On the Couch with Gail Saltz, M.D. | A Mental Health Blog at iVillage.com
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Results tagged “stress” from iVillage - On the Couch
Do you find yourself increasingly dreading the holidays? Do you find the shopping amongst hoards of desperate shoppers, the selecting of just the right gifts, the cooking of wonderful holiday treats and many get togethers of family and friends to be really less than joyful? How do you know if you are managing your extra work--and the inevitable anxiety that comes with having more to do and more excitement--or if you are suffering from so much holiday stress that you need to do something to handle your holiday time differently (or risk a true holiday melt down)!
Answer these few holiday stress questions to help you assess how stressed you are this holiday season:
- Do you feel so exhausted that holiday gatherings don't even sound like much fun?
- Do you worry that your holiday plans will not be special or wonderful enough for your friends or family?
- Do you feel like all the holiday details are all up to you?
- Do you find it difficult to enjoy the spirit of the holiday season?
- Are you increasingly forgetful, discombobulated or resentful during the holiday season?
- Are you secretly wishing it would all be over soon so you can get back to normal?
If you are answering yes to two or more of these questions than you may be overstressed over the holidays and need to take some action to relieve how you are feeling.
Try these tips for reducing your holiday stress:
Shorten the list and delegate. You cannot do everything, and to have an enjoyable holiday, everything does not have to get done. First decide the top several priorities, then start crossing off anything that is not an absolute must (baking more than one kind of cookie, having more than one holiday meal, going to every holiday party to which you are invited, getting the kids more than one thing). Next start delegating what is left. Generally women end up doing it all, and think they can't ask for help. Wrong. Give your partner a list of a few things he can do that will help (shop for two gifts, get out the decorations, do the grocery shopping).
Get realistic about family. Usually expectations for family reunions are too high which results in frustration and disappointment. Don't try to have everybody be "happy" all the time and don't plan loads of unstructured time where too much togetherness can lead to getting on each others nerves. If you do not have family to be with make plans early with friends so that you will not stress over being alone.
Be healthy. Exercise really helps with stress, as does eating and sleeping well. On the other hand drinking a lot of alcohol--which many people do more of when they are stressed to "relax"--will disrupt your sleep cycle and make you feel worse.
It is the thought that counts. Often perfectionism and competitiveness drives you to shop, shop, shop for gifts. This adds time, frustration, and spending too much money which will stress you financially. Then when everyone doesn't appreciate it all enough you will feel angry and disappointed. People want to know you thought of them and value them. That is the biggest gift of all so avoid going crazy with the presents.
Remember the true meaning of the holiday. Whether it is about time you cherish together, religious observance, reflection on your life and future goals. Think about the spirit of the holiday, talk to your kids about it, share that spirit with those you care about and let the trappings be optional. Take a few minutes each day to sit and think about what the holiday means to you.
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I spend a lot of this time of year talking about the stresses of the holiday. How preparing can make you anxious, how family members can drive you nuts, how some will suffer depression around this time. But thanksgiving is also an opportunity to give thanks... not for what you have, but for who you have.
Having people you love and who love you back is probably your most valuable asset. Strong relationships nourish you, provide support, allow you to give meaningfully and are a frequent source of joy. It is true that every relationship has its struggles and tough times but, generally speaking, effort put in equals enjoyment gotten out of it.
On this holiday many of you will be with people you love but don't get to see all the time. It's worth some extra effort to spend real time talking and listening, and also appreciating each other. You are making new memories to sustain you over the times apart and they build and grown that relationship. Take a minute to tell that person how thankful you are to have them in your life. It will make your thanksgiving really special.
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Having people you love and who love you back is probably your most valuable asset. Strong relationships nourish you, provide support, allow you to give meaningfully and are a frequent source of joy. It is true that every relationship has its struggles and tough times but, generally speaking, effort put in equals enjoyment gotten out of it.
On this holiday many of you will be with people you love but don't get to see all the time. It's worth some extra effort to spend real time talking and listening, and also appreciating each other. You are making new memories to sustain you over the times apart and they build and grown that relationship. Take a minute to tell that person how thankful you are to have them in your life. It will make your thanksgiving really special.
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Times are just getting tougher and tougher. I am getting more calls from people who need help, and patients I work with are having more trouble now with anxiety, bad moods and tension in their relationships.
This is not surprising, because when resources become scarce, the fear of not being able to meet your own needs soars. What might be surprising though, is that some people are doing very well and are feeling pretty happy and above the fray. You would imagine they must be people who are not afraid of losing their jobs or who have money socked away, but you would be wrong.
The people who are faring the best are those whose priorities in life are less dependent on money. These people feel their relationships are the most valuable thing they have, and know that money (or lack of it) won't really change them. Some folks feel that they suffer less if they have people around whom they love and who love them. Also, people who have been through real hardship--particularly health difficulties and scares--have learned that if you have your health, you really do have everything important.
The silver lining in all of this is that many people are going to rethink their priorities. It's not too late to reexamine what is really most important to you in your life and feel appreciative for what you do have, rather than mourning what you don't. When happiness is studied, it is the quality of your relationships that bodes the best for long-term happiness.
Look around, truly see who is in your life and channel your energies into improving the relationships with those you care about. This is what will lead to a truly "rich" life, even in today's economy.
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This is not surprising, because when resources become scarce, the fear of not being able to meet your own needs soars. What might be surprising though, is that some people are doing very well and are feeling pretty happy and above the fray. You would imagine they must be people who are not afraid of losing their jobs or who have money socked away, but you would be wrong.
The people who are faring the best are those whose priorities in life are less dependent on money. These people feel their relationships are the most valuable thing they have, and know that money (or lack of it) won't really change them. Some folks feel that they suffer less if they have people around whom they love and who love them. Also, people who have been through real hardship--particularly health difficulties and scares--have learned that if you have your health, you really do have everything important.
The silver lining in all of this is that many people are going to rethink their priorities. It's not too late to reexamine what is really most important to you in your life and feel appreciative for what you do have, rather than mourning what you don't. When happiness is studied, it is the quality of your relationships that bodes the best for long-term happiness.
Look around, truly see who is in your life and channel your energies into improving the relationships with those you care about. This is what will lead to a truly "rich" life, even in today's economy.
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A recent survey found that 90 percent of Americans are having trouble sleeping as a result of worrying about economic issues. People are worrying during the day too, but nothing quite stokes anxiety like lying down to relax with no distractions at all; just blackness and quiet looming before you. This is when obsessive worries can really take over, making sleep impossible. Unfortunately, the less you sleep the more worried and irritable you will feel the next day. It can become a worsening vicious cycle.
Watch the segment from TODAY
To break that cycle, it is important to form your plan during the day. How will you deal with your money, your job and your home? For example, you can stop going out to lunch to save money, polish up that resume, and make an appointment with a financial advisor to discuss how you can better manage your money and your home. At night, when worry starts to knock, remind yourself that you already have done whatever you deemed doable and that there is nothing to be gained by mulling it over now.
Employing methods to relax your body, such as muscle relaxation and deep abdominal breathing, can be helpful. Visualize a relaxing spot to help calm your mind. Tell yourself that it is only worth worrying about something if you can actually do something about it, and then do what you need to do to cease the worry.
Situational sleep problems like this are best handled with these techniques rather than jumping to medication. However, if the problem is going on for weeks and impairing your functioning during the day, you should see a doctor to evaluate if medication may be helpful.
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To break that cycle, it is important to form your plan during the day. How will you deal with your money, your job and your home? For example, you can stop going out to lunch to save money, polish up that resume, and make an appointment with a financial advisor to discuss how you can better manage your money and your home. At night, when worry starts to knock, remind yourself that you already have done whatever you deemed doable and that there is nothing to be gained by mulling it over now.
Employing methods to relax your body, such as muscle relaxation and deep abdominal breathing, can be helpful. Visualize a relaxing spot to help calm your mind. Tell yourself that it is only worth worrying about something if you can actually do something about it, and then do what you need to do to cease the worry.
Situational sleep problems like this are best handled with these techniques rather than jumping to medication. However, if the problem is going on for weeks and impairing your functioning during the day, you should see a doctor to evaluate if medication may be helpful.
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An important new study was published today in The New England Journal of Medicine. It found that children with anxiety disorders improved substantially on a combination of Zoloft (a serotonin reuptake inhibitor that treats depression and anxiety) combined with short term psychotherapy. It was the combination of both medication and psychotherapy that was most helpful, but it was also important to find that medication alone or psychotherapy alone was also helpful to kids with anxiety, just not as much.
20% of children have an anxiety disorder. It may be generalized anxiety where kids worry and have enough fears to affect their function, or separation anxiety where they have such fear about being apart from a parent they can't sleep out or have trouble going to school or being apart at all. Another is social phobia where there is such self consciousness about being with other people that the child becomes isolated from making new friends.
When these disorders are left alone many children go on to develop depression or even substance abuse as a result. It is important to seek treatment for your child and the great news is that treatment really works and will be bring relief to the entire family.
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20% of children have an anxiety disorder. It may be generalized anxiety where kids worry and have enough fears to affect their function, or separation anxiety where they have such fear about being apart from a parent they can't sleep out or have trouble going to school or being apart at all. Another is social phobia where there is such self consciousness about being with other people that the child becomes isolated from making new friends.
When these disorders are left alone many children go on to develop depression or even substance abuse as a result. It is important to seek treatment for your child and the great news is that treatment really works and will be bring relief to the entire family.
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Ever feel more depressed on vacation than you do at home? You aren't alone. Many people build up the idea that they should be nothing but happy on vacation, and when this fails to materialize, they can get downright depressed. Vacation is a great opportunity to play, have time together and do stuff that is a change from your ordinary routine, but it is not utopia. You can still fight with your spouse, your kids and sometimes with all that togetherness, you fight even more than usual. This does not make you a bad spouse or parent, it makes you human with too high expectations. Sometimes the down time of vacation allows ideas to come up in your mind that you have been tucked away because it would stress you out. For instance, you might start pondering problems with a parent or sibling, guilt about something going on with a friend, concerns about where your job is really heading, dissatisfaction with work or staying home as a parent. As these thoughts break through they can weigh on you and feel incongruent with having fun.
A break is great, but it does not solve issues of money, sex, parenting, career, in-laws or all the other stressors a family has to deal with. So, give yourself a break and know that feeling a little down, or worried or even disappointed is not so surprising. It can be a good time to think about what has bubbled up and how you might want to deal with it. Internal problems often get puzzled through on vacations.
