write...
I do not know if my situation was unique in the world, I only know it was painful and unique to my life...
I would like to think it was a growing expierence and I am a stronger person today..
For every situation and person there is the right course of action..Only you and your partner know if your relationship is strong enough to get past the betrayal..This article gave good sound advice that works...but it is up to you to decide..
Is this relationship strong enough...to get past and rebuild the trust...It is not an easy task and it requires strong commitment from both partners...
It will not work if both partners are not ready to commit to the work involved..It is a labor of love...a difficult one..but it is work...
I was not married to the person who lied to me, It was actually an open relationship..He could have come to me and
discussed his desires.. He chose to lie instead..thinking he was protecting my feelings...
So let me just say this...Think of Truth and Honesty in a relationship as you would getting a Flu Shot...It might sting at first..but the pain disapears quickly..and protects the relationship from the poison of mistrust and keeps open the lines of communication.

From a female's point of view that stole away a husband after 20 years of marriage, maybe if your wife wasnt such a nag and you treated him like you treated the bagger at the grocery store he wouldnt be looking for something else to excite him in the morning to get up. Be a woman, i know its not always easy, but be a woman to the man you promised to keep happy your entire lifetime. Dont be a mother or a maid or allow him to treat you any other way, and he wont stray...

I think both sexes are equally afraid that if they ever looked at their partner/spouse and said that they wanted some "strange", that their spouse would agree so long as BOTH were able to do so. The excuses of men being hardwired for infidelity and women saying "well if you took care of your man" are just that, EXCUSES!!!! Let's be real people, if you had an affair on your significant other that they didn't know about, and then you found out they had one, you'd be pissed! Let's get over the fairytale books and into honest communication!

Some of this stuff sounds like cheating is okay.

I can't understand any of that and I suppose I should just say, "Thank God it's too weird for me." and leave it at that.

Most of my friends are women; I have 0% physical interest in them. The person who wrote the "Ode to Gail" creeps me out. After 23 years I'm more in love with my wife than ever.

Come on, guys! Love your wives. Respect other women. Respect YOURSELF!

I think that article is just s...
1. The author gives excuses to men, yeah, they cant do anything against it, its in theur genes, the poor ones... come on we are in 2008, we have a brain
2. Is this article really written in 2008, not 1908 ? It is just so out of date. Men can cheat and women can cheat, we are not the "emotional motivated" girls anymore ( at least most of us)
But if you love your man or woman you dont cheat
Get over it

I have been involved with a married man for 4 years now. He has begged his wife to attend counseling with him. She refuses. Doctors say she needs depression meds, she refuses. She no longer is involved with the day to day activities with the three young kids, because she's tired. Has not had sex with him in over a year, she doesn't like it. He cooks, cleans, bathes the kids, takes them to school, fixes their dinner, and works a full time job. And he continues to stay because she has threatened suicide if he ever leaves. So yes, he is my married man, but I give him the love, friendship, sex, and support he needs to survive. Not proud of it, wish he was mine full time, but this is the way it has to be. Sometimes there is more to cheating than just the sex. Women need to take care of their mans emotional needs as well.

Why do men cheat? ha!, I was with a gal who cheated, it is a two-way street. 14 years with 1 woman and I never so much as asked for another woman's phone number. We should go back to stoning cheaters, well, maybe a big A on the noggin' for 5 years. Now that we're thru she worries I will tell people. My response is I speak the truth.

forgive? forget that. If my hubbs ever cheated on me he'd be out. Cheating is unforgivable to me and is not something you can just "work through" because after that, what trust is there? How can you look at that person and not feel hurt and betrayed everytime you see them?
Why is this article saying you should stay anyway?
I've never met a man who only cheated once.

To "Currently a mistress said:"
Why are you giving him "the love, friendship, sex, and support he needs to survive"? You say "wish he was mine full time, but this is the way it has to be" It does not make any sense to me why you would give yourself to a man that cannot give you back. Do you feel sorry for him? He does not need your sympathy, it does not help him, his relationship to his wife and ultimately not his wife and kids. Don't feel sorry for him, it does not help him and certainly does not help his wife. He needs help, his wife needs help but I don't think you are the kind of help they need. I think you are better off with someone who can be committed to you fully and not this man. It just does not seem to make sense to me because it "this is" NOT "the way it has to be." I think once you let go of him and find someone else that truly loves you, you will know what genuine love is--to give love and to get love in return that you deserve.

Oh...and to

Oliver Clothesoff and Ben Dover

The immaturity of people today never ceases to amaze me. Thank you for being living proof that we are descended from apes.

To "Flagirl"

Just a question. Your boyfriend's friend, who wanted in your pants, tells you he cheated and you start going out with him? Did you confront your boyfriend about these accusations? Or just believe them off the bat? If it's the latter, then did it ever occur to you he's lying? If not, then ignore this.

To "Monica"

Though I agree that if you love your man/woman, then you shouldn't cheat. As for the rest of what you said, if you're not literate enough to read the whole article, then don't bother posting a comment on it. If you notice, she sites the "in the gene's" as a darwinian "theory" and also states that, due to the number of women who cheat, this theory has little credence. If you don't know what that means, get a dictionary.

To "cheated w/ ur husband"

He also made a promise to keep his wife happy for the rest of her life. It's a two-way street. So if his wife nags, why does she nag? Maybe it's his fault and she has full right to nag. Either way...he's a slut and so are you.

To "Currently a mistress"

Have you seen this personally? Heard her threats of suicide? If you haven't, then how sure are you that he's telling you the truth and not just trying to "get some?" If you have, then the woman can easily be committed. She needs psycological help, whether she wants it or not. Your more of a problem than a cure. Don't try to justify his or your actions, because cheating is cheating, regardless of the circumstances.

Well, 20 years in a marriage where I was faithful. He was faithful for 2. He cheated three times before our 12 anniversary. 1 one night stand, 1 affair with a co-worker that lasted two months, and 1 internet affair that lasted 5 weeks. I was devastated when I found out 8 years ago. We had two kids. I had an excellent job and was still a good catch but did not have the confidence or guts to leave him. We went to counseling and worked at our marriage. I told no one because of my own personal humiliation.

Our marriage continued. Although his indiscretions stopped his lying did not. His addiction to internet porn and and other things persisted. He was diagnosed two years ago with a mental illness. This past year I have found myself back in a Master's program and working on my own agenda.

I recently met someone who I am very attracted to. He is not married. I would never engage with someone who was. He does have a 30 year old girlfriend. He is divorced and 40. Not sure why he is interested in me. We are very respectful of one another. The fact that I am married does not bother him....that acutally bothers me. When I am with him I feel no guilt. We see each other on a regular basis, 1 or 2 times a week. We have had sex once. A little uncomfortable for both ... but with practice it could be good.

Despite everything, my husband and I still enjoy great sex. We are best friends and have grown up together. He is at a stage now where he knows he loves me and is very engaged. I am not. I am wondering what my life would be like if I moved on. I am an extremely attractive women who is great shape. I am successful in my career and do very well. I know the person I am currently seeing is nothing more than great company. Do I enjoy the ride and stay in my marriage or realize that it is time to bale and be free for whomever I may meet?

Well, 20 years in a marriage where I was faithful. He was faithful for 2. He cheated three times before our 12 anniversary. 1 one night stand, 1 affair with a co-worker that lasted two months, and 1 internet affair that lasted 5 weeks. I was devastated when I found out 8 years ago. We had two kids. I had an excellent job and was still a good catch but did not have the confidence or guts to leave him. We went to counseling and worked at our marriage. I told no one because of my own personal humiliation.

Our marriage continued. Although his indiscretions stopped his lying did not. His addiction to internet porn and and other things persisted. He was diagnosed two years ago with a mental illness. This past year I have found myself back in a Master's program and working on my own agenda.

I recently met someone who I am very attracted to. He is not married. I would never engage with someone who was. He does have a 30 year old girlfriend. He is divorced and 40. Not sure why he is interested in me. We are very respectful of one another. The fact that I am married does not bother him....that acutally bothers me. When I am with him I feel no guilt. We see each other on a regular basis, 1 or 2 times a week. We have had sex once. A little uncomfortable for both ... but with practice it could be good.

Despite everything, my husband and I still enjoy great sex. We are best friends and have grown up together. He is at a stage now where he knows he loves me and is very engaged. I am not. I am wondering what my life would be like if I moved on. I am an extremely attractive women who is great shape. I am successful in my career and do very well. I know the person I am currently seeing is nothing more than great company. Do I enjoy the ride and stay in my marriage or realize that it is time to bale and be free for whomever I may meet?

I have been in a few long term relationships..and the last one was over 10 years..we weren't living together when he went to another town to "help" his mom..anyway, I found out(we were still seeing each other and talking about marriage)he had another fiance and 2 other kids(we had 3). He was a very good liar..lied to us both telling each what we wanted to hear. I knew..I had a feeling for a long time, she believed his lie that I was crazy. His brother gave me her phone number..I was going to tell her he was playing us both. I got out the words I you don't know me..she hung up. I never tried to talk to her again..now he is with no one. He broke up with her..I moved to another state and married a friend a few years later. Now, I am in a different place, my husband of 2 years..decided to start screwing up. I was 6 months pregnant and on bed rest due to complete placenta previa. Anyway, he stopped supporting me. He is in the Military, he makes ok money..yet a few months before the pregnancy he started running low on cash..then having none at all. He had taken out loans behind my back. I still have no idea where the money was and still is going. He was seeing a chick that was also in the Military..although he lies about that. I saw some very cryptic text messages on his phone(that was the only time I ever looked at his phone). She got out of the military suddenly and moved back to her parents hometown. I only hope she didn't get pregnant. I also found out that the whole time we had dated..he had another fiance in another state and was trying to hook up with 2 ex's while he was gone for 6 months(work related). I feel lost. This is my first marriage, I took the vows seriously..however there were other issues. He has never been into sex..or maybe just not into sex with me. I know it isn't my fault though as me and my ex had the best sex ever..like try every position etc etc ..great sex. My husband just isn't like that. I love sex, he never really wants it and when he does it is fast and boring. I have to wonder if he just isn't attracted to me. I also feel like once a cheater always a cheater. I just found out within this month(March)that he had a girlfriend. We separated on Nov 1st, so he could get anger management and financial counseling)I have not even talked to any men, he kept telling me he wanted to work everything out, how he was so sorry. I have seen the girl(she is 20!)and not to judge but she is a very big..not very pretty girl. I don't understand why he cheated..because I couldn't back up his lies..or because he needs to be with someone who looks up to him. I had our daughter..alone, by c-section Dec. 4th. He just now saw her this month. I don't get how he could pick her over his daughter either. I wrote the girl, she didn't write back..and I heard she said many bad things about me. I was nice, told her we weren't divorced. Let her know about the baby and told her he was telling me he wanted to work it out. He broke up with her last week. He claims he loves me. I am thinking about just being single and dating here and there. I don't think most men can say no to their D#cks. I realize some women cheat. I just don't understand why it is so hard for anyone..men or women to talk about their problems. I am an open book and I hate liars. I see no way to stay married to my Husband. The trust is gone. He was with this girl for three months and tells me there was no sex. I really can't believe that. I do have one thing to say about the other women..if you know the guy is married, and has kids, you really are hurting other people. If the guy really loved you, he would divorce the wife, make sure the kids still had a relationship with him and marry you. I cannot stand other women who know yet still sleep with a man. It shows your lack of consideration and morality. I think it also shows you do not really respect yourself. I don't think my husband even respects himself to be honest. There really are no winners.

To Noel:
Your husband's behavior and history should make you just run, run, run as far away from him as possible and don't look back. If he truly cares for you and his child, he would seriously get help. He sounds so screwed up and self destructive and you and your child don't need someone like that to destroy your lives too. Some day if he does ever straighten up and if he wishes to have a relationship with his child, you should allow that, but meanwhile you daughter does not need someone like him for a role model. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your child and let him go to work on his own problems. He can't be a responsible adult unless he is left on his own to figure it and grow up. Best of luck to you.

To Currently a mistress
I was thinking the exact same thing as the other poster. How do you know he's not feeding you a bunch of lies to justify having you on the side? He should be making an appointment with and personally escorting his wife to a counselor if she is really that depressed that she is threatening suicide. And if all these things are really true he is using you as an escape from his problems. You can't fix lifes problems by running away from them. Or he may be grossly exagerating his problems at home. Either way leave him and his family alone. When someone is married,(no matter what the problems at home are)this should tell you he is OFF LIMITS. Go find a man who is available to give you ALL of himself. Don't be a homewreaker.

I just wanted to thank everyone for the feedback I have been getting. I feel I should probably explain a few things. First, I work with the man I am having an affair with and know his wife personally. While we are not friends, our social settings have occasionally crossed. We were working the night he was called away because the ambulance had just taken his wife to the hospital. Her second suicide attempt, this one was discovered by their 9 year old daughter. He has begged and pleaded with docs to have her committed. Actually, so has her family. She goes in for 3-7 days then is released because she "promises" to take her meds. She then gets home and says she doesn't need them. The court system refuses to intervene because she is an educated woman, and when she "acts" like she has it all together, the judge believes her. I understand the guilt he would feel if he left her (not for me, but just because 8 years of this has about driven him over the edge), and she killed herself. I have stressed counseling to him, and he has gone several times. He feels stuck. I know his mom, and she has told me that she has tried to get his wife to take meds. Her depression is not a secret, and numerous people have told me how bad it is around their house. I know what we are doing is wrong. He wanted to leave her long before I ever came along, so I guess that's how I justify it. I don't know how this will end, because I just want to give him a small amount of peace in his life. I love him more than I can express, and willing to live my life 3rd. First are kids, second is wife, third is me. I hate it, but I too feel stuck. I am not a stupid woman, currently 40 and about finished with my PhD, but agonizing over this situation. Thanks to everyone who has offered advise. While I am in conseling myself, any additional advise is great.

Keep it up gal.Women have to learn to be just women to their husbands.A source of love,companionship,comfort and peace.A home he can always look forward to at the end of each day.
And for sure they will get the same in return.

I'm been involved with a married man.Three years down the line,i still love it all.

Go Gal,u owe no one any explanation.Let everybody be their own keepers,of their own acts & consequences.

Whoever wrote that article must be crazy! I've been cheated on, it hurts like hell, it was the worst experience of my life, the worst pain I had ever felt thus far.

Forgive, I don't think so. I pulled myself up and out of that relationship with my two children. He was an idiot. My husband now is completely the opposite of the idiot I was with before.

No ladies, don't buy into that bullshit of staying and working it out, not if you had nothing to do with his cheating. There ARE men out there who want one and only one lover. I don't believe men that cheat ever change. Obviously it was a man that wrote that article or a very naive woman.

To "Shari"

It was a woman who wrote the article. I wouldn't say she's naive, just...a little idealistic. Though, she does hint at "if" you want to work it out and "if" you want to spend a lifetime with whoever. Though she never does say the word "if," I'd like to think she meant to. I mean, whether you want to save your marriage or not is your prerogative.

To "Mistress myself."

Yes, you're your own keeper and responsible for your own acts and consequences. It still doesn't change the fact that the man you "love" is married to someone else which probably makes you second best in his love life. If you can live with that, cool. I just believe women shouldn't have to be second. Now, if love isn't involved and this is just a sexual thing, then I stand by my statement to "cheated w/ ur husband." He's a slut and so are you.

To "Currently a mistress"

I see how you're situation is complicated and despite the fact that I stand firmly by my belief that no cheating is justifiable, I understand your plight. No, you are not a stupid woman, nor do I believe you're naive. This man just needs to realize, he's done everything he can for his wife. If she's trying to commit suicide even though he hasn't left her, she's gonna try regardless. Him leaving wont change that fact. He may feel guilty that if he leaves and she succeeds at her attempts, it'll be his fault. It's not. He's not even partially to blame. He's dealing with an unstable woman that he's tried to help, and the "system" has let her slip through the cracks. The fault belongs to a flawed system. He shouldn't have to suffer for their mistakes. He needs to pack his things and leave, if not for his sake, his children's. If he's not willing to do this, then you need to move on. It'll be painful and it will be difficult, but you should never have to be second to another woman.

To Mistress Myself
Do what you want. What goes around comes around. Are you so desperate for a man that you have to sleep with someones husband? Can't you get your own? LOSER.

To Currently a mistress
Okay. I understand this man has a horrible homelife and needed a rescuer. But you could have been a friend and confidant to him without crossing the line. I really don't understand why an intelligent educated woman like yourself would get mixed up in a situation like this. How long are you willing to wait for this mess to get resolved? This could take years to resolve. He can't exactly leave thier child with a suicidal mother. Another thing to think about is if she is that unstable, how will she react if she finds out about his affair? That will drive her over the edge. Think about what she may attempt to do to herself,him,thier child or you. This whole thing could end really tragic.

To Noreen44
I would definetly bail if I were you. I mean I can see forgiving a man maybe once if I really felt he totally understood the scope of what he had done in damage to the marriage and I felt he was trully remorseful. BUT if you know it happened 3 times I would say he's a chronic cheater and I would suspect (if it were my husband) that there could have been more times that I may not know about. I'm curious, how did you find out about the infidelities? Not to mention the BIGGIE here is DID he use protection? Do people that screw around ever think what kind of STDS they could bring home to thier spouse? Really if you have the financial resourses to support yourself I think you should bail out before you get your heart broken AGAIN or get an STD.

To Noreen
I agree with Anon.
If you are that unhappy with him get out if you can. Life is too short to live miserabley. Have you told him how you feel? I would never advise having an affair cause that would just create more huge problems in your marriage should he find out. Also you would probably reget it if you compromised your morals (even if you don't love him anymore.)

To Noreen
I agree with Anon.
If you are that unhappy with him get out if you can. Life is too short to live miserabley. Have you told him how you feel? I would never advise having an affair cause that would just create more huge problems in your marriage should he find out. Also you would probably reget it if you compromised your morals (even if you don't love him anymore.)

i think its very possible to just cheat once.. anyone elses thoughts? i messed up one time and had a drunken one night stand about three months into a new relationship... i now know that i will NEVER EVER EVER EVER do it again.. the guilt that i have felt since then has remained in the back of my mind, and i am still with the guy, about a year later. i no longer wonder what it "would be like", because i know how horrible it makes you feel. what are you guys' thoughts?

TO ANON
Yes I believe it is possible to cheat just once. Like anything else some people learn from and regret thier mistakes,whereas other people are very self indulgent and feel thier entitled to do whatever they want reguardless of who they hurt. There is a big difference between someone who makes a onetime error in judgement and a person who is a chronic cheater and feels thier entitled to whatever they can get.

Yes,it s always have a reason to cheat..but its so hard to accept,eventhough you truly love the guy.this s the question how can we be a perfect partner?what we can do just to make sure for not hurting...to love,you have to be submissive,accept who really is,do what do you think the right thing..how can we sure that what you feel is the same with him.if ask him,actually guy always lied about that.its like they always wanted a spaced...from the time i accept him as my partner,i decided give everything.my life,my future, i choose him over my family.i didnt even sure that he love as well.like if im having a baby,or not feeling well..just saying ok!i just always told him what i wanted..but it seems.he always said im his wife & mother of his kids.sometimes i just felt i want to get out of this relation,im tired of being a damn wife.but i love my kids very much.im 27 & his 35,we had 3 kids and 8 years of marriages.pls.give me an advice..the more,the good thanks

To Haly,
In my opinion, you should really work on your problems. You need to communicate more, and be adament about your needs, not just his. There's always room for compromise, and you don't need to be submissive. If he pushes, you push, if he pulls, you pull. There's no reason why you're giving all, while he gives nothing. If your problems are things that can't be worked (Which, judging from your examples, I'm sure is not the case), then you may want to look at divorce. Just remember, everybody gets tire in a relationship. What proves love is enduring, and being able to compromise.

I was on a dating site x 2 i believe due to insecurity issues from my youth - i lied about it many , many times to my partner jacki . finally she went through my phone bill and found somebody i had actually cheated with and called her to confirm my actions . i want to know how do i change my pattern ? And can i ever get her back after all the deceipt ?? And cheating x1 or is it done ?

scott

who's really 2 blame? REALLY noone but urself!!! what can i say im a lady that had been with a man for 2 years on and off... in the beginning of everything people said he was married n had a child... but he denied everything everytime for da first year then he had finally told me the truth after he new he cant hold the lies any longer... he told me he had a kid but never got married with the baby's mother and said that they weren't together anymore... n i believed him for some reason for a while cus there was no reason i had to not trust him since he was coming home to me everynight... up until i feel that he cant b a good boyfriend or anything i let him go but then always ends up goin home together everytime we c eachother... when were together things feels so right but everytime when he's gone everything's like a dream... anyway when i finally made up my mind again to not have anything to do with him i find out that im pragnet and wen i found out im already 3 n a half 4 months pragnet... i told him and he said he wasn't ready and that if i love him i would abord the baby...n i told him i can't cus im already almost 4 months so now all the truths comes flying out that he's still with the baby's mother and that if i keep the baby it's gonna ruin everything... now i look back in time and feel so stupid to not listen to what people tell me... and now im stuck with a baby for a lifetime knowing that the baby's father is a big lier... well it was never my intention to break up any happy home and even tho im keeping this baby i never exspect him to b there to take any responsibilitys or anything but still would give him the oppertunity to c the baby... to the mistress is this an ending u want in life being with a married man? once a cheater always a cheater and cheaters are the best liers believe it or not it's up 2 u...sometimes wat u feel and what u want isn't real... to the cheaters if it's worth working out should always work it out b4 u cheat never know what can happen and always exspect the unexspected b4 shit happens........but i still believe whats yours will always b yours and what isn't no matter what u do it wont ever b yours........

To scott,

If this is the first and only time you've cheated, changing isn't going to be difficult. Every man fantasizes and has urges. You simply need the self restraint to not act on them. Saying no isn't as hard to do as you may think. The difficult part will be convincing Jacki to stay with you (or take you back if you've already broken up). In that regard, I can only give you a little advice since I neither know you or her. No empty promises and no lies. Speak from your heart. Yes, this advice is a little cliche, but it's the best advice. Most lies come out in the end. It's better to be truthful from the beginning then to have her find out later, because then, you not only lied to her, you kept lying to her everyday you didn't tell her. That's how she'll see it. Yes, it may sound a little dramatized, but women are usually more emotional than men. So, in summary, keep it in your pants and tell the truth.

Currently a mistress; dont you think that maybe having a husband that is such a douchebag he does cheat on his wife could be a part of her "mental" problems? Must suck to get married to the love of your life, have his kids, build your life with him then to only discover later that he does not love you or respect you and is screwing sluts behind your back. Yeah, I can hardly come up with sympathy for him and you...

Seven years ago, my wife (then girlfriend) cheated on me for almost three years while I was studying in another country. I would visit her on occasions. she confessed after I questioned her, but only partly. I continued questioning her and contrary to what she was said earlier on that it was just a friendship, it turned out to be a lustful longterm association spread over the entire time that i was not there. She only told me the truth after I persisted with my questions, educating her about the idea of honesty and truthfulness in a marriage. She claims she told me everything, (I want to believe her) and she said she lied impulsively probably because she grew up with a dad that lied with ease. she promised to cut off all contact with him. five years into our marriage, in one of our conversations she mentions him again as a potential client asking me if it was ok to take up a project with him. Again, despite her promise, she said she would talk to him on phone occassionally and that nothing else has happened since then. I dont know whether to believe her. I did not apporve of her idea of taking a project with him. Despite all my efforts at trying to make her understand that it would take a long time to build a bond again, she still did not get it and continuted to talk on phone (as she claims). To all those in my situation--I dont know how much I can trust my wife. I am in the marriage and we have a baby now. The other areas in our life are fine. But I feel agonized since seven years, feel foolish that I was so faithful, thought to taking revenge by sleeping with someone, but in the end I realized that only acceptance works if you want your marriage to last. I have have decided to remain with her and accept her flaws for the sake of our relationship and for our child. The hurt remains and will probably remain for the rest ofmy life. And she will never undrestand how much she hurt me. (she even told me that I was free to do what I wanted when I found out the first time. she is not the sensitive types and would have just gone on and married him) I was in a mess and acepted her. I dont regret it, she is good in some ways and not so good in other ways. but not everybody gets the best deal, I guess. Sometimes, I still feel that I should look for opportunity elsewhere.

TO Man Cheated
My husband has cheated on me twice(that I know of)Once early in our marriage(25 years ago) and again during his midlife crises. Although the second time did not turn into sex (just lunch and kissing)but it was because she is also married and felt guilty and backed out of it. I guess she may have developed a conscience(sp?)before it went any futher. The thought has crossed my mind to get even with him and have an affair myself. But I knew even though he has tore my heart out that I could not do that because #1 I took my marriage vows very serious 30 years ago and I still do. #2 I firmly believe in the quote "two wrongs don't make a right." #3 (and probably the biggest reason) is that I feel cheating shows a lack of moral character and integrity and won't compromise my values just to get even. If I did I would be no better than him and would feel like I lowered myself to someone that I'm not. I don't see how I could feel good about myself afterwards. I would take the right way out and get a divorce and maintain my integrity.

I read a book, "Take Back Your Marriage" a short while back. I liked the perspective of the book because it didn't focus on self-centered behaviors, but on responsibility and accountability of both people in a relationship. It also talked extensively about rebuilding a relationship after you recognize you've drifted apart. It has helped us a lot. From personal experience, you shouldn't assume that your partner knows you are unhappy or the level of your dissatisfaction. You have to pick a time and get them to listen, spell it out for them if you have to (as kindly as possible), but make sure he/she understands how serious the situation is from your point of view. You can't be passive about this, you must TALK to them, don't assume knowledge on their part. Then your spouse will know where you stand, where the marriage stands and be able to make decisions on a level playing field. Life does get in the way, and people do get distracted from each other. You have to be very real about your role and level of participation in the marriage. The only one you can change is yourself, but if you make changes, and don't feel badly about them, the dynamics of the marriage can change, too. I also suggest couples counseling or a couples workshop. Of course, this is all best done if you haven't had an affair. If you've had an affair, your credibility is probably gone with your spouse.

To Maria:

Thanks for your input. I agree with your views. I wish to remain in our marriage. We have not yet reached a breaking point. And I dont see us reaching the breaking point. I just feel hurt and miserable. And I feel even more hurt when she doesnt seem to understand how much she hurt me. In fact, if I have an affair, she would just assume that I did it to get back at her for what she did and she would be ok with it. There was an instance when we had to go to my sister's place because the wife (my sister) in that marriage had cheated onher husband and the husband found out. so, we as a family with my brother and sisters decided to intervene and try to keep the couple together. This was late in the night. A while after reaching, I asked my wife to go home since she was tired, and our intervention would probably last the whole night. When she reached home she called to tell me that she forgot the key. and she inexplicably broke down. she was crying incontrollably. I sensed that she must have recognized the similarities between what she had done to me and what my sister had done to her husband. However, she never said that. She claimed that she was very very tired and on seeing that the key was not with her after a very tiring day, she could not hold herself together. I consoled her and asked her to call her sister to take her to her house for the night. I found her behaviour perplexing. Was she really that tired? or did she actually relate the situation to hers? I will never figure out. Perhaps, a lady reading this might help me understand. Does she genuinely feel remorse for what she has done? She claims she does. but I didnt see the remorse coming in very strongly in her words and body language. Because of this, I dont see a point in conversing often on this issue. The last time we spoke about it was was a year ago when i was getting paranoid about the situation and not getting enough sleep wondering whether our marriage would be over. There was a phone call on her phone once. I answered and either the caller cut it or the network failed at that time. But I jumped to all sorts of conclusions about the call. She saw that something was wrong and asked me about it. I told her that maybe she was still in touch with that guy and that he hung up on hearing me onher phone. We talked that day and she said that the last he called her was some months ago to say that he was getting married and to ask her whether it was ok for him to send her an invitation. She said that they spoke for about 10-15 minutes and she has never heard from him again. She insists that its over and, strangely, she seems to think that she could get his number from friends if she wanted to and that she isnt. So, I think she meant to say that I should appreciate this of her. I cant undsrestand why she thinks I shoudl appreciate something when she ought to do it if she wants our marriage to continue. I dont need to appreciate this act of hers. However, I just feel hurt and emotionally, I feel that while I wanted a perfect marriage, this is not a perfect marriage, and will remain so until I die. Another harsh lesson of life: the wronged suffer while the wrong-doer enjoys, and the happy ending never happens.

To Maria:

Thanks for your input. I agree with your views. I wish to remain in our marriage. We have not yet reached a breaking point. And I dont see us reaching the breaking point. I just feel hurt and miserable. And I feel even more hurt when she doesnt seem to understand how much she hurt me. In fact, if I have an affair, she would just assume that I did it to get back at her for what she did and she would be ok with it. There was an instance when we had to go to my sister's place because the wife (my sister) in that marriage had cheated onher husband and the husband found out. so, we as a family with my brother and sisters decided to intervene and try to keep the couple together. This was late in the night. A while after reaching, I asked my wife to go home since she was tired, and our intervention would probably last the whole night. When she reached home she called to tell me that she forgot the key. and she inexplicably broke down. she was crying incontrollably. I sensed that she must have recognized the similarities between what she had done to me and what my sister had done to her husband. However, she never said that. She claimed that she was very very tired and on seeing that the key was not with her after a very tiring day, she could not hold herself together. I consoled her and asked her to call her sister to take her to her house for the night. I found her behaviour perplexing. Was she really that tired? or did she actually relate the situation to hers? I will never figure out. Perhaps, a lady reading this might help me understand. Does she genuinely feel remorse for what she has done? She claims she does. but I didnt see the remorse coming in very strongly in her words and body language. Because of this, I dont see a point in conversing often on this issue. The last time we spoke about it was was a year ago when i was getting paranoid about the situation and not getting enough sleep wondering whether our marriage would be over. There was a phone call on her phone once. I answered and either the caller cut it or the network failed at that time. But I jumped to all sorts of conclusions about the call. She saw that something was wrong and asked me about it. I told her that maybe she was still in touch with that guy and that he hung up on hearing me onher phone. We talked that day and she said that the last he called her was some months ago to say that he was getting married and to ask her whether it was ok for him to send her an invitation. She said that they spoke for about 10-15 minutes and she has never heard from him again. She insists that its over and, strangely, she seems to think that she could get his number from friends if she wanted to and that she isnt. So, I think she meant to say that I should appreciate this of her. I cant undsrestand why she thinks I shoudl appreciate something when she ought to do it if she wants our marriage to continue. I dont need to appreciate this act of hers. However, I just feel hurt and emotionally, I feel that while I wanted a perfect marriage, this is not a perfect marriage, and will remain so until I die. Another harsh lesson of life: the wronged suffer while the wrong-doer enjoys, and the happy ending never happens.

my husband cheated on me 3 years ago and like it was stated...I can forgive but I will never forget!!! I knew he was cheating on me...I just had to catch him and I did. The other woman was texting him at home!!! With me and my 3 daughters right there....they were both stupid!!! What should I do???? I just can't seem to get over this and I feel like he is going to do this again? I check up on him all the time. Please help me.

Debbie
Sweetie I think you need to go talk to a counselor so you can move past this. It's been 3 years now and your still checking up on him like it just happened. You haven't moved on at all. Does he know your still checking up on him? If so he may develop an attitude. He may start thinking if she's still so suspicious and mistrusting of me I might as well give her something to worry about." People resent being checked up on and reminded of thier wrongdoings that are way in the past. You could drive him away if you persit in doing this. Noone wants to feel like thier spouse is paranoid and don't trust them. This usually makes anyone with a conscience feel guilty and bad about themselves.

I'm tired of my husband becouse he is cheating me.

Noushin:

Why is he cheating you? is he dissatisfied with you? bored of you? or is he just the wanderer? ask questions like these to yourself and thenyou might have a way out.

I would just like to say that there is absolutely NO recovery in a marriage when one or the other in the marriage commits adultry. I know this from experience. I was married in Dec 1985 and early on in the marriage I got drunk with a friend and had a "one night stand while my husband was in another country." He would have never known about this but upon his return I thought I was doing the right thing in telling my husband the truth. I Loved my husband enough to be honest with him and because I wanted to give him the option of either staying and forgiving me or leaving me. He chose to stay and forgive me and made me promise never to do that again. I kept my promise to him for the rest of our marriage but, Little did I know that the next 23 yrs he would do unspeakable things without me knowing. Just two months ago he finally confessed to me and our three grown kids that he has been having affairs throughout the marriage and spending all his money on them while I worked two jobs to keep shoes, clothes and food in the house for our three kids. Now that now he has found someone else whom he met on line and chatted with for a week and had sex the day they met he wants a divorce. Throughout the marriage he never let on that he was unhappy nor was he ever mean to me. As a matter of fact he was quite the opposite and treated me like a queen during our marriage to keep me at bay while he was living an alternate life. I can't say that I dont' deserve it but I feel that I did give him the opportunity to divorce me by being honest with him from the very beginning. He chose to stay and punish me instead without me knowing. Needless to say the kids and I are extremely angry with him now and he is living his life as though we never existed. If I had it all to do over again I would have never had the encounter with the other man but I can't go back. I was young and stupid and wish it had never happened. But it did and now I pay the ulitmate price in losing the man I love. Those of you out there who are contemplating adultry THINK AGAIN this could be you. I miss my husband very much and have also lost 23 yrs with him as we don't even know who he is.

Glenda
Are you saying that something that happened 23 yrs.ago is why you paid the ultimate price of him leaving? How do you know he wasn't doing this way before you did?

Glenda
Are you saying that something that happened 23 yrs.ago is why you paid the ultimate price of him leaving? How do you know he wasn't doing this way before you did?

there we go,everyone needs to think about this topic.before cheating just get to the point with your men or woman.be honest tell them what u want ,what u need and what u r thinking ,and if he doesnt understand after all that explaining then have some respect and dumped them before cheating, and after that u can be free to have sex with anyone u want.

Maria,

Yes, while living in Germany I got drunk with a friend of mine named Keith. We had known each other for about 8 months. We were friends. Nothing ever happened up until the night we got drunk when my husband was in Holland, and nothing ever happened again after with him nor anyone else after that. I felt so guilty that I told my husband about it immediately upon his return. He would have never known otherwise but I needed to be honest with him. I loved him so much that I felt he needed to know the truth and needed to be given the opportunity to decide if he wanted to stay or leave. He chose to stay and I thought he forgave me. Now he has confessed to a whole other life that he has been living throughout our 23 yr marriage. I will never know if he was doing anything prior to my one night stand. All I can say is I never let that happen again. I just know I feel I did the right thing in being honest with him and in the end I have found I have been married to a man I never knew. He has made it clear to me that "payback is a bitch." so I assume that he wasn't doing anything prior to what I did. But I will never know because I wasnt in Holland with him either. I know he had been to the red light district where men can get hookers in Germany prior to us marrying and there are other indiscretions he has confessed to other than just adultry throuhout our marriage.

It isn't always so black-and-white, you know, every situation is different and I now see life in shades of gray. On the one hand, I have a responsibility to my husband and small daughter. On the other hand, in order to be a mature and respectful person, am I supposed to simply accept a boring and flat sex life for the rest of my life? I love my husband, but there's no passion or excitement. And he's completely content with his life of tv and computer games and sports and stuff. I have tried to talk to him about needing more in our marriage, but he's not interested in changing things. And I've met someone who makes me feel alive, attractive, and whole--I have NOT cheated with this person in any way, but the temptation is powerful. I have told my husband that I'm in a position of being tempted and that something is going to break somewhere, that I am vulnerable to an affair if nothing changes between us. But he doesn't want to talk about it, he's happy with our life as it is. I did try opening the topic of polyamory or a trusting open relationship (i.e., if he doesn't want more/better sex/intimacy, can we find another way to make things work?), but he's not into that either. I do NOT want to break up our home. I do NOT want to cheat. But I also don't particularly want to just suck it up and live the rest of my life with boring bad pathetic sex. Hmm?

Glenda
Sorry to hear about you situation. One thing I remember hearing a long time ago was that a woman should NEVER tell her husband about an infidelity. The male ego just can't handle the fact that thier wife slept with another man. Also men have a much harder time getting over thier anger than women do. BUT that was still no reason for him to punish you throughout your entire marriage. I could see him having a one nite stand as payback. But a lifetime of infidelity to me seems like he used your one nite stand as justification to have repeated affairs. If this is how he was then I think he would have cheated on you anyhow regaurdless of your one incident. I think you need to ease up on yourself and not blame youself for the demise of your marriage. If he really loved you he would have forgave you and worked on the marriage. People don't torment a spouse they really love, they get over it and move on.

Shades of gray
Have to admit I admire your honesty. It's hard to believe that you have actually told your husband your'e tempted to cheat and also mentioned open marriage and he's not willing to change a thing. He must be either awful depressed, lazy or just not care enough about the marriage to change. Or maybe he thinks you would never cheat and is not taking what your'e saying seriously. Have you thought of going to marriage counseling?

Maria,

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I must admit it has been hard to get past the thought that I am to blame for it. But I no longer feel that way at all. Throughout the marriage I sensed he was having affairs and knew it probably would not stop but felt I had no right to do or say anything about them because of the one night stand. Looking back I regret it all. He told me one day on the phone that he still wants to be friends, he was real nice to me (for a change) then at some point in the conversation he changed the subject and asked me if I would front him the money for the divorce so he could file immediately. You see, the 51 yr old woman he was with, he had chatted on line with for a week, met in person and had sex, he said she knew he was married but a week or two later he said she suddenly grew a conscience and didn't want to see him anymore because he was married. I told him that didn't sound right and that if she slept with him once knowing he was married any subsequent physical encounter would make no difference and that if she truly liked him as much as he thought, he being married wouldn't be an obstacle expecially since she told him that she had never been married, and never wants to get married and she has kids by different men. He is a man who makes great money but spends it all on Porn and other women so he is always broke. Naturally I refused to front the money which he said that he will no longer pay any monthly support money to the kids and I. It was his way of forcing me into giving the money to him up front because I have a great deal of money in my savings. Instead I decided to file first. He is being nice now but only because he knows I am fragile and thinks he may be able to take advantage of me. My lawyer told me not to send him any money nor should I talk with him because he will try to break me down mentally in order to take advantage.

Glenda
Listen to your lawyer and don't give the louse a penny. You will need that money for yourself and the kids.If you live in a community property state I think you are also entitled to half of his retirement fund and if you own a home half of that too. Make sure you have a good lawyer to fight for your rights. Don't let yourself get screwed in the settlement. Ask your lawyer exactly what your entitled to.

Glenda
Listen to your lawyer and don't give the louse a penny. You will need that money for yourself and the kids.If you live in a community property state I think you are also entitled to half of his retirement fund and if you own a home half of that too. Make sure you have a good lawyer to fight for your rights. Don't let yourself get screwed in the settlement. Ask your lawyer exactly what your entitled to.

To Glenda,

Yes, I agree with Maria. After 23 years of his infidelities and spending his money on other women, I think your entitled every penny you can squeeze from him, despite your one-night-stand. Usually I'm against alimony (mainly because out here in california, women receive alimony until they remarry...and fact is, they're perfectly capable of working. Women tend to take advantage of this fact, and I know plenty of guys going bankrupt because of it...but I digress), but in this case, you more than desrve it. Take him for all he's got, and leave him in the gutter.

To Maria,

You seem to have been misinformed. I mean, seriously, "...NEVER tell her husband about an infidelity. The male ego just can't handle the fact that their wife slept with another man..." that's a little sexist don't you think? According to this logic, men should never tell their wives about an infidelity because women are too emotional and fragile to handle the man they love leaving them for someone better (or more painfully, a woman you're better than). This school of thought is childish and helps no one. I applaud Glenda for her honesty. This may (or may not) have led to their divorce, but she's better off without him.

TO ANON
It's not a sexist thing. It's a fact that men can get really violent if they find out about a wives affair. They usually want to kill the other men that slept with thier wife. I'm not saying that just about men though. I don't think a spouse should ever confess an affair(unless their caught)and have no choice, because it will just tramatize the other spouse beyond belief. Why put your spouse thru hell just to relieve your own guilty feelings. It's not going to change the fact that it happened so why dump that misery on your spouse. Deal with your own guilt and learn from your mistake or talk to a counselor about it. Unless youv'e ever been a betrayed spouse you have no idea how this hurts and tears apart you self esteem. I know I've been there and I think I'd rather cut off an arm then go thru that again.