Most parents at some time or another will feel that they prefer (at that moment in time) one child to another.  Sometimes the preference comes out of differences or similarities between the parent and child. A child may have an easier going temperament or like the same things the parent likes…hence they feel more “simpatico”. Another cause of favoritism has more to do with the developmental stage that child is in. Some moms prefer babies who are dependent and cuddly and easier to control, while other moms prefer adolescents who are more adult-like to talk with and able to care for themselves.  This means which child you prefer change and shift over time.

While its normal to feel preferences it's not good to demonstrate actual favoritism. It hurts self esteem and also increases sibling rivalry. It can definitely have lasting effects which are painful.

Watch the segment from TODAY Denying you have such feelings only raises the likelihood you will unwittingly act on them. It is best to be honest with yourself but then try to figure out why you feel this in the first place. It is helpful to make note of all your children's strengths and weaknesses and compliment their strengths.  At the same time you must provide ways to cope with their weaknesses. All humans have their pluses and minuses, and by being realistic you can help your kids improve their lives by playing to their strengths and figuring out ways to manage their weaknesses

Make sure you reinforce the fact that you both like and love all your children and that love is not something concrete (like a piece of pie with a finite number of pieces).  There is plenty to go around for all!

It seems that summer often reminds us of romantic adventures. Running through the surf holding hands, kissing in the sand, toasting with a fruity cocktail. So I see many women who are feeling particularly put out that their summer is not feeling any more romantic than the rest of the year, and on a passionate scale of 1 to 10, it’s about a 2.

While it’s true that romance can get a boost from a new setting and therefore from a vacation where there is more time for play, it’s hard to turn on and off romantic feelings. In order to have more romance you really have to make an effort to build it. Couples who have lost affection after years of marriage have to make an actual conscious plan to start holding hands, give each other massages, remember to compliment each other and try new things in bed.

Really any season can provide the backdrop, though summer (with more skin often showing) lends itself quite well. If you are feeling disappointed with a lack of romance, go to your spouse tonight, this very night, hold their hand and look in their eyes and say “I love you and I want us to be more romantic.” Then follow through. You will be surprised what a difference it can make!

Emotional affairs are on the rise because the ability to connect with more people outside of a marriage has increased. For example, there are more women in the workplace and, of course, the Internet has opened up new opportunities. Plus, it is also on the rise because many people convince themselves that as long as there is no sex, it's not an affair... but it is.

An affair really has to do with secrecy, deception of the partner and therefore betrayal. It also has to do with the amount of emotional energy you put into the new person that you therefore are not giving to your partner. Actually, most people are more disturbed by the breaking of trust than by sex in an affair.  That betrayal of trust is the most difficult thing to recover from.

Watch the segment from TODAY

Many people have an emotional affair, yet due to their own denial don’t believe they are cheating. The denial keeps them guilt-free and they don’t have to give it up.

So how do you know if you are having emotional affair?

1. You keep meetings and conversations secret from your partner.
2. You say and do things with another person you never would in front of your spouse.
3. You make a point to arrange talk time with someone other than your partner.
4. You share things with another person that you don’t with your partner.

Most people were actually not looking for an affair. They find themselves interested in a new person and it becomes a slippery slope.  At some point, if the relationship continues it often does lead to sex. The person may start to depend on them for the emotional highs and good feelings they give throughout during the day.

So often we don’t appreciate our relationship until we are about to lose it. If you have had an affair, you need to own up and take responsibility

Here's my advice if you think you're having an emotional affair:

• END IT! No halfway, no "kind of", no being friends…It has to end or you will still be in it and cannot build back your partners trust.
• Take Responsibility. No one else did it but you.  You need to own it to get past it.
• Figure out why you did it. Was your marriage failing? Were you looking for self esteem? Repeating the pattern of a parent who cheated?
• Be trustworthy. The biggest obstacle to your relationship's survival is the betrayal, so you must be thoroughly open and trustworthy to build trust back. This means doing what your partner needs you to do (like coming home right after work, breaking off all contact with the other person).
• It takes time. Rebuilding trust after betrayal takes time.  You have to be patient and can’t expect your partner to just bounce back.

So, what do you think?   Take the poll and leave a comment with your thoughts below!

Get more tips and information on Today Show on iVillage

Kate White, editor-in-chief of 'Cosmopolitan' magazine, and psychiatrist Gail Saltz talk to TODAY's Ann Curry about the five things you think will make you happy but won't.

Watch the segment from TODAY Get more information and tips on Today Show on iVillage!

Dr. Gail Saltz was on the Today Show to talk about the connection between your partner and your weight. Is your partner making you fat? A recent study shows how much your significant other can have to do with your diet. Gail Saltz and nutritionist Joy Bauer have details.

Watch the segment from TODAY What do you think? Do you think your partner contributes to weight gain? Is there a connection? Leave a comment below!

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Related content from Dr. Gail Saltz:

• Do your friends make you fat?
• Emotional Eating

Dr. Gail Saltz was on the Today show talking about a very hot topic from the iVillage message boards. Many couples are in long-term relationships but have decided that getting married just isn't for them. Brad and Angelina and Kurt and Goldie are just a few of the Hollywood couples who are committed without the paperwork, but more and more people are jumping on the bandwagon.  Check out the full segment below.

Watch the segment from TODAY What do you think about this hot topic? Leave a comment below with your thoughts, and visit the Unmarried by Choice message board to weigh in with other iVillage users.

Most women I see tell me they are happy that they found someone special and are married because they would not want to be alone. What’s more curious, however, is how many women tell me that they really feel lonely IN their marriage. As hard as it is to feel lonely when you have no significant other, it is even more emotionally difficult when you do have a partner and you feel lonely anyway. When you are single, you at least have the fantasy that one day you’ll meet someone and not be lonely. But when you are married, your loneliness feels infinite and hopeless. You wonder, is it me, is it him or is it us?

What is loneliness?

Married or not, everyone has some time they spend alone. But not everyone enjoys it. The fact is to some degree we are all alone, in that no one can ever be at one with us “really”. On the other hand, metaphorically, we can feel at one with someone for periods of very intimate time. This happens in great friendships and great marriages. Still, even with your soul mate, there are times you will be alone. Alone simply means no other human being is with you. Alone time can even be intensely enjoyable if it is experienced as a freedom to do what you want and if you have the self confidence to think that your own company is pretty darn good. Loneliness is a feeling of emptiness, abandonment and rejection. You do not need to be alone to feel lonely and lonely is not a good feeling.

Watch the segment from TODAY

Many people are wondering how it could be that Lisa Nowak, a highly trained and successful astronaut and married mother of three, could possibly decide to drive nine and a half hours donning a diaper (to avoid a pee break) and then a disguise with the intent to kidnap and murder a colleague over an imagined love rivalry. Can love really drive a seemingly normal and healthy individual to do something irrational, crazy and terrifyingly wrong?

The answer is “yes.” And the reasons may be many.

Love is an intense emotion. Many songs and poems have been written about the power of its pleasure and its pain. Human’s brains work hard to get pleasure and avoid pain. Many a love struck person has done things that were against their better judgment in order to get the pleasure of love and avoid the pain. Equally intense emotions can be envy, jealousy, fear and depression. These emotions also likely played a role in this case.

It is entirely possible that Nowak was deemed psychologically healthy at the time she was entering the NASA space program. However, psychological testing can not necessarily predict the future.

Take a woman whose marriage is dissolving — a highly stressful situation — and in order to cope, she may use the fantasy that she can be rescued from being alone by having a relationship with another man. What begins as a fantasy that all people could have may then move into an intense belief that is no longer based in reality, if the perfect storm of events comes together. If, for instance, one’s childhood felt interrupted by divorce or loss of a parent, either physically or emotionally… If a painful love lost in the past makes losing one’s love again seem unbearable… If the need to be perfect and the most successful person leaves no room for not getting what or whom you want… You can see how there could be any number of disturbing thoughts that could drive a person to believe that she must get that man (or woman) at all costs.

Real or imagined rivalry has made many men and women attack their rival even at unreasonable costs. Major depression can impair one’s judgment and even cause psychotic thinking that could result in criminal behavior.

Think back and likely most of you can think of something you did against your better judgment for love. While you weren’t psychiatrically ill, you were under the influence of changing brain chemicals which enhanced your craving for this person and created a state very akin to addiction: “I have to have them!” If you then lost that loved one or they picked someone else over you…? Well, that could bring on a state of depression and misery that you would do almost anything to get out of.

Fantasies of getting rid of your rival are very common and really quite normal. But acting on them means that something has either altered your sense of reality or that your coping skills have been overwhelmed by your negative emotions.

It remains to be known what happened in the mind of Lisa Nowak. As a woman use to success and now facing a failed marriage with three children, perhaps she was unable to accept “losing.” What may have started as a fantasy of rescue from her current life situation grew into something much more driven, distorted and tragic.

Has love ever driven you to do something “crazy”? Share your thoughts below.

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