I spend a lot of this time of year talking about the stresses of the holiday. How preparing can make you anxious, how family members can drive you nuts, how some will suffer depression around this time. But thanksgiving is also an opportunity to give thanks... not for what you have, but for who you have.

Having people you love and who love you back is probably your most valuable asset. Strong relationships nourish you, provide support, allow you to give meaningfully and are a frequent source of joy. It is true that every relationship has its struggles and tough times but, generally speaking, effort put in equals enjoyment gotten out of it.

On this holiday many of you will be with people you love but don't get to see all the time.  It's worth some extra effort to spend real time talking and listening, and also appreciating each other. You are making new memories to sustain you over the times apart and they build and grown that relationship. Take a minute to tell that person how thankful you are to have them in your life.  It will make your thanksgiving really special.

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This will no doubt be a very emotionally difficult holiday season, and most everyone will not be able to afford to buy whatever they did last year.

Holidays are often felt as celebrations requiring plenty of food, decorations and presents to make it special and fun. From Thanksgiving through Christmas stores will be providing tons of temptations with sales and kids doing their usual "PLEASE, can I have that?" The guilt from whatever you feel you have not gotten for your child (time with you, having more fun with them, past items you couldn't buy) may propel you further to desire buying more than you can afford.

Watch the segment from TODAY
Many of you will have shielded your child from what is happening in today's financial world in an attempt not to worry them, so your children might be shocked and very disappointed if the holidays are not like every other year. What can you do to deal with this unrealistic expectation? How you can assure them that the holidays will stay the same for your family?

1. Talk about it. When your kids don't know anything they cannot realign their expectations. You can tell them without terrifying them, and when you don't tell them you also are keeping the reality of it from yourself. Have a family pow-wow and discuss the changing economy, the impact on all families and that it means you too will be tightening your belt.

2. Agree on a family budget.  Set amounts of money to be spent ahead of any shopping. Have a plan, get out the cash and go without any credit card to the store.  This is a good year to get gifts that are needed rather than frivolous.  Look over what the kids will need in the next 6 months and choose from that.  This way there is a gift but you aren't spending any extra money you wouldn't spend anyway. 

3. Shop when well rested, feeling decently and bring support. When you are tired, down or guilty you will spend more. Having a spouse or friend who has agreed to keep you in line will help you stick to the plan.

4. Focus on the "magic". The magical feeling of holidays do not come from lots of toys. It comes from specific childhood memories that you recreate for your own kids... something from your history that you make a tradition. Think back... perhaps its baking a special dessert together, putting up tree lights or singing Christmas carols.

5. Manage your expectations.  Expectations have a lot to do with priorities.  If you really think about it you will realize that you care more about relationships than you do about material stuff. Holiday happiness has more to do with feeling close to those you love. If everyone wrote a letter saying how they felt about each other (monetarily inexpensive, but emotionally costly) it would likely feel a whole lot better to read than ripping open the paper of yet another box.

Rethink what matters most to you and make the effort toward those that do.

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Most parents at some time or another will feel that they prefer (at that moment in time) one child to another.  Sometimes the preference comes out of differences or similarities between the parent and child. A child may have an easier going temperament or like the same things the parent likes…hence they feel more “simpatico”. Another cause of favoritism has more to do with the developmental stage that child is in. Some moms prefer babies who are dependent and cuddly and easier to control, while other moms prefer adolescents who are more adult-like to talk with and able to care for themselves.  This means which child you prefer change and shift over time.

While its normal to feel preferences it's not good to demonstrate actual favoritism. It hurts self esteem and also increases sibling rivalry. It can definitely have lasting effects which are painful.

Watch the segment from TODAY Denying you have such feelings only raises the likelihood you will unwittingly act on them. It is best to be honest with yourself but then try to figure out why you feel this in the first place. It is helpful to make note of all your children's strengths and weaknesses and compliment their strengths.  At the same time you must provide ways to cope with their weaknesses. All humans have their pluses and minuses, and by being realistic you can help your kids improve their lives by playing to their strengths and figuring out ways to manage their weaknesses

Make sure you reinforce the fact that you both like and love all your children and that love is not something concrete (like a piece of pie with a finite number of pieces).  There is plenty to go around for all!

Today on The Today Show we discussed "holiday stress". Even though it is 2007, women still seem to bear the brunt of stress around the holidays. Whether you are a single mom, a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, chances are you are feeling the need to meet great expectations to create a lovely, twinkly, delicious, fun holiday with everything everyone wants (except, perhaps, you).

Sadly, the idea that the holidays is about celebrating our wonderful relationships and that it truly is the thought that counts has been all but lost in the barrage of commercials about shopping for the perfect toy or creating the Martha Stewart dinner. As a result most women try really hard to do it all and yet hold down the fort on all the daily tasks they already have. This tends to lead to high stress levels, low moods, anxiety and irritability. In fact, it's possible your family is getting a less desirable "you" at the holidays because you are trying to "make it nice."

Some stress can actually be a good thing. It may energize you and make you more efficient. But too much stress makes you disorganized and overwhelmed. Most important in decreasing the stress is realigning your expectations. Your family is not a Norman Rockwell painting. No one is perfect and perfect shouldn't be the goal. Think about lowering your current expectation of the holiday. Also, ask for help. Whether it's from your husband, sister, mom, or whomever you are spending the holidays with, they would probably appreciate being needed and helping you!

But most women don't like to ask. Make a potluck dinner, ask for dessert, ask to split a shopping list. Downsizing your holiday can upsize your fun. If there is less hoopla, the emphasis can be on quality time.

Do you stress out about the holidays? Add your thoughts and suggestions for managing it here!