On the Couch with Gail Saltz, M.D. | A Mental Health Blog at iVillage.com
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Public humiliation
As I am sure many of you have noticed, there appears to be a rise in people choosing to show the worst of themselves or of someone else in a public forum such as Youtube.
Last week a group of girls videotaped themselves beating up a classmate and this week a woman airs her marital grievances as well as her accusations of infidelity and impotence.
Why is this happening? There was a time when no one would have dreamed of revealing such awful behavior and would avoid public humiliation. But the new millennium seems to have brought with it an ever-increasing threshold for public display, shame and exhibitionism.
Watch the full segment on TODAY
Humans by nature have exhibitionistic and voyeuristic wishes, but society generally helps them control those urges. Parents tell their children that it is wrong and act as role models of the proper way to behave.
Unfortunately, exhibiting shameful behavior has become sport, from reality TV to Youtube to Myspace ... Screens are blasted with image after image and we are all watching. We have become increasingly desensitized to the taboo of exhibitionism and to the taboo of sadism. Sadism and masochism are also parts of human nature but usually kept in check by a community that wants to keep each other safe and moral. Today, watching sadism has become in vogue, whether watching a chef torture wannabes or watching the humiliations and razor-sharp criticisms of American Idol, or everyone going to the boxing match to see the knockout, not the fancy footwork.
The risks are that the next generation will have an even harder time keeping the more primitive aggressive drives and wishes in check. Children learn from what they see and they will do as you do, not just as you say. Talk to your child about what they are seeing and teach them why this kind of public humiliation sadly helps no one and for many will be very destructive.
Related content from Gail Saltz:
Last week a group of girls videotaped themselves beating up a classmate and this week a woman airs her marital grievances as well as her accusations of infidelity and impotence.
Why is this happening? There was a time when no one would have dreamed of revealing such awful behavior and would avoid public humiliation. But the new millennium seems to have brought with it an ever-increasing threshold for public display, shame and exhibitionism.
Unfortunately, exhibiting shameful behavior has become sport, from reality TV to Youtube to Myspace ... Screens are blasted with image after image and we are all watching. We have become increasingly desensitized to the taboo of exhibitionism and to the taboo of sadism. Sadism and masochism are also parts of human nature but usually kept in check by a community that wants to keep each other safe and moral. Today, watching sadism has become in vogue, whether watching a chef torture wannabes or watching the humiliations and razor-sharp criticisms of American Idol, or everyone going to the boxing match to see the knockout, not the fancy footwork.
The risks are that the next generation will have an even harder time keeping the more primitive aggressive drives and wishes in check. Children learn from what they see and they will do as you do, not just as you say. Talk to your child about what they are seeing and teach them why this kind of public humiliation sadly helps no one and for many will be very destructive.
Related content from Gail Saltz:
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Yes, children learn from what they see and they're seeing Youtube clips shown repeatedly on television...and not just on tabloid TV. In fact, it seems that all of television has become tabloid.
One would think that anyone who has the intellect to make it to the top of the communications industry would be mature enough to realize the responsibility of communicating content which isn't harmful to viewers.
Where boundaries once existed, they are now weakened, with many in the industry pushing to eliminate them altogether. FOR WHAT PURPOSE? Is it a ratings race with the finish line being the total sanctioning of destructive behavior?
The individuals who make millions working in mass media must realize that on any given day, significant numbers of children are at home....watching content inappropriate for daytime TV. Some kids have young, irresponsible parents (or babysitters) who don't have the judgment to turn off the content. Some kids are left alone unsupervised. The reasons are varied, but the number of kids seeing what kids shouldn't see on TV is astronomical.
From daytime television kids learn that intimacy should be exploited, that insults are funny, that promiscuity is nothing but fun, that prostitution is prosperous, that drugs are harmless, that violence is entertainment.
Yes, parents need to talk to their kids and tell them that this sadly helps no one and for many will be very destructive.....
AND
someone needs to give the media the same message.
acting out when you are hurt is always dangerous, silly, hurtful, dumnb.
take a breath, find a better way.
we're humans not animals
I stopped watching reality tv when some terribly sociopathic show came on trying to play off of 'American Idol'. I can't remember the name of it but the basis was people would audition for some music show (a la A.I.) and the judges - who were all has-beens in the music industry and all in on the joke - would select the worst contestants, i.e. heavy, low-self esteem, not attractive, can't sing, and tell them that they were wonderful and that they could win the whole thing. It was some of the cruelest behavior I ever witnessed and the reason I can't remember the show's name is because it was pretty much yanked off the air after one episode because the network (one of the UPN or WB types) received tons of complaints about the humiliation.
I stopped watching television altogether this past January because I'm tired of all the disgusting "reality" shows and commercials telling women we aren't good enough unless we look this way or buy this product - same reason I do not look at womens' magazines, because they serve to just humiliate people, not to lift them up. Now, I save 75 bucks a month and can control what I see on tv by having just my Netflix account. Television was once a great medium and now it is an absolutely empty, sex-obsessed and sociopathic wasteland.
I will never watch it again, and I encourage more people to cancel their cable if they truly want to send a message to television execs. In this day of recession and need to save money, why hand it over to people whose only goal is to insult your intelligence
I agree totally with DR's statements above.
The media follows a pattern when it comes to exhibitionism and sadism.
* report it
* joke about it with on air colleagues
* report it again
* mimic the behavior with on air colleagues
* report it again, bringing in experts to comment
* agree when the experts say it's negative
* report another incident
* joke about it with on air colleagues
* report it again
* mimic the behavior with on air colleagues
* etc
* etc
* etc
I brought up my kids and grandkids, who I also helped raise, with the attitude of 'garbage in/garbage out'. They didn't accept or understand my firmness on not being able to watch certain types of movies or tv shows then but recently my 21 year old granddaughter gave me a copy of a report she had written as a college assignment on the consequences of exposing young children to sexual and violent content in tv and movies. She received an 'A' from both her instructor and me.