This will no doubt be a very emotionally difficult holiday season, and most everyone will not be able to afford to buy whatever they did last year.

Holidays are often felt as celebrations requiring plenty of food, decorations and presents to make it special and fun. From Thanksgiving through Christmas stores will be providing tons of temptations with sales and kids doing their usual "PLEASE, can I have that?" The guilt from whatever you feel you have not gotten for your child (time with you, having more fun with them, past items you couldn't buy) may propel you further to desire buying more than you can afford.

Watch the segment from TODAY
Many of you will have shielded your child from what is happening in today's financial world in an attempt not to worry them, so your children might be shocked and very disappointed if the holidays are not like every other year. What can you do to deal with this unrealistic expectation? How you can assure them that the holidays will stay the same for your family?

1. Talk about it. When your kids don't know anything they cannot realign their expectations. You can tell them without terrifying them, and when you don't tell them you also are keeping the reality of it from yourself. Have a family pow-wow and discuss the changing economy, the impact on all families and that it means you too will be tightening your belt.

2. Agree on a family budget.  Set amounts of money to be spent ahead of any shopping. Have a plan, get out the cash and go without any credit card to the store.  This is a good year to get gifts that are needed rather than frivolous.  Look over what the kids will need in the next 6 months and choose from that.  This way there is a gift but you aren't spending any extra money you wouldn't spend anyway. 

3. Shop when well rested, feeling decently and bring support. When you are tired, down or guilty you will spend more. Having a spouse or friend who has agreed to keep you in line will help you stick to the plan.

4. Focus on the "magic". The magical feeling of holidays do not come from lots of toys. It comes from specific childhood memories that you recreate for your own kids... something from your history that you make a tradition. Think back... perhaps its baking a special dessert together, putting up tree lights or singing Christmas carols.

5. Manage your expectations.  Expectations have a lot to do with priorities.  If you really think about it you will realize that you care more about relationships than you do about material stuff. Holiday happiness has more to do with feeling close to those you love. If everyone wrote a letter saying how they felt about each other (monetarily inexpensive, but emotionally costly) it would likely feel a whole lot better to read than ripping open the paper of yet another box.

Rethink what matters most to you and make the effort toward those that do.

Related Content:

• More from Dr. Gail Saltz on money
• Financial advice from CNBC's Carmen Wong Ulrich
• 10 ways to help kids understand financial crisis
  

Times are just getting tougher and tougher. I am getting more calls from people who need help, and patients I work with are having more trouble now with anxiety, bad moods and tension in their relationships.

This is not surprising, because when resources become scarce, the fear of not being able to meet your own needs soars. What might be surprising though, is that some people are doing very well and are feeling pretty happy and above the fray. You would imagine they must be people who are not afraid of losing their jobs or who have money socked away, but you would be wrong.

The people who are faring the best are those whose priorities in life are less dependent on money. These people feel their relationships are the most valuable thing they have, and know that money (or lack of it) won't really change them. Some folks feel that they suffer less if they have people around whom they love and who love them. Also, people who have been through real hardship--particularly health difficulties and scares--have learned that if you have your health, you really do have everything important.

The silver lining in all of this is that many people are going to rethink their priorities. It's not too late to reexamine what is really most important to you in your life and feel appreciative for what you do have, rather than mourning what you don't. When happiness is studied, it is the quality of your relationships that bodes the best for long-term happiness.

Look around, truly see who is in your life and channel your energies into improving the relationships with those you care about. This is what will lead to a truly "rich" life, even in today's economy.

Related Content:

• Dr. Gail Saltz on happiness
• Dr. Gail Saltz on stress
  
• Dr. Gail Saltz on money
• TODAY on iVillage

A recent survey found that 90 percent of Americans are having trouble sleeping as a result of worrying about economic issues. People are worrying during the day too, but nothing quite stokes anxiety like lying down to relax with no distractions at all; just blackness and quiet looming before you. This is when obsessive worries can really take over, making sleep impossible. Unfortunately, the less you sleep the more worried and irritable you will feel the next day. It can become a worsening vicious cycle.

Watch the segment from TODAY
To break that cycle, it is important to form your plan during the day. How will you deal with your money, your job and your home? For example, you can stop going out to lunch to save money, polish up that resume, and make an appointment with a financial advisor to discuss how you can better manage your money and your home. At night, when worry starts to knock, remind yourself that you already have done whatever you deemed doable and that there is nothing to be gained by mulling it over now.

Employing methods to relax your body, such as muscle relaxation and deep abdominal breathing, can be helpful. Visualize a relaxing spot to help calm your mind. Tell yourself that it is only worth worrying about something if you can actually do something about it, and then do what you need to do to cease the worry.

Situational sleep problems like this are best handled with these techniques rather than jumping to medication. However, if the problem is going on for weeks and impairing your functioning during the day, you should see a doctor to evaluate if medication may be helpful.

Related Content:

• More from Dr. Gail Saltz on money
• TODAY on iVillage

When people get stressed it greatly affects their sexuality. This is true for both men and women. There is an evolutionary cause at work here. When you are anxious about danger (in the caveman days, that would be a lion or bear coming by your cave), the last thing you want to risk is getting caught with your pants down, literally. It's tough to run away or fight when you are locked in an amorous embrace. Hence, when we're stressed or anxious, we tend to shut down sexually.

I am hearing from quite a few men who are not only worried about their finances but--to add insult to injury--are also having difficulty maintaining an erection. It's bad enough to feel like you've failed in providing for your family, and it is awful to feel like a failure in bed on top of that. Sadly, many couples are simply not putting two and two together. They think it's a separate problem that is causing the impotence. So couples are wondering: Is our relationship in trouble? Is he no longer attracted to me?

If you are having financial concerns, and most everyone is, or certainly if one of you has lost a job, it is highly likely that any new problems in bed are related. See if there are any new medications that your partner has been taking that could affect his libido. If that's not the cause, it is likely the terrible strain of our current situation. Either way, you'll want your partner to see an internist because erectile problems can be the first symptom of cardiovascular issues or diabetes.

Tell each other you understand the problem and reassure your partner that it is not a lack of affection or attraction. Adding a little extra excitement by trying something new--a new outfit, position, act or even a little erotic film or book can help. An erectile dysfunction medication can temporarily help him get past this time, and then he can stop using it once he has regained his confidence.

By spending more time talking and helping each other with what actually worries you, you will ease tension, build intimacy and regain ability in bed.

Related Content:

• More from Dr. Gail Saltz on sex
• More from Dr. Gail Saltz on money
• TODAY on iVillage

Many couples fight about money—it is the number-one source of arguing in the best of times. But now, in some of the worst financial times, money has become an even greater stress on couples.

Watch the segment from TODAY

Couples who already had methods of communicating and compromising—gaining strength from each other and helping each other cope—are in better shape now than those who already had a rocky relationship. They are likely bringing those same skills to bear even as the stakes are higher. In fact, these couples may even find themselves feeling closer to each other and better about each other than before. They realize that together they can beat the battle better than alone, and they bring out each others' strengths.

Couples who have always struggled with talking, being secretive or even dishonest with each other are going to feel even worse with this new economic stress. They may find themselves unbearably stressed by the money secrets and totally alone about who to confide in. This loneliness can lead to depression and anxiety.

Now is the time to come clean about all money matters. Tell each other about debt, priorities, wishes, fears. Once the cards are on the table, you can start fresh on how to rebuild. Going forward, be honest with your partner and make money decisions as a team. Have conferences and make contingency plans on how you will act or spend for various scenarios. Having bailout plans of your own will make you feel less fearful of all the “what if?” situations and free you up to be more relaxed together. Plan for non-expensive playtime, like walks, exercising together, acting silly and having sex!

Having fun together is very important in these stressful times.


Click here for more tips on dealing with financial stress from Dr. Gail Saltz, or find ways to Bail Yourself Out from iVillage.

For many people money usually is their number one source of stress and certainly now it is for almost everyone. It is also the number one source of fights for most couples. The current environment is stirring the conflict that most of us have about money to begin with. Which is why its so important to identify what your money issue is. It may vary depending on your psyche and background growing up. From overspending to underspending, from hoarding to guilt about having any, from using it to control your children to lying about it with your spouse, money causes conflict. Are you a workaholic, a frequent borrower or an enabler with money? Whatever your issue, figuring out what it is and where it came from can help.

Right now many are feeling panic. When overwhelmed by panic your mind cannot be as efficient in figuring out how to deal with your particular problem. It is very worth it to take time out to calm your mind. Deep breathing, exercise, a warm bath, distraction with music or comedy. Try not to watch the stock market every second because it will not help, but it will fill you with anxiety. If you find yourself really hopeless or unable to sleep or eat, concentrate or constantly filled with fear then it is time to see a professional because you may be suffering from either depression or an anxiety disorder. Treatment can help.

Get more information from TODAY at Todayshow.iVillage.com

Related content from Dr. Gail Saltz:

• Surviving the stresses of recession
• Marriage and money
• Depression and antidepressants

Following the recent financial roller coaster ride most people are feeling the heat, and it is increasing anxiety for many. Fear of job loss, actual job loss, loss of income from investments gone south and loss of home worth are creating real and terrible pressures and anxieties.

At times like this it is very normal to feel scared, angry and even sad. Even though its normal, it is still important to make efforts to de-stress. Do something that relaxes you for some time each day… take a bath, hug your partner, watch a funny movie. Make sure that you eat right, exercise and get enough sleep because these all help in the face of pressure.

If however you find yourself unable to sleep, losing your appetite, unable to concentrate and feeling hopeless about the future, you may have crossed the line from sadness in to depression. Depression needs professional intervention; either a therapist to talk to or, in severe cases, medication. This is a time to all support each other, to listen to each other and to remember what really matters to us most like family and health.

Get more information from TODAY at Todayshow.iVillage.com

---

Related content from Dr. Gail Saltz:

• Surviving the stresses of recession
• Marriage and money
• Depression and antidepressants

Money is one of the top topics for arguing in a marriage and also one of the main reasons for splitting up. Yet as important as this topic is to discuss, it is one of the subjects couples are least likely to talk about before and during a marriage. Most couples feel it is not romantic or too personal to discuss, and so the problems mount until an explosion occurs. People come to a relationship with their own way of thinking about and dealing with money. Your money style has a lot to do with the way your parents dealt with money and also your risk-taking versus conservative personality style. In addition, in this day and age of many second marriages and step children many couples come to a marriage with debt, alimony, feelings about how much they want to spend on their biological child versus a step child, etc. These are all issues which need to be sorted out, discussed and understood before marriage.

Differences between the sexes in attitude toward money also make agreements difficult to come by. Both men and women tend to be concerned about retirement and the wish to have enough money to do so comfortably. Men still make most financial decisions about cars and investments whereas women do about major appliances and things for the kids. Most fights occur over spending for both men and women; who gets to, how much, from what pot? Besides money being a limited commodity and therefore couples are scared about not having enough (hence arguments) it also represents power and couples will argue over who has the power in the relationship. Feeling that the subject of money is taboo or embarrassing is the reason couples tend not discuss even the basics and hence anger builds and festers, good feelings begin to erode between them and ultimately a big blow up occurs.

Things you need to do:

Ante up before the marriage. Many people either keep quiet about money or even lie. You need to reveal all debt from the start. It will all come out eventually, with much more anger and angst. Be up front. Find out what they owe, what they spend, what they consider to be priorities, what is their style of saving and spending. Discuss financial goals, retirement, credit cards and how you feel about debt. Discuss alimony and child support, mortgage, bankruptcy... if those apply. Also discuss how you both FEEL about money.  What does it represent to you? How was it handled in your family of origin?  Do you tend to be tight with it or relaxed?

Have a monthly conference. Keep up every month with a discussion of where you are financially, where you want to be. Discuss planning for children. Talk about which expenses will get a priority when money gets tight (before it gets tight). What was spent, any debt issues and plans for investing. Set aside the time and don’t have it off the cuff or in the bedroom.

Be knowledgeable. Both partners should stay informed about what is happening with the money.  How much there is? How much is spent?

Make a budget. You need to agree upon a budget so both know what the other expects.

Be honest. Many people lie or omit information when it comes to money.  Eventually the truth comes out and the betrayal can destroy the marriage. Be sure to be up front and honest about how you handle money. Being secretive about money is also a slippery slope when it comes to lying about other issues.

Get more tips and information at Today Show on iVillage

---

Related content from Dr. Gail Saltz:

• Surviving the Stresses of Recession
• Financial Panic & Mental Health
  

The recession is deeply affecting people. For some, it is the hard financial facts and the stress, fear, frustration and depression that it brings. Others may not be in a desperate financial situation, but they are still in a "psychological recession", meaning that they fear the recession is happening and this gives them a sense of loss of control, anxiety about what might happen to them in the future and angst that whatever is happening to others they cannot prevent happening to them.

Watch the segment from TODAY In the current economy, more and more companies are downsizing and having layoffs. Whether you are laid off or fired, losing your job can really feel devastating. One's job, besides providing the money necessary for living, can also give that person their sense of identity and self-confidence. It is common to define yourself by what you do and how well you do it. Therefore, if you lose that job your entire sense of self-worth and who you are in the world can be shaken.Men who feel it is "being a man" to be the provider for the family and be successful in their work often experience terrible feelings of shame and humiliation when they lose a job. Some men feel so embarrassed that they may maintain a charade of going to work to hide their unemployment from their family or friends. Women, on the other hand, are more able to turn to their role as wife and mother for their sense of self-worth. The problem for women is that their family and peers may not understand the terrible loss and sense of failure for her because they expect them to beperfectly happy with the wife/mother role alone. Unemployment can be terribly difficult for a couple to deal with, as each partner may have their own reaction to their spouses' loss of work. These include fears about the families financial security, feelings about how this makes them view their partner and effect this will have on their children. Sometimes the person who lost their job is so ashamed they may push their partner away leaving them feeling helpless and alone.

There is a huge connection between the economy and mental health. Money is one of the biggest stressors. Losing your job and being unable to make ends meet leaves people anxious and can even lead to depression. You may remember during The Great Depression, bankers jumped from windows and ended their lives over the panic and shame they felt from being financially ruined. I am seeing marriages flounder under the stress of the current recession. Angry and scared couples fight more and look to the other to fix things... When people can't, there is disappointment and frustration. Less money equals more money fights. Shame makes people turn away from friends and family who would normally be their support, and hence they are alone while feeling terrible. People who had mental health issues to begin with and were therefore at greater risk for depression now feel they can't afford to seek treatment, and so they get worse.

Do you repetitively shop for unneeded items? Do you shop impulsively and ring up huge credit card bills that you can’t afford? Do you get an incredible rush from shopping that you find yourself craving? Then you may be a sufferer of compulsive shopping disorder. While many people joke about “shopping till you drop” and “I can’t resist a sale,” the compulsive shopper really does have an addiction. This a true disorder thought to effect as much as 8% of the U.S. population. 90% of those affected are women.

Watch the segment from TODAY:
CSD (Compulsive Shopping Disorder) is one of the obsessive-compulsive disorders much like compulsive gambling and binge eating. In fact, people with other addictive behaviors may also suffer with CSD. People with CSD may also suffer from anxiety and depression. They often shop in hopes it will reduce their tension or low mood, and not only does this fail to work, but they tend to feel worse due to the consequences of over shopping.

Many of these people have credit card debts they cannot possibly handle, legal problems including bankruptcy, destroyed marriages and ruined friendships as a result of lying about their compulsive spending. They often shop for the same object over and over again; objects that they do not even use. They may even have emotional “blackouts” where they cannot remember buying the things they did buy.

In July 2005, of The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry published a study from Stanford by Dr. Lorrin Koran. It looked at the use of Celexa (a serotonin reuptake inhibitor) for compulsive-shopping disorder. In this initial study it appeared that celexa was effective in reducing the symptoms of CSD. The celexa also reduced the patients anxiety and depression.

If you think you have a problem with shopping, there are ways to curb your “addiction” and it's important for both you and your family that you do so.

1. Shop only in a store. Shopping by catalogue, internet and TV shopping channels are ways to shop huge volumes in a short time. It is far too tempting for a shopaholic. Make these other methods completely off limits.
2. Stick to a list. Before you go shopping, at all make a list of what you need and buy ONLY what is on the list.
3. Use only cash or a check. Credit cards lead to less control and lots of debt. Only keep a credit card for true emergencies. For all purchases, only allow yourself to use cash or checks.
4. Group therapy. Just like for other addictions there are groups for people who share this problem and often being with others and hearing their harrowing stories is a help.
5. Medication and psychotherapy. If you truly have compulsive-shopping disorder you will likely not be able to control it on your own. Get a professional evaluation and consider treatment with therapy (to look at the underlying mood problem which may be fueling the addiction) and with medication which appears in this latest research to be effective.

"Are You a Compulsive Shopper?"
People on the Street Weight In:

---

More from Gail:

• Are You a Compulsive Liar?