On the Couch with Gail Saltz, M.D. | A Mental Health Blog at iVillage.com
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An important new study was published today in The New England Journal of Medicine. It found that children with anxiety disorders improved substantially on a combination of Zoloft (a serotonin reuptake inhibitor that treats depression and anxiety) combined with short term psychotherapy. It was the combination of both medication and psychotherapy that was most helpful, but it was also important to find that medication alone or psychotherapy alone was also helpful to kids with anxiety, just not as much.
20% of children have an anxiety disorder. It may be generalized anxiety where kids worry and have enough fears to affect their function, or separation anxiety where they have such fear about being apart from a parent they can't sleep out or have trouble going to school or being apart at all. Another is social phobia where there is such self consciousness about being with other people that the child becomes isolated from making new friends.
When these disorders are left alone many children go on to develop depression or even substance abuse as a result. It is important to seek treatment for your child and the great news is that treatment really works and will be bring relief to the entire family.
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20% of children have an anxiety disorder. It may be generalized anxiety where kids worry and have enough fears to affect their function, or separation anxiety where they have such fear about being apart from a parent they can't sleep out or have trouble going to school or being apart at all. Another is social phobia where there is such self consciousness about being with other people that the child becomes isolated from making new friends.
When these disorders are left alone many children go on to develop depression or even substance abuse as a result. It is important to seek treatment for your child and the great news is that treatment really works and will be bring relief to the entire family.
Related Content:
Most parents at some time or another will feel that they prefer (at that moment in time) one child to another. Sometimes the preference comes out of differences or similarities between the parent and child. A child may have an easier going temperament or like the same things the parent likes…hence they feel more “simpatico”. Another cause of favoritism has more to do with the developmental stage that child is in. Some moms prefer babies who are dependent and cuddly and easier to control, while other moms prefer adolescents who are more adult-like to talk with and able to care for themselves. This means which child you prefer change and shift over time.
While its normal to feel preferences it's not good to demonstrate actual favoritism. It hurts self esteem and also increases sibling rivalry. It can definitely have lasting effects which are painful.
Watch the segment from TODAY
Denying you have such feelings only raises the likelihood you will unwittingly act on them. It is best to be honest with yourself but then try to figure out why you feel this in the first place. It is helpful to make note of all your children's strengths and weaknesses and compliment their strengths. At the same time you must provide ways to cope with their weaknesses. All humans have their pluses and minuses, and by being realistic you can help your kids improve their lives by playing to their strengths and figuring out ways to manage their weaknesses
Make sure you reinforce the fact that you both like and love all your children and that love is not something concrete (like a piece of pie with a finite number of pieces). There is plenty to go around for all!
While its normal to feel preferences it's not good to demonstrate actual favoritism. It hurts self esteem and also increases sibling rivalry. It can definitely have lasting effects which are painful.
Make sure you reinforce the fact that you both like and love all your children and that love is not something concrete (like a piece of pie with a finite number of pieces). There is plenty to go around for all!
Thank you to all who wrote in such good questions about addressing sex and sexuality with your children. I of course will not be able to answer all your questions on air, so I am adding some answers here.
Watch the segment from TODAY
Many questions are about "what is normal?" Suffice it to say that when it comes to each individual's curiosity about and interest in sex there is a huge variation in "normal". It is normal to want to know everything and think about it a lot; it is also normal to not ask questions and feel somewhat embarrassed to discuss it at all. It is easiest when your child asks questions and you answer specifically what they are asking. If done in a matter-of-fact, comfortable way you will provide the information they need and open the future up for further dialogue. If they don't ask or bring it up, then you should. By nine or ten, kids are starting puberty and their bodies change and they need the information to avoid embarrassment, shock and the feeling that something is wrong with the subject matter. Bring it up with a book or in conversation related to something going on in your lives (teachers having a baby, tampon commercial on television, a mature theme on a kids' television program).
If they resist talking about it, then ask them what the problem is. What makes them uncomfortable, what are they embarrassed about? You may be able to diffuse their shyness about it.
Many kids feel anxious about masturbation, they wonder if it's wrong (the old "if something feels this good it must be bad" thing) and for girls they may wonder how a big baby gets out of such a small vagina without "killing you". It is important to address their fears. ALL children masturbate at some point and they should know that; they should also know that it is fine and yet that it is private.
Girls need help understanding that vaginas expand and contract (try a balloon analogy) and therefore it is safe and will not damage a woman.
Really, the conversations with kids of a younger age are easier and if done comfortably will make the adolescent conversations easier. Talk to your teen about the huge responsibility that sex is. It changes you. It also carries the responsibility of preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. It is emotionally huge and it involves the feelings of two people.
Talk to them about the fact that sex does not only mean intercourse. Oral sex is sex. Heavy petting is sex. They need to think it all through and therefore not get caught in the heat of the moment, unprepared for what they want and know is best for them. It is true that sometimes the media or an experience will push your hand and force you to explain some issues, either before you wanted to or even some issues you wished you never had to. But knowledge is power and you are really better off equipping your child with tools than leaving them unknowing and unprepared or, worse yet, misinformed from talking to a peer who has incorrect information.
If you find that a book is useful to you as a guide, I have written two that you may find useful. The first, Amazing You; Getting Smart About your Private Parts is for three to eight or nine year olds. The book covers all the body parts and how a baby grows in the uterus, but it does not contain anything about intercourse itself. The second book, Changing You: A Guide to Body Changes and Sexuality is for kids ages eight to ten through fourteen. It explains puberty and sexual intercourse. Both books address age-appropriate issues of not letting others touch you, sexual thoughts and masturbation. If your child won't read the book with you, give it to them to read on their own and then invite questions. Use this as a time to impart your own morals and values about sex as well. Kids may act like they don't hear you at times, but believe me, they are listening. They internalize your values, and studies show it impacts their decision-making greatly.
Please continue to write in with any problems of questions you have on this all-important topic.
Get more information on this and other topics on The Today Show on iVillage.
Please remember that when you post a comment to this blog, your comment and the name under which you submit it may be viewed by the public.
If they resist talking about it, then ask them what the problem is. What makes them uncomfortable, what are they embarrassed about? You may be able to diffuse their shyness about it.
Many kids feel anxious about masturbation, they wonder if it's wrong (the old "if something feels this good it must be bad" thing) and for girls they may wonder how a big baby gets out of such a small vagina without "killing you". It is important to address their fears. ALL children masturbate at some point and they should know that; they should also know that it is fine and yet that it is private.
Girls need help understanding that vaginas expand and contract (try a balloon analogy) and therefore it is safe and will not damage a woman.
Really, the conversations with kids of a younger age are easier and if done comfortably will make the adolescent conversations easier. Talk to your teen about the huge responsibility that sex is. It changes you. It also carries the responsibility of preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. It is emotionally huge and it involves the feelings of two people.
Talk to them about the fact that sex does not only mean intercourse. Oral sex is sex. Heavy petting is sex. They need to think it all through and therefore not get caught in the heat of the moment, unprepared for what they want and know is best for them. It is true that sometimes the media or an experience will push your hand and force you to explain some issues, either before you wanted to or even some issues you wished you never had to. But knowledge is power and you are really better off equipping your child with tools than leaving them unknowing and unprepared or, worse yet, misinformed from talking to a peer who has incorrect information.
If you find that a book is useful to you as a guide, I have written two that you may find useful. The first, Amazing You; Getting Smart About your Private Parts is for three to eight or nine year olds. The book covers all the body parts and how a baby grows in the uterus, but it does not contain anything about intercourse itself. The second book, Changing You: A Guide to Body Changes and Sexuality is for kids ages eight to ten through fourteen. It explains puberty and sexual intercourse. Both books address age-appropriate issues of not letting others touch you, sexual thoughts and masturbation. If your child won't read the book with you, give it to them to read on their own and then invite questions. Use this as a time to impart your own morals and values about sex as well. Kids may act like they don't hear you at times, but believe me, they are listening. They internalize your values, and studies show it impacts their decision-making greatly.
Please continue to write in with any problems of questions you have on this all-important topic.
Get more information on this and other topics on The Today Show on iVillage.
Please remember that when you post a comment to this blog, your comment and the name under which you submit it may be viewed by the public.
On May 23rd, I will be doing a segment on the Today show on how difficult it is to answer some of your kid's questions on sex. Actually, for some parents it's difficult to bring anything related to sex and bodies up with their child. Some parents have trouble broaching the subject; others are great until their adolescent asks them if oral sex is really sex. Whether it's naming body parts, starting "the talk" or answering those tricky questions later about intercourse, sexually transmitted diseases or when it is OK to engage in sexual activity.
I would like to hear your questions! Please leave a comment with your questions about how to discuss sex and sexuality with your child. In addition if you have any particularly tricky moments that stumped you, please write them down too. I will try to cover as many as possible in the 8 o'clock hour of the Today show on May 23rd.
Leave your questions or concerns as a comment below!
UPDATE: Click here to see Gail's response to your questions.
Please remember that when you post a comment to this blog, your comment and the name under which you submit it may be viewed by the public.
More from Gail Saltz
I would like to hear your questions! Please leave a comment with your questions about how to discuss sex and sexuality with your child. In addition if you have any particularly tricky moments that stumped you, please write them down too. I will try to cover as many as possible in the 8 o'clock hour of the Today show on May 23rd.
Leave your questions or concerns as a comment below!
UPDATE: Click here to see Gail's response to your questions.
Please remember that when you post a comment to this blog, your comment and the name under which you submit it may be viewed by the public.
More from Gail Saltz
