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Sex Every Night?
There are two new books out from couples who made a decision to have sex with their spouse every night for 101 or 365 days. The reviews from both couples seem to be mixed…not surprising. Yes, it improved intimacy and yes, it was very difficult and, at times, a horrible drag.
While I agree with the concept that sometimes when you are not in the mood and you just push yourself to start having sex and you will find you get in the mood, I also believe if you can never say “NO” then “YES” never really means “YES!”. In other words, it is important to make sex important in your relationship. Sometimes this means making a serious effort at it even when you are not feeling so inclined. But, if you feel like you can never not be in the mood, never turn your partner down, never disappoint him, then the likelihood you will ever genuinely feel excited is not going to be there. Having a good sexual life does mean prioritizing it. It means talking about how to make it better with your spouse. It means taking into account how your partner feels about it. But it does not mean ignoring your needs and desires.
What both couples seem to have really learned is how much closer and intimate sex can make you feel, even when you have been married a long time. This is because we are all at our most vulnerable during sex. It is an open, honest and tender time. You each get to see and feel more of the human essence of your mate. You have put it out there -- in terms of what you like, what you don’t and what you are thinking about. This is both exciting and scary, which is why so many people back away and erect a wall against such intimacy-- to avoid the risk of rejection. It is so important to be sensitive to each others' vulnerable state and be as supportive as possible. At the same time, such revelation is very exciting when you feel really safe and honest and loved just for being you with your partner.
I think the takeaway from such an exercise is that sometimes you just have to get going to break through those initial sexual barriers that may have been built up over many years. What is on the other side is most certainly worth having.
What are your thoughts?
While I agree with the concept that sometimes when you are not in the mood and you just push yourself to start having sex and you will find you get in the mood, I also believe if you can never say “NO” then “YES” never really means “YES!”. In other words, it is important to make sex important in your relationship. Sometimes this means making a serious effort at it even when you are not feeling so inclined. But, if you feel like you can never not be in the mood, never turn your partner down, never disappoint him, then the likelihood you will ever genuinely feel excited is not going to be there. Having a good sexual life does mean prioritizing it. It means talking about how to make it better with your spouse. It means taking into account how your partner feels about it. But it does not mean ignoring your needs and desires.
What both couples seem to have really learned is how much closer and intimate sex can make you feel, even when you have been married a long time. This is because we are all at our most vulnerable during sex. It is an open, honest and tender time. You each get to see and feel more of the human essence of your mate. You have put it out there -- in terms of what you like, what you don’t and what you are thinking about. This is both exciting and scary, which is why so many people back away and erect a wall against such intimacy-- to avoid the risk of rejection. It is so important to be sensitive to each others' vulnerable state and be as supportive as possible. At the same time, such revelation is very exciting when you feel really safe and honest and loved just for being you with your partner.
I think the takeaway from such an exercise is that sometimes you just have to get going to break through those initial sexual barriers that may have been built up over many years. What is on the other side is most certainly worth having.
What are your thoughts?
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I believe that there is no special time or day for sex. At times you feel like doing it daily and more than once you just do it. Other times due to circumstances you are unable to do it. But for 365 days i think its impossible because are not avaible everyday- that si thinking about our menstruation days. Thanks
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sex is very important in husband and wife so don't avoid Every night.
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Not a situation that I'm likely to find myself in unfortunately. I'm in an LDR so we don't get to see each other very often. Last time we spent a whole week together & we were making love 3 or 4 times a day because we wanted to & knew we hadn't got very long together. It was great every time but don't know if it would still feel like this every time after over 100 days.
A friend's ladies group heard that daily sex leads to weight loss. Other complained that they had no time for sex.
My wife and I thought we'd try making love every morning, a few years ago.
Well, after a week and a half, we still weighed the same, but it was very nice.
I personally could handle sex daily, it really depends on the people I suppose. I am 23 and my hubby is 28. Sometimes he is just too pooped for sex. lol. I am sure sex daily might be ideal for those couples with higher sex drives, low movement job or retired couples with nothing else to do all day!
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I'd be truly pleased with sex once a month, much less once a day. What is in the water where you people live?? I mean, we've been married for 13 years & lovers off & on prior to that for another 20 or so, but every day sex hasn't happened since the first month we knew each other. I really want to drink some of your water, if that's the secret; otherwise, please tell me what it is!!!!
I was wondering what books this idea came from? I recently read Dr. Laura's book "Woman Power". This book gives an interesting approach on how to keep your husband loving and has an intersting approach on sex...
I am 23, and personally I love it (sex). Maybe my high sex drive is because i'm young and full of energy but honestly when i see my boyfriend, which is typically every other day during the week and fri-sun I hope for sex at least once for every encounter. If by any strike of luck we do it once in the morning and once at night maybe for 2 out of the 5 times we see each other that would be GREAT! And, would definitely satisfy me completely. However, and realistically this isnt the case. Out of the 5 times we see each other maybe we will have intercourse 3/4 times and hardly never twice or back to back as in we had sex at night then again in the morning. I have to be honest... i feel disappointed and guilty because I feel I need it more? Is this wrong? Also, when we do have sex I feel sexy, and attractive to him and when we are laying down at night and I clearly want it and get nothing I feel rejected and all the opposite sexy, attractive and wanted. I admit this is incredible immature and selfish but it's honest. Any one with insightful feedback plz do comment back!
now i m think daily sex is not a bed idea
varnik (india)